normal behavior?

[atlanticmom]

My 4 year daughter was recently reported, by a 5 year old girl, to have initiated sexual play on a playdate at this girl's house.  This 5 year old girl, whose parents are going through a very bitter divorce, told her mother they had been doing something "too horrible" to tell, namely, touching each other's private parts.
Further, she claimed that my daughter put her finger into the girl's anus, and then a pen. My daughter has always been experimental--she loves to touch and taste everything. She has had a tendency from a very early age to touch herself in the bath tub, and to explore her body's openings with her finger. I can imagine my daughter being curious to touch another girl's privates, but the thing that really worries me is the penetration with a foreign object, if it indeed did happen (I suppose it is possible the other little girl, who is older, initiated all this herself...my daughter does not want to talk about the incident, and she keeps saying it was the other girl's idea, but I'm not sure if that is true. There were no witnesses.)
The mother of the little girl in the incident took her daughter to the pediatrician, who told her that this behavior could be indicative of sexual abuse..that my daughter has had this done to her at some point. My pediatrician tells me this behavior, absent other odd behavior, is within the realm of normal sex play between very young unsupervised kids.

[gitsum]

the whole penetration with a foreign object thing could simply be something they thought of themselves. if it isn't sexual abuse then simply move on. certainly watch for further behavior, but move on.

also talk about statutory rape, sexual contact and how it should only be done in a dedicated relationship when she is much older, etc. just don't make it taboo or flat out tell her never to do it again, she needs to know why.

[atlanticmom]

Yes, I am inclined to think penetration with a pen is beyond normal...a finger, or fingertip, I can see, since my daughter does that to herself, and that is not so invasive or painful as a pen! I just cannot picture my daughter taking the initiative, grabbing a pen in the girls' home, and doing this...the social worker I spoke to thought that it was likely the girl was asked leading questions by her very upset parents, like "did she put anything else in you? What, a lipstick, crayon, pen?!!" and the girl maybe exaggerated, for whatever reason. The parents are at each other's throats in the divorce, and the girl is under a lot of stress.

[atlanticmom]

I do think it must have been both girls' idea (how could my 4 year old preschooler, who is younger, force the 5 year old kindergartner, in her own home, with her mother and nanny in the house, to do something if she wasn't wanting to? Especially having something put into one's anus..it isn't something a child would sit still for, you know? The normal reaction would be to squirm, jump, yell, get out of there as quickly as possible!) We are going to take her to a specialist...a doctor who deals in these kinds of matters, who is trained to assess whether the child might have been abused. thanks for listening.

[specialmom]

I actually disagree and think I'd be more concerned than that.  I think the penetration with a pen is beyond the scope of normal play.  I would be concerned and watch her very closely.  good luck

And by the way, child on child molestation is a sad cycle.  Once a child has been molested, they are indeed very likely to carry out the same actions on another child.  
Peace and luck

[RockRose]

Oh my.  Mothers do over react,  don't they?  

My guess is this was both girl's ideas,  and of course there were no witnesses,  this wouldn't have happened in the presence of others.  ;D  

I totally agree with your pediatrician - this is typical behavior in unsupervised children.