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step son

My step son is a brilliant 15 year old.  He is like all teenagers in some ways.  However he is always talking over the adults and when I correct him, his father interupts me and tells me and him both to be quiet.  He is always bothering me when his Dad isn't home by the constant annoying of telling me he wish I was like his Mother  and that I am a career woman and from the city. His Mom was an outdoors woman and knew everything about nature and I know nothing.  I should be more like her or my Mom.  He also checks the telephone calls on my phone, he screams at his Dad and tells him to shut up.  He always ask me why I had children so young?  That it was wrong.  I raised my children and they are grown and I am kind enough to attempt to raise him and treat him like my own but I can't.  He has no friends, he thinks he knows everything and is going to grow up and have the perfect life and wife. My husband thinks he is a saint.  He slips and drinks and was doing something illegal until I told on him and his Dad stopped him.  My husband just laughed when I told him about it until he discovered it.  Then he laughed and told him not to do it anymore.  My step son thinks that you can get away with crime. He says, yes you can get away with crime and never be caught.  His grandmother is aiding in his problems.  She supports him right or wrong. Of course, he does no wrong.  She buys him babyfood and nutripal bars for vitamins.  I wish that I had never married this man because of his son.  I love his son but the way the two of us raise children is completely different. My children are not saints but I did teach them to respect adults and they would not disrescpect my husband the way that my step son disrespects me.  I am so tired of it.            


This discussion is related to Teenagers are disrespectful to step father.
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Avatar universal
I hope you are right. Maybe he is just unsure of himself and that is the reason that he is so critical of others and has the attitude.  His Mom is deceased.  She passed about 4 years ago.
I know it was hard on him.  I am the only one that he confides in about him Mom.  He will not even talk to his grandmother about her.
His Mom was the only one who had boundaries for him.

I feel sorry for him. I guess that I need to try to understand him but he constantly puts me down and disrespects me and it is so hard to understand him when I am trying to love and help him and he is so mean to me.  
I will refrain from mentioning his illegal activity.  I just want the best for him and I want him to grow up and be a happy, healthy young man.  He has his entire future ahead of him but just needs something and I am unsure of how to give it.  I hug him and tell him that I love him but sometimes it doesn't seem to be enough.

I also treat him just like my own child except, I can't correct him.  He says, 'You are not my Mom and can't tell me what to do.'   He is so negative and mean to me.   I never allowed my children to do the things that he does or say the things that he says to me.  I guess he resents me because him Mom isn't around.  Whenever we discuss his Mom, I tell him that I can't take her place but I will be a Mom to you, if you will let me.
He says,'"I have no Mom,  I am tough and I don't have a Mom."  I just reply and tell him that he did have a Mom and she is still with him inside his heart and she has never left him and she would never want anything bad for him that she loves him.  

I really try hard but sometimes I get so frustrated that I want to give up.            
Helpful - 0
13167 tn?1327194124
Kay,  I'm trying to picture him,  and I see him as kind of a lost guy trying to figure out how to act.  The way you describe him he doesn't sound like one of those guys who's way too full of himself and way too sure of himself - kind of exactly the opposite.  He sounds like he doesn't have a great set of social skills,  so he comes off cocky where he really is unsure of himself.

Are the crimes drugs?  I'm kind of curious about the illega things he's doing.

Where is his mother?
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I don't think that anything is wrong with the nutripal. I just think that he should be given the opportunity to grow up.  He has been doing illegal things so I don't think that nutripal is the issue here.
I think the issue is a boy trying to be an adult that does not respect adults and has expectations of the world that are untrue. (example- you can get away with crime)

I also love him and see many good qualities in him. I just want him to have a normal life.
He doesn't have any friends and thinks that he is above the law.  

I am a grandmother also.  I love my grandchildren but I also know that all children and adults can do right and wrong.  No-one is perfect.  I did correct my children and tell them when they did something wrong.  This child does not receive correction or if he gets any, he just yells at his Dad and tells him to shut up.
  
Helpful - 0
13167 tn?1327194124
Is the truth somewhere in the middle here?  The dad thinks he is a saint,  you seem to not see many positive qualities,  and his grandmother loves him and thinks he can do no wrong.  Obviously he's not perfect,  but when grandma thinks he's perfect - at the age of 15 - he at least has the ability to form a loving and close relationship with her.  

I occasoinally buy babyfood for my 13 year old - he loves the blueberry desserts.  What's wrong with nutripal?  

Where is his mother?  Is she still living?
Helpful - 0
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