Child Behavior Community
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making friends

How can I help my child be nicer and make friends?
3 Responses
Avatar universal
ok let me elaborate a little bit. I have an 8 year old daughter. She was born 10 weeks premature and has a very severe allergy to peanuts and other nuts as well. I feel like I have sheltered her to keep her from getting sick, or being contaminted with allergens. Since preschool she has had a terrible time keeping and making friends. She is mean, she talks mean sometimes, and very quick to react. I have always told her to change the tone, no one likes to be talked to in that manner. I have even thought maybe its me and the way I react to things,and since I have made it my objective to make sure she isnt picking up MY tone. When she says things that are mean.. I immediately say " Now there is a better way to ask that.." What else can I do. She is argueing with all the kids in the neighborhood and now her teacher tells me she is doing this at school too and that she is not being kind to others. What should I do now?
Avatar universal
I immediately say " Now there is a better way to ask that..

Do you then follow up  with an example - modelling the statement?
973741 tn?1342342773
Hi,  I have a child with a developmental delay called sensory integration disorder who is 5 and very much wanted friends and to be a good friend.  He is motivated for this so that helps.  So, we've worked on his social skills training a lot and even did a summer camp for 6 weeks this summer with social skills being the focas.  Jdtm gives good advice in modeling a better statement to make.  You can even do a game with her using good tone, good friendly statements vs bad tone, bad statements.  Make it exagerated and funny.  You can roleplay with her.  They also do this thing with kids who are prone to saying argumentative or nasty things (or even honest things that just shouldn't be said)----  they say "put it in a thought bubble"------  it is okay to think it but not to say it.  After my son's summer camp----  I remind him that he wants to be a good friend (and you can make a list of things that make someone a good friend and things that make someone a bad friend----  with her as an activity)---- and then simply ask if what he said or did was being a good friend.  He's honest with me and always feels bad if he wasn't friendlike.  You may talk to the school couselor to see if she has any ideas or offers any programs that might help her develop social skills----- they probably do as some kids need more help than others with this important skill.  Lastly, I'd get her involved in something that is an activity that is busy----  If she likes dance, art, whatever.  Then she is with kids, enjoying their company and not having as much opportunity for free play and rude behavior.  She'll also have the opportunity to meet girls with similar interests that may be future friends.  Good luck.
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