preschool teacher with violent oit of control child HELP!!

[cynthia649]

Hi i have been teaching pre kindergarten for two years. We recently got a new student last week. On his first day he jumped the fence and ran. He refuses to listen to Sammy of the teachers in my center. Hes constantly running out of the classroom and today he ran and was mIssing forten minutes then was found outside on a loading dock! He is very violent. Kicks me threatens me and punches me in the face as well as the other teachers.  He recently was taken from his home because of abuse so my boss ultimately feela sorry for him and insisted that if he left our center It would only be worse. Next week when.school starts i will be by myself with Him. He has chocked three children. He climbed my closet to grab my disinfectants and sprayed me in the face,  stands on my tables, slams my mirror in hopes of breaking it. ALL of m attention goes to him. any advice? ?!! help

[Sandman2]

   Frankly, the grandmother needs to observe him in class.  I would make this part of his returning to school.   And, yes, if you are a private school, then I would document everything and then find reason to get him into the public system where he can be helped.

[RockRose]

I wonder,  if his behavior was so much better at the last center he attended,  why is he not still there?

[specialmom]

But when you call her she says he did that to her the day before so wont pick him up.  Have the director or yes, head of the church call her.  

I think you should check your state guidelines to be honest.  A 16 to 1 ratio of 3 year olds is a lot of kids.  I'm not aware of any special summer changes to state laws regarding appropriate ratios.  So, double check that.  

I wouldn't feel bad about discussing this with the pastor.  You've talked to the director to no avail.  That the preschool is being run this way is not good for the church and the preschool reputation as a whole.  

Is this daycare or preschool by the way?

[cynthia649]

Yes i agree. Since it is summer the ratio is 16 children to 1 teacher. During vpk hours it is 11 kids to one teacher. Its not common for a vpk teacher to have a aide we normally work alone. The boy was sent home for the rest of the week for his behavior today and will return monday but in a different room with yet another teacher Who has already dealt with the child and has no more control over him than anyone else does.and i will still have the child from 12-4 . The next person i would have to speak to would be The pastor (our childcare is through a church). I dont feel this is fair though because he is not aware of the daycare and preschool guidelines and requirements,  he simply is in charge of the "entire church " including the daycare.i dont think switching teachers will help but grandmother insist he doesnt act like this at home or the last center he was at so has no intentions on getting help. Is there anyone else i can seek help from ? Is whats happening illegal in anyway ? I cant afford to just quit.

[RockRose]

cynthia,  I wouldn't work there under those conditions.  You are very vulnerable here - both physically and legally.  If that child maims another child  - and it can happen in a moment - you are responsible because you are the one in the room and are responsible for the care and safety of the other children.

I think it's only a matter of time before he picks up a marker and rams it into another child's eyeball,  or pushes a child so hard they bang their head and get a concussion.


The lack of response from your supervisor is shocking and scary.

I'd resign tomorrow,  and submit a well-documented letter to your supervisor and whoever owns the company (or church,  whatever facility this is you are employed by).

Best wishes.  Really,  remarkable irresponsibility by your supervisors.

[specialmom]

Hm.  First, I'd make sure your preschool is within state guidelines.  In our state, you'd have to have at least one aide for that many kids at that age.  

Honestly, you are describing a child that is unsafe.  Your first job as a teacher is to make sure ALL kids are safe.  I would express this to the director.  How many phone calls would it take from the other kids parents for the director to realize you can not ignore choking and hitting.  If the director is compelled to keep this child in the classroom, the director needs to either be there herself or have an aide specifically there just to manage this child.

I'm a big advocate for kids.  I really am.  I parent a child that needed support in preschool.   My heart bleeds for kids that are struggling.  BUT, it does not help him to manage the situation this way.  

The grandmother's response was not helpful.  It sounds like boundaries must be laid for his guardians.  And the director's hands are not tied.  

In truth, the public school system sounds where this child should be.  They have greater resources to manage a child that is physically violent.  

Ugh, sorry you are getting no support.  But I'm guessing your school is not within state guidelines and that soon enough, other parents are going to scream a blue streak about this child hurting theirs.  They have to feel like the school they send their kids to is a safe place.  good luck

[cynthia649]

Thank you guys so much for your advice. However, i do not have any contact with the grandmother because he gets here before i do. And leaves after i do. I only get information through the grape vine here through staff who do have contact with her. I sent a letter home about him punching me in my face. She was apparently upset because she never got a phone call. When i contacted the office at my center after him punching me in my face and choking the little girl my bosses response was "im not coming to Get him, he beat the crap outta me yesterday.  Wait and see if he calms down " click.  And i was by MYSELF with 13 kids. I have told my boss i feel like i can not handle him and they said having help in my room is "up in the air" ...today he choked another child and during water play outside he shoved another childs head underwater refusing to ket him up. A volunteer jumped in and pulled him off. I began to go after him to confront him of this incident and my boss (who saw what was going on) said "let it go" REALLY. ?? I feel like im alone in my work place because no one wants to deal with him and my boss neglects my input on the situation.  She says he is being evaluated but might not be for three weeks or so because theyre very busy

[RockRose]

In reading the other two responses,  I agree with them as well although my answer is different.

I hope you post back with an update,  cynthia.  

[specialmom]

Missed the part about abuse.  Sorry.  Yes, the parents will likely be unhelpful.  

