new friends

[viking1980]

I am a divorced father of 3 ( 10yo boy, 9yo girl ,5yo girl ). My ex-wife started hanging around a neighborhood family about 3 months ago. They have a 15yo boy, and 14 yo girl in high school. This family is at my ex's house every single day and night. The mom is there every night smoking and watching TV with my ex. The kids spend every weekend, weeknight and holiday with this family, and not much time with friends their own age. My 9 yo talks non-stop about her friend who is in high school, and spends every day with this girl who appears to have no friends her own age.  Her mother is even allowing her to miss her summer camp multiple days when she is with kids her own age, to hang around this high school girl. There was also an incident in which my son came to me with. This 15 yo high school boy was talking to him about restraining and doing sexual things to some girl. I talked to my son about it, and told my ex I was concerned. After I voiced concern to his mother, my son said he made a mistake and the kid didnt really say it. I asked where he heard it then, and now he says he made a mistake, and wont talk about it.

Another neighbor has also contacted me saying his kids will have nothing to do with this family, and has informed me that they are purchasing very expensive gifts for my kids ( video systems, camcorders,theme park season passes etc ) . My ex has always been all about money, and I assume that is why she is hanging with this family.  I do not think this is healthy for the kids, as their behavior and attitude is also being affected.  The neighbor who contacted me told me that when they have been at his house my 9 year old daughter is very mouthy and using all kinds of swear words including the word C_ _ _ _.  I am horrified to hear that my child is saying things like that.  My 10 year old son was also just kicked out of summer camp for the rest of the summer for his bad behavior ( language and hitting other kids ).  My ex has bought the kids cell phones, text plans etc, to keep up with this family.  Their entire worth revolves around what they have.

I am concerned about the safety of my kids, and the fact that the ex seems more concerned about her friendship with this women, and her monetary gains than her kids. She now tells me they are good people, and have a "family relationship" with her and my kids. This seems like an awfully FAST and somewhat strange relationship. Do I have right to be concerned?

[erinty]

i think you absolutely have the right to be concerned they are just as much your kids as they are hers.  I agree that you should seek joint of sole custody of your children.  Mothers aren't always necessarily better parents.  If you have a gut feeling that something isn't right with your children then it probably is not. Fathers play a very important role in the lives of both their sons and their daughters.  

[Agiesmom]

This is a big reason I think people should try to work on their relationships if at all possible (unless, of course, there is abuse, addiction, or adultery).  If you live in the same house as your children, you have much more say over what they do and who they befriend.

I'm not an authority on this, but I believe that unless there is something illegal going on (drugs, abuse, neglect, etc.), I really don't think there's anything you can do--except try to get joint (or sole) physical custody so you can see them at least half the time, lessening their exposure to this other family.  And if you live in a different school district, move to theirs.  Have them physically with you at least half the week or every other week at your house.