my son

[monsters]

Hi I'm not sure if my son has ADD or anything,he's 8yrs old and will wipe phoo over the bathroom walls, he can be very aggressive, controling and can be very nasty 2his little brother and sister please could someone give me any advice... He doesn't seem to understand the things he does... Please help...

[monsters]

We have got IEP in place for my daughter I'm having to go back into school as her IEP is only for her learning but her behavior is the main barrier for her learning wich is a shame as she is a very clever little girl, I'm demanding it is to be changed as the school are struggling to cope with her and they will do unless they are will to take my advice on changing the IEP (it should be focused on her behavior so she is able to learn) my sons IEP is set for anger and learning wich I've agreed with... I've been in touch with some people from parent partnership they are really good and setting up a meeting with the school to find out why things havnt been done with them aswell...
  So after all these years we finally have our foot in the door in getting things moving wich is a relief for myself and my children :) Xx
I will defo have a look at them books as I think it would be great to finally have a routine the kids will stick to...
I wish you all well, thank you xXx

[Sandman2]

   Lots of good advice above.  I just wanted to add that if either of your kids do have AD/HD then the work it takes to change their behavior goes up considerably.  And by work - I mean the consistency and immediacy needed to have an effect.  You have said several times that nothing seems to work - charts, etc.   Charts really aren't that effective at that age unless they can somehow be coupled with immediate response - which is hard to do.  
   Most experts say that it takes 3 weeks of immediate, consistent response to change a behavior.  And if the child has AD/HD its going to take even longer as they tend to act without thinking (lack of filters).   Another book besides love and logic that is helpful is  "SOS Help for Parents," by Lynn Clark.  She uses the timeout system, but stresses the importance of consistency and immediacy.   Both books will help because they will give you a system that you can stick to.  Given their ages - I might start with SOS.  But there are two really important things.  The first is trying to figure out what is going on (which you are doing).  The second is to make sure that the doctor helps you (or refers you to someone who can help you) learn how to work with your kids.
    Oh, a third part is to make sure that the school is doing all it can with either an IEP or a 504 plan.  Ashleys book has a lot of good info on this.  Best Wishes.

[specialmom]

Well monsters, I think you have the right attitude.  Do what you have to do for the best interest of your children.  I so hope that your search for answers regarding your son (and daughter) provides some.  Is there anyway you can speak to a developmental pediatrician about him?  that might help put 'everything' out there and find some direction to go.  

It was really hard on me to want so much for my son and find that he struggled.  My beautiful boy was having a hard time and it showed itself through behavior often.  Others didn't understand it but I was lucky to find people right away that were empathetic and would help me find things that would help.  I pulled from a lot of different places.  My son doesn't have autism but I used strategies for autistic kids to help him.  Whatever it took!  I haven't had to medicate my child but feel for parents that are in the situation of deciding that.  I hope no one enters into it lightly but at times, the benefits outweigh the cons.  It is difficult enough for parents without being made to feel bad for it in my opinion. Each situation and child is different and there is no "one size fits all" approach to helping them.  

Well, we are here if you ever want to run ideas around and I'd really love to hear the progress you make with both of your kids.  I am wishing and hoping for the best for you all.

[monsters]

Thank you :) Xx take care huni Xx

[margypops]

you are welcome I can tell you are a good and caring mom and you will seek the best for your child .good luck

[monsters]

I completely  agree... If natural things do not work for my daughter then I'll have to have have a good think about medication as I want the best for my children Xx
  at first I though my children were being naughty, but after a couple of years I've relised that no matter what I've tryed with them doesn't seem to work, as there getting older they seem to he getting worse we have charts the lot but nothing works..
  I've been asked a couple of times if he could have Autism/Ashperger's/PDD so I'm going to have a look to see if my son meets the criteria, then I can speak to his doctor about this...
  Thank you for all your relpys I have found different people views have helped me, I know my son is different an I'll tell him he is just like everyone else but when he feels different to I think he finds it hard himself, by coming on hear I have found a lot of new ways to help my son :)
  Thank you everyone xXx

[wantsbetter]

Um...I don't like to be confontational at all and I am not attempting to be right now but I know for myself, dealing with a child with behavior problems is very difficult!