I would talk to the director and she will need to come to your class and observe and help.  That's something she can do right now.  Second, have her contact whomever handles children with issues with your school.  Most schools do have a system of evaluating these children and then providing some type of in school support.  And agree with sandman, if the school doesn't have a private grant, that the public school system gets a call and they can do the evaluating process.  

I'd offer lots of choices to this child as well on top of sandman's suggestions.  LOTs of choices.  Do you want to walk with me holding my hand down the hall or Johny's?  Do you want to sit on the carpet square here or next to me?  or do you want to sit in this chair beside the group?  Do you want to help pass out the napkins for snack or sit at the table.  These choices will help a lot because it gives him a bit of control.  And then on things that are absolute no's, he's more likely to listen because he has control over other things.  

I do feel bad for this child.  I am sure he is quite the burden to you in the classroom though.  I think that bringing the director in daily is important and time outs in her office is also a good idea.  

Very sad situation though.  Just know that if you help this boy along in any way, you could be the catalyst to life changes.  We personally are in debt to our son's very first preschool teacher for life for the kindness she showed him and her wiliness to help get him on track. peace

[RockRose]

Hm.  I think if your boss decides to continue to allow this child to be enrolled, you need an aid in the classroom.  You can't do this by yourself.   If I were the parents of another child in the class,    and learned you were alone in teaching this class with this child present,  I would withdraw my child and find another PreK situation.  This is not workable as she proposes.   No child is perfect but this one poses a clear danger to all the other children,  you,  and himself.

There are possible scenarios:

1.  This child was born with average potential,  and has been ruined through abuse.

2.  This child has a severe organic brain disorder that causes his antisocial behavior,  and the parents resorted to extreme and harsh methods to try to cope.

3.  A combination of the first two.

My guess is,  #2 is most  likely,   and in fact,  that's the scenario that holds out the least amount of hope that a structured,  encouraging environment like your preschool will be able to overcome his behavior difficulties.

This is a time to advocate for yourself and the other students in your class,  cynthia.    Your boss is not grasping this - I think she'd feel differently if she were the one who was going to have to manage him alone all day in a classroom of other children.  Its not safe.

Best wishes.  

[Sandman2]

   I agree with what specialmom says.  But I doubt that talking with the parents will help.  Especially, if he has been taken from the home because of abuse.  So I would probably start with the social workers.
  But, I feel for the kid.  He hasn't asked for the situation and is basically only responding to the situation.  And, as specialmom nicely said, he also could be responding to the  drugs his mother took when pregnant.  I also worry for you.  You can not help him and help your other children at the same time.  What's worse.  If he runs out of your class - you cannot go after him and leave your kids alone.  This creates a very, very scary situation that could legally come back and bite your school.  Let me repeat that - do not leave your kids to chase him!  Call the office.   Not to mention what could happen if he hurts other kids and the parents can prove he was not adequately supervised.  And because of that, I worry about your boss the most.  I am glad he feels sorry for the kid, because the child is gonna spend a lot of time in your bosses office.      
    All schools have rules.  Everytime the child breaks a rule - document it!  I would also have a camera/smartphone ready to film everything.  When ever the child breaks a rule that warrants a trip to the office - send him.  You boss needs to then document and then start suspending the child, until somebody on the outside gets the message.   Being blunt.  I was a elementary school principal.  This is not something that I would expect a teacher to deal with by herself.  If you boss can't figure this out, then maybe he will get the message when he has to start baby sitting the child in his office.  Your boss needs to start calling in help - and it should be available if you are a public school.  If you are a private school - then cut him lose.
   But once again.  It is highly important to document, document, document.
   Now, things that might help.   Try an find a chlld who can be a friend to this child.  Any older kids around?  At recess or lunch try and talk to him by yourself.  Try to get to know him.  See if there is anyway to get him out on the playground and moving early in the day.  Does he get breakfast!  If he is not eating - that will really screw up his morning.
   Keep in touch and let us know what is happening!!  Double good luck!

[specialmom]

Hi there.  Sorry this is happening.  You have two roles here.  To protect the other students and to worry about this young child that has much going on.  I'd start by talking to his parents.  Has he been in preschool before?  Are the parents aware of any problems?  How does he socialize or handle stress at home and in other settings?

Have the school director and teacher of the child sit down and talk about this.

In truth, what you mention is a sign of some type of neurological issue.  Fight or flight is a response that the nervous system will go to.  Flight, his running away and fight, the kicking and hitting.  My own son has sensory integration disorder---  he wasn't violent but many kids like him in the early years can be.  He spent a lot of time wandering in the class and would 'mess up' what other kids were playing with.  Mostly because he didn't know how to join in and what was going on in his own head was chaotic.  His flight was very common though.  he'd run out the classroom and down the hall.  he did this when he felt threatened.  It was a neurological impulse.  

We were fortunate to have a teacher well versed in early childhood developmental issues.  She asked for a therapist and occupational therapist to observe him for a few days.  Many private preschools have grants to do this.  Does your school offer this?  Once determined that he indeed had other things going on, the therapist and OT came up with classroom strategies to help my son adapt.  

we also started doing occupational therapy.  

My boy is now 9 years old and has no intervention at all in school, has never been in trouble there, and does quite well.  

I think goodness every single day for that preschool teacher that looked at my son like a child who needed help verses a problem she just didn't want to deal with.  

so, I think that you first must balance the safety of the other kids and yourself (if he is spraying things at you) and then can move on to seeing if there is any way of helping this child.  A good first step is to talk to his parents.  good luck