Aa
temper tantrums in the middle of the night
Dear medhelp, I have a daughter of 23 months and since she was born she has never been a good sleeper due to the fact that I was breastfeeding her on demand and that she was sleeping with me in bed. My husband is not at home most of the time cause of his job and so I'm the only caregiver of the child. 7 months ago I found out to be pregnant and since then I've decided to stop breastfeeding and sleep with her. It'has been tough but since then she's started to sleep through the night from 10.30 to 8 o'clock sometimes till 9.30 waking up few times crying but soothing herself back to sleep quickly. Lately we have started some works in our bedroom and we started to sleep in our daughter room. Unfortunatly we had many delays and the noise of us in the bed plus the alarm clock of my husband at 4 o'clock in the morning started to wake her up asking to come in bed to sleep with me...I suggested my husband to go to sleep in the living room living her undisturbed but he refused .Now when she wakes up at three she has temper tantrums..she screams and shouts that she wants to sleep but doesnt want