These behaviors are stressful enough without people like you (by saying "like you" I'm talking about people I've encountered with similar opinions) making it sound like we are just trying to make too much of it, give them a problem they don't have, should be doing better as a parent (in other words), or there is nothing wrong/normal child behavior. I know for myself, I would take these opinions into consideration and they delayed intervention in my son's case because I would second guess myself.

I finally realized, after so many attempts to modify his behavior on my own, that he is not a "normal" child and I will not continue to let anyone tell me otherwise...they do not live with him or have to deal with it! I think a if a parent really thinks something may be wrong you are more than likely right. You as the parent know your child best!!!! It never hurts to get the opinion of a medical professional, while realizing that they are not always 100% correct because they do not see everything and can only go off of what they see and are told.

So, for anyone else reading this- be your child's advocate! Nobody says that just because a child has a diagnosis that they have to take medication so I don't see what's wrong with trying to get answers (by way of diagnosis, if there is one) to implement the appropriate response to the child's unique mind. By the way, if a child can not function well in school or society without medication...people should not be discourged from doing what may be best for the child! Pleople who discourage medication use often do not fully inderstand the full extent and effects of the problems. I do not like to take medication and my son is not on any but if all else fails and his behavior can not be modified enough to function in school in the fall, I will try medication. It's not what I want to do but it is not a decision I will make lightly. (he was kicked out of pre-k for behavior/disruption and aggression towards peers and teachers).

I just ask that people should try not to be judgemental and understand that people here are seeking help and support. Pleople neverfully understand a situation until they are in it themselves!

[wantsbetter]

I think you should look into the possability of high functioning autism/Ashperger's/PDD. Read stories of parents that have children within the autism spectrum, then talk to your son's medical professional about it if you feel like he relates to some of those children.

I know that I have a cousin that mess with his "poo" in the bathtoom and he is autistic. Along with some of the other things you stated, I think this could be the case. You know your son best so learning about other children that display the same symptoms can lead you in the right direction.

I hope you do find out what is different with your son and get the help you need! Good luck!

[skepticalpeach]

I have also heard great things about fish oil and have my daughter on it. I am also not comfortable using medication for neurological disorders, unless the child will not sleep. There is also emerging research about the connection between milk and disorders such as autism. It has been suspected to make everything worse.

The fact that he wipes his poo on the walls does stand out as an indicator that his problem isn't purely behavioral. Good luck figuring out what to do!

[margypops]

haha I will also leave it at that ...

[specialmom]

Feel free to contact me any time.  I am sending you a friend invite.  I know what it is like trying to do what is best for your kids and some of the confusion that goes into that.  Peace to you and hope your daughter and son both overcome all that concerns you!

[margypops]

hahah sorry meant ...want that ...I type too fast

[margypops]

Glad to hear you wouldn't be happy putting your child on meds ..trust me you will be forever glad you did not, many have really bad side effects and it is widely known that too many are prescribed .I have had and known many hyper 'naughty 'kids they dont have disorders, very often the problem can be solved with time and patience.I think you are discerning enough to see  and not want that .Supplements are a good way to go and experts have shown that antioxidents Vit C and Vit B Complex are a help .good luck

[monsters]

Thanks hun.... It was nice to talk and get a lot of idea to help with all this :) xXx thanks for all your help xXx

[specialmom]

Yes, you absolutely can make learning fun and helping kids fun!!

There is a misconception out there that just because the root cause of a child's issue that the only thing to do is medication.  That certainly is not the case and most professionals work through many different avenues.  Little Critters makes a gummy fish oil vitamin that you can get at any drug store and have no artificial colors.  You can do something called "heavy work" to calm the nervous system----  this is physical activity that uses muscle work and deep pressure.  (I have ideas if you need it).  There are behavioral techniques that are effective.  There adjustments that can be made in a classroom.  And yes, some kids do well on medication.  So, there are lots of things to try and to work with.  And it is all up to you to judge what you want to do.  

