5 Year Old Discipline Problem At School or Normal Behavior?

[kynkari]

My 5 year old son seems to be struggling at school with discipline.  He doesn't listen well and the teacher has to repeat herself and she says he is sometimes defiant.  He doesn't talk back, but he sometimes ignores instructions and continues to do what he wants.  Time outs don't seem to have any effect nor the principal’s office.

My son is on a good behavior system where he can earn 3 good marks in the morning for performing his daily activities without incidence, he gets to play for 5 minutes with some toys he has brought from home.  He can earn another 5 minutes in the afternoon.  This worked for about 4 weeks and now he doesn't seem to care about playing with the toy, even if we switch up the rewards to something more interesting.  They also have a system where they get a certain color for behavior for the day, which goes from green to red.  My son brings home reds about 70% of the time.

What I find very strange is that he doesn't act this way at home, and our family and friends are shocked that they are calling him defiant.  He rarely needs us to repeat ourselves and he follows instructions 95% of the time.  He certainly isn't defiant.  

This is the teacher's first year teaching, she's very young, and I wonder if she isn't a little over-sensitive to what she considers disruptive behavior?  I've gotten phone calls for him jumping in a pile of leaves during a fire drill, walking around the classroom during reading time, and not standing in line properly.  

These things seem to be to be fairly normal 5 year old behavior, though they do need to be corrected because he has to learn somehow.  I've met with her a few times and she keeps saying she's worried about him having Oppositional Defiance Disorder or ADD.  She disagrees vehemently with me when I tell her that occasionally testing limits, impulsiveness, and sometimes not listening is pretty typical of a 5 year old boy, especially one that just turned 5 as he did.

Am I in denial?  

[Grandma056]

Does your son have any problems with boredom at school?  For instance, is he learning new material at school or does he already know much of what is being taught?

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

If your son is not following directions because he is not paying attention that would not be unusual for a child of five. On the other hand, if he is defying the teacher, that would not be regarded as within the normal range of expectations.