Aa
stealing food
I have a 7 year old daughter and a 5 year old son. They are generally well behaved, good in school etc. The problem we are having is they constantly steal food- goodies, I mean, not like making a sandwich in the middle of the night. They eat well and often and we have regularly scheduled meals and snacks throughout the day. I am passionate about nutrition and we eat very healthily (is that a word, sorry), but they do get cookies, gum, and other marginal food- I'm not a food Nazi, as long as they eat their meals I'm fine with the occasional not so great snacks... we have removed as much as possible to minimize temptation, but there are still snacks in the pantry meant to go in their lunches, or for example candy we bought to give out for Halloween this week- at their ages, there is just no place they cannot access short of locking cupboards which I am against on principal- we are family!! Am I kidding myself that they should be able to break out of this habit? It's very upsetting to me and I definitely overreact when I find the evidence, I am just so continually shocked that they keep stealing even knowing that it sends mommy over the edge, let alone that I really believe they do understand that it's wrong. They don't steal anything else from anyone else. I feel sure that this is pretty common behaviour in this age range but don't know how to react properly or guide them toward abandoning it. Any help would be ever so appreciated!!!!
i have a 12 y/o son and he doesnt regardless of what is in the house. he gets s nack right before bed time, offered 2nd on supper etc.. this doesnt stop it. and it isnt just "junk" food that he takes. it is cereal,crackers,granola,string cheese.. and it isnt just 1 serving of these things. he will eat the whole box of cereal, or a whole package of string cheese. i cant lock everything up in my room at night, we have 3 other children and it isnt fair to them cause he takes and eats all the snacks before anyone even has a chance to get any...
1 Comments
Wow, I completely understand I am going through this same thing and it's with 2 kids doing it.
I am impressed with and thankful for the longevity of this thread. Our 12-year-old son has been stealing and hoarding food for years. After finding an empty Nutella jar and empty box of fruit snacks between his mattresses tonight, and then blowing my top, it’s comforting to see I’m not alone. Thanks to all the contributors.
Admittedly, before having children, I always gave advice, judged parents, made assumptions, and said in a whisper, “If that were MY kid, …” And I probably would still say it if all my kids were typical kids. Sometimes, you don’t know what you don’t know, and unless you know, you should say nothing.
…Now, I have THAT kid. And love him to pieces, by the way. But I often feel like I am being punished for the “advice” I used to give and judgement I would cast.
For those who post the common-sense solutions, I can assure stealing and hoarding food is NOT a common-sense sort of problem. It is NOT about what food is in the house, how strict you are, sugar cravings, inadequate supplies of foods, restricting food, etc., etc.
It IS a very real, seemingly unusual, bank-breaking, unfair, problematic behavior. And the root cause can be from an array of issues that may or may not be known.
Our son came to us at 9 months old and had already suffered multiple forms of abuse, neglect, and abandonment. We have learned through much education and constant research that our son HONESTLY has no idea why he steals and binges on food. When we talk with him about it, he seems regretful and says that he can’t stop himself when he has the urge to steal food. And it is NOT because he’s hungry or has cravings. He knows that it’s wrong. And now, if confronted, he will fess up (we’ve made progress!). I believe the behavior has alot to do with needing to feel in control. He has PTSD and ADHD, both of which likely contribute… insecurities, unconscious fears, impulsivity, etc. I also think he may experience the typical desire to test to see what he can get away with and/or the thrill of getting away with something (but I hope not). He has a defiant personality, so that could be contributing. Honestly, parents, you may never know the cause.
We have tried everything, and I mean everything. The only thing that works is locking stuff up. And, we keep our eyes on him as much as possible (he is incredibly sneaky). We have cameras around food areas, and a motion detector for evenings. At times, he still figures out how to get food, but it is much less frequent.
I know these measures are extreme, but they are the only things that have worked for us. People judge us, but we’re over caring what people think. The expense of it all has more than paid for itself now that our grocery bill is manageable again.
The bottom line - our son is not starving, and he has ready access to any food he wants at any time other than sleep time (we are otherwise with him, and he can have anything he asks for). He helps make the grocery shopping lists, and he gets anything he wants.
We use our extreme measures hoping that this will eventually pass. He attends therapies, we take steps to help him feel secure, and we provide for him abundantly. As he matures and becomes more emotionally intelligent, I hope he will be able to consider the behaviors more objectively and regain self-control.
It’s a long road, but our children are worth it. Parents, you are doing everything right, so please don’t beat yourself up like I did. Embrace it as an issue that requires unique parenting, do what you have to do to stop the behavior (unless you are withholding food, they aren’t hungry!), and support, support, support them. If needed, get professional help. And know that there will be an end - there has to be, right!?
Admittedly, before having children, I always gave advice, judged parents, made assumptions, and said in a whisper, “If that were MY kid, …” And I probably would still say it if all my kids were typical kids. Sometimes, you don’t know what you don’t know, and unless you know, you should say nothing.
…Now, I have THAT kid. And love him to pieces, by the way. But I often feel like I am being punished for the “advice” I used to give and judgement I would cast.
For those who post the common-sense solutions, I can assure stealing and hoarding food is NOT a common-sense sort of problem. It is NOT about what food is in the house, how strict you are, sugar cravings, inadequate supplies of foods, restricting food, etc., etc.
It IS a very real, seemingly unusual, bank-breaking, unfair, problematic behavior. And the root cause can be from an array of issues that may or may not be known.
