my 9 year old daughter caught me using a sex toy. What do I do?

[dudette02135]

I am really at a loss with this situation. My 9 year old daughter saw me using a sex toy and I don't know what to do now. We've never locked the doors inside the house in case there is an emergency, but we've taught our children to always knock. A few nights ago, my husband was out on business. I put the children to bed, and closed my bedroom door. A couple hours later I went quietly into the adjacent bathroom. After a while, I realized that my daughter was in the bedroom, looking into the bathroom through the partially open door. I was naked, and I had been inserting the toy. My reaction was to kick the door shut and put a towel on, and when I came out she was gone. When I went to check on her she was in her bed, eyes closed. I don't know what to do or tell her. I looked back into the bathroom from her perspective and I am sure she saw everything I was doing. Please help!

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

Address this situation directly. And part of what you'll want to address is that your daughter did not do anything wrong, and she may well feel like she did. Tell her in a straightforward way that there are items that adults use with their bodies that give them pleasure and you were using one of those items. You needn't go beyond that. Of course give her the opportunity to ask questiions, but she likely will not have any because the situation was so overwhelming for her. Lesson learned - be more careful.

[Markkeith]

A related discussion, 10 yr old daughter saw parent sex video was started.

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

You've handled it fine. Worrying about what might happen in the future is not going to help you. There is nothing else for you to do now. Some of the time the advice to 'cross that bridge...' is very useful.

[dudette02135]

I am very grateful for your advise. It was very helpful. I did notice that my daughter had been acting a somewhat shy with me after the episode. Today I had a conversation with her in private. I told her that I realized she had seen me doing something unusual the other night, and told her I was sorry because I could feel it had been upsetting to her. I asked if she was OK that night when she walked in. She said she was a little nervous about dad not being in the house; she wanted to sleep with me but forgot to knock. I told her that I realized that she saw me touching my private parts, and explained that this is only supposed to be done by adults who are married when their partner is not there. Then, I asked her if she had any questions. She just asked if "that" hurts, so I told her that it hurts if you do it before you are an adult. I think she was fairly reassured. I just have the concern of what to do if she decides to imitate my behavior...Thank you!