Anyway, I agree that having fun while parenting our kids is the WAY to go!  good luck

[monsters]

Thanks huni, that's a big help I think id even have a giggle with games like that :) xXx

[monsters]

Even though I've been told my daughter has ADHD and she does fit the criteria I'm not happy about putting her on medication but I have been told I can put her on pure mareen fish oils, and other natural ways, they will help relax her and help her concentrate in school wich will be a great help for her :) Xx

[specialmom]

Oh, I do understand that!  I've got my own terror that I love dearly!!  

Hm. Well, I think a speech eval. would be a great next step.  There are three parts of speech-----  articulation, receptive (understanding what others are saying) and expressive (conveying what you want to say).  Any one of these three having issues will make things difficult in learning, socializing and is very frustating to a child.  Motor planning can be involved in these areas and that is something my own son has troube with.  He has to organize and process information said to him.  His difficulty with this is part of his delay.  And he can be quite unregulated at times emotionally ----  he has an over the top outburst (sometimes I'm not sure why or it doesn't make sense) and then takes some time to calm down.  You are doing a good thing by letting him cool down by himself.  That means he is learning coping skills to bring himself back down.  The next step is 'not going there' and getting so upset in the first place.  We worked on this with an occupational therapist.  

I think a lot of kids that struggle hold themselves together at school just to function and make it through their day.  And when they get home, they fall apart.  

You could get books from the library on feelings written for kids using kid language.  It really helps give them the language that they can relate to.  You can play games to discuss emotions and recognizing them.  Act emotions out and have him guess.  That kind of thing.

There is also a great book "hands are not for hitting" that drives this message home.  
I think I'd still  stay on the path of determining what is going on behind the issues he is presenting with.  good luck dear!

[monsters]

Thank you everyone for all ur comments I have found it all really helpful :) Xx

[monsters]

He had speech therapy when was younger and they have asked for him to go back so they can work out his level of understanding... I have done all treat, sticker charts, routine charts, taking toys away wen he's when he does wronge but they don't seem to bother him if we talk about his feeling he just glaze at me like he doesn't understand what I'm talking about... Were so used to his outburst I put him in his room to calm down and tell him he needs to think about what he's doing, as soon as he calms down he'll come back down an be fine, he's such a lovely boy, even thou he can be a terrror he's my terror :) xXx

[margypops]

As you yourself say in your above post you have been to see Doctor's just go by what they have told you , some learning difficulties ., you also state you are uncertain your son has ADD go with your gut ..good luck

[specialmom]

If you determine that he doesn't have symptoms of add/adhd after you research, I also would say that there is a great book called "love and logic" by charles and jim fey (father and son psychologist team) that goes through natural consequences.  These are outcomes to his actions that he might not love but go along with behavior that YOU don't love as his mother.  Throw a toy, lose that toy.  If he is screaming, you do not listen to him and say calmly "I can't undertsand you when you are yelling but will listen when you are calm." then ignore him until he is calm.  If he hurts his sibling------------ deal breaker. So sorry, you can not go to X today.  (X is something that really matters to him).

If he is having learning issues, he could have some cognitive issues.  I'd seek professional help for that as it certainly would be frustrating.  How is his speech, fine and gross motor, and does he seem to communicate well?  

[specialmom]

I'm so glad you are taking issues with your son seriously.  I think that when we try to help our children, we are doing the best that we can for them.  

Starting the process of evaluations can be daunting.  Three things you can do is to 1. ask the school to do a full evaluation.  By federal law, all schools must assess children upon parent request.  I'd ask for a full evaluations by speech, occupational therapists, and psychologists.  Ask for all areas to be tested because some states have laws about how often evaluations can be performed.  2.  you can use your health insurance and see a child psychiatriast.  and 3.  do research to learn as much about add/adhd as you can.  

I will tell you that finding the root cause to my son's issues was the best thing I have done . . . really in my entire life.  We were able to offer him intervention that changed the course of things to the positive.  I hope the same for all families that are trying to understand.

It isn't always a disorder but finding out what is at the heart of the problem is where to begin.  And ruling things in and out is essential to true help for a child.  Thank you for being a concerned parent and taking such good care of your kids.  Peace

[margypops]

It would also be a good thing if you did some research into the disorders and why so many children are on Medications with horrific side effects for disorders they dont have..look for your self there is much information out there ..your Doctor will also advise you, go with a Mom's gut ..do not be pursueded otherwise .