Our son came to us at 9 months old and had already suffered multiple forms of abuse, neglect, and abandonment. We have learned through much education and constant research that our son HONESTLY has no idea why he steals and binges on food. When we talk with him about it, he seems regretful and says that he can’t stop himself when he has the urge to steal food. And it is NOT because he’s hungry or has cravings. He knows that it’s wrong. And now, if confronted, he will fess up (we’ve made progress!). I believe the behavior has alot to do with needing to feel in control. He has PTSD and ADHD, both of which likely contribute… insecurities, unconscious fears, impulsivity, etc. I also think he may experience the typical desire to test to see what he can get away with and/or the thrill of getting away with something (but I hope not). He has a defiant personality, so that could be contributing. Honestly, parents, you may never know the cause.
We have tried everything, and I mean everything. The only thing that works is locking stuff up. And, we keep our eyes on him as much as possible (he is incredibly sneaky). We have cameras around food areas, and a motion detector for evenings. At times, he still figures out how to get food, but it is much less frequent.
I know these measures are extreme, but they are the only things that have worked for us. People judge us, but we’re over caring what people think. The expense of it all has more than paid for itself now that our grocery bill is manageable again.
The bottom line - our son is not starving, and he has ready access to any food he wants at any time other than sleep time (we are otherwise with him, and he can have anything he asks for). He helps make the grocery shopping lists, and he gets anything he wants.
We use our extreme measures hoping that this will eventually pass. He attends therapies, we take steps to help him feel secure, and we provide for him abundantly. As he matures and becomes more emotionally intelligent, I hope he will be able to consider the behaviors more objectively and regain self-control.
It’s a long road, but our children are worth it. Parents, you are doing everything right, so please don’t beat yourself up like I did. Embrace it as an issue that requires unique parenting, do what you have to do to stop the behavior (unless you are withholding food, they aren’t hungry!), and support, support, support them. If needed, get professional help. And know that there will be an end - there has to be, right!?
I am 14 and I steal food. I think I have a problem. I can't tell anyone because they think it's for attention or its just an excuse to get out of trouble. It's not. I think I have a problem.
1 Comments
After years on this forum as the Community Leader, I have found that when kids steal food its not for attention or an excuse to get out of trouble. The actually have a medical problem. Sometimes it ADHD medication, sometimes its diabetics or thyroid problems, anxiety, depression, or simply a growing spurt. Point being....ya, you probably have a problem which is not going to get any better till you talk about it with someone. How long has this been going on for you? And do you feel the need for food all day long or just at certain times.
My boyfriend's oldest son..12.. is stealing has been for a year today we bought locks. He doesn't care for punishment. He's stolen his brothers cookies that his brother bought with his own allowance. He sneaks in the middle of the night so we are putting a stop to it. It's not starving. It's enforcing rules. They can do as they please when they aren't under our roofs. Plain and simple. Kids need to learn self control at some point in life.
It's part of an issue with what you're doing!
You think that the kids can be okay having a bag of Halloween candy laying there before their eyes and tempting them all day long, and then you punish them for eating it!? Kids are not adults! Some of them have short term memory especially 5 year olds. As a child I repeatedly got punished for jumping on the bed. And then I always do it again. Because sometimes as a child when you get excited you forget!
As kids we ate all 5+large bags of Halloween candy. All of it. Even the ones we didn't like. It was only after that that my mom realized and had to lock up the Halloween candy every year and distribute them fairly. That worked.
Do you punish them for eating the candy, or do you just get mad? Getting mad won't help. If they see that you just get mad, and eventually you'll feel better later, that is a small price to pay especially if you have no authority.
You need to discipline them. Punish (age appropriate punishments) them because they knew it was wrong but did it anyways. Your discipline has to be consistent or else it will confuse them. If you discipline at one point, but don't at another, they won't know what to do or what really is wrong or not.
And don't make it difficult for them by putting candy in plain site. It's a temptation. They're not trying to push your buttons on purpose, kids just like candy. But they need to know what is right and wrong, and if mommy says no, then it's no. And if they break the rules, then it's obvious they will get punished for it. Very important that kids learn this, as it will protect them from touching the knives or guns or matches, etc.
You think that the kids can be okay having a bag of Halloween candy laying there before their eyes and tempting them all day long, and then you punish them for eating it!? Kids are not adults! Some of them have short term memory especially 5 year olds. As a child I repeatedly got punished for jumping on the bed. And then I always do it again. Because sometimes as a child when you get excited you forget!
As kids we ate all 5+large bags of Halloween candy. All of it. Even the ones we didn't like. It was only after that that my mom realized and had to lock up the Halloween candy every year and distribute them fairly. That worked.
Do you punish them for eating the candy, or do you just get mad? Getting mad won't help. If they see that you just get mad, and eventually you'll feel better later, that is a small price to pay especially if you have no authority.
You need to discipline them. Punish (age appropriate punishments) them because they knew it was wrong but did it anyways. Your discipline has to be consistent or else it will confuse them. If you discipline at one point, but don't at another, they won't know what to do or what really is wrong or not.
And don't make it difficult for them by putting candy in plain site. It's a temptation. They're not trying to push your buttons on purpose, kids just like candy. But they need to know what is right and wrong, and if mommy says no, then it's no. And if they break the rules, then it's obvious they will get punished for it. Very important that kids learn this, as it will protect them from touching the knives or guns or matches, etc.
Are you strict in other things besides food? My friends parents were very strict and the kids used goodies as a way to be in control of something, anything. I'm not saying anything bad about what you're doing, I just know when all else fails you have food that you can decide how to control.
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