need help compulsive liar

[acorn_08]

We have recently adopted and 8 year old child that I worry is a compulsive liar. We have been raising her for 2 years and despite all our efforts, this problem is not getting better. Most times her lies are automatic and about small things. But lately we have noticed the lies have also become deliberate. You will ask a question and she will pause before she ansewers with a lie. You can tell during the pause she is deciding what to say. We have tried every thing we can think of to stop this behavior. Various forms of punishments, we have talked about right and wrong, that God wants us to be truthful, that she will (and has) loose friends because they can not trust her, we have read scripture together, we have talked about how a person is only as good as their word, we have even go so far as to reward her for being truthful! Yet this problem persists and seems to be getting worse. Her birth mother and father are compulsive liars, at first we thought this was a learned behavior and once she settled into a stable safe home she would stop. We have talked to her Sunday school teacher and asked for help, we have talked to her therapist. There are many days where we will catch her as many as 5 lies. At this point it seems as though lying is a habit for her. When caught she will cry and say she is sorry but will lie about the same thing moments later. What can we do to stop this behavior? Any advise you can give would be appreciated.

[spanishbella]

I have an 11 year old daughter she is a twin...Her sister does not lie she admits the truth when she is wrong and takes the consequences of punishment like a trooper- The t.v. privileges get taken away she rolls with the punches, she can't go to the movies that week she takes it in stride- She learns remorse and learns not to repeat the same behavior I can honestly say that the other twin doesn't get punished for the same thing 3x's. Usually twice and she gets it. Her twin however, lies about everything then when she is caught she cries and apologizes and feels really sorry for herself after i punish her she goes into a self pitying mood. now I am not comparing the two never have their personalities are totally different I find it quite fascinating that they both have the same mother and father same upbringing but 2 totally completely different kids in this sense... you would think if you met them that they were raised in 2 different homes one child acts as though she is almost abused and neglected i mean honestly i am embarrassed sometimes to go out with her because she hunches her shoulders over has dark circles under her eyes has a nasty attitude comes out with comments like my sister is the prettier one. Almost like there is some deep rooted jealousy issue and she is acting out. Honestly if you didn't know the kind of proactive mom i am you would think this child is a classic case of abuse. My other twin is the little cheerleader social butterfly happy go lucky about life and loves being apart of everything she has a positive attitude and really talks to me and tells me she is worried about her sister all of the time. There is no abuse going on in the home at all- they are not beaten they are not neglected in anyway. there is no history of sexual abuse nor is there physical abuse.  I do have another child he is 3 1/2 he is well adjusted happy and healthy. My question is ...is there such a thing as genetic dispositions altering a child's personality traits to the point where there is such a thing as the good twin bad twin theory? I never before thought it could be possible but as the twins are getting older it is becoming more apparent to me that this situation is getting worse with the withdrawn twin. She is constantly lying and extremely sneaky. She is also teaching her younger brother how to talk back and question my parental authority and he is only 3. I am seeking a good psychiatrist for her. but I need someone who specializes in this type of disorder in children if this even has a name. It is intriguing to me as a Social worker, and as a parent it is frustrating. Any ideas??Does anyone know a good behavioral specialist located in NYC that deals with children in this spectrum? Maybe you can refer me to a specialist. A little background we have been to several therapists and psychiatrists and we still have not gotten down to the root of the issue. They keep saying oh mom it's just she needs positive reinforcement she needs meds she needs this or that but i have tried giving them the benefit of the doubt although deep down as her mom i knew that this wasn't the solution. I have tried my pastor I have tried everything. My last resort is to remove her from my home and send her with my mom so she can have a one on one setting where she is getting more attention that unfortunately i am unable to give her because there are 2 other children in the house. I hate to do this because to separate the family breaks my heart because this will definitely affect everyone involved. But I do not know what else to do in regards to helping her if I have exhausted all my other outlets of help. Please if anyone knows anything that can help me I would much appreciate it.

[rylndkllry]

I'm in middle school and i think im a compulsive liar i want to stop but it feels like my imagination is taking over! my parents think im fine but i know im not! all of my friends are noticing and im losing them. i steal from my friends then lie about it later i dont intentionaly do theese things but i realy need help. what do i do. i also have a realy bad atitude toward my mother and i throw things at her and get agressive i realy wish icould stop.

[bobbydog]

i have a 17 year old who i have just realised that for the last 2 years her lying has become an obsession with her and i now believe she convinces herself. i am now looking for guidance on how to help her

[fromthesouth]

I have a mother who is a compulsive liar. She lies behind all of her 4 adult kids back, seeking their approval, stirring up trouble, when confronted, she will cry, pout, and act like we have commited a crime. I am sick of this. It has become such a problem with all of her kids, not any of us wants to be around her. She fabricates even bigger lies to her friends for attention from them, all the time, making HER OWN CHILDREN look bad!. I cannot for the life of me see why a mother would do this to her own kids.  I have washed my hands with this woman.She is an instigator to the max; all of our lifes, she has acted this way. And, I might add, her mother was the same identical way. Always stirring up trouble between all of her sibblings.

[deadjelly]

I think im a compilsive liar. I dont think theres anyway to write all this without being judged so Ill just be honest.

Im 16 now, it started when I was about 12. Id lie to be more exciting, for sympathy and I guess I just have this ridiculous need for attention. My lies only tend to be directed at freinds, its ironic i always say that my family know nothing abou me but in truth they probs no more, theyve been fed less lies.

Its pathetic and I despise what Im doing, but i see no escape, one lie leads to another and now there is now way of getting out of it

My lies just recently have became far more dramatic, I dont need to be tld whta im doing is wrong, im aware of that, Im not stupid either at least not academicaly, i guess im just caught up in my own mess

[question4y'all]

I would try to have some positive teaching about honesty. She is young enough to learn some character from you guys. You may want to read her stories that emphasize honesty, like.. The Children's book of Virtues and Bible stories. I would encourage her every time that she tells the truth and correct and/or discipline EVERY TIME that she lies. Lying is something that needs to be corrected while she is young. It will be a huge problem if it gets worse. Good Luck!

[blondie72]

I have an 8 yr old DD also and I feel she tells lies a lot also - I have no proof of it but I wonder if this is actually normal behavior for this age - It seems like with my DD she just likes to EXTEND the truth a bit - Add some of her own things to it  -  Does that make sense????  Good Luck - I know it is hard.   If you feel it gets too bad you may want to seek professional help.  

[RockRose]

What is she lying about?  Is she telling lies to make herself look more exciting,  smart,  (like,  she did better on her test,  or she won the race,  etc.),  is she telling lies to keep from getting into trouble for something she's done,  or is she telling lies that seem to make no sense whatsoever because they don't "help" her?

It seems like she's getting a lot of attention for lying - I wonder if completely ignoring it might help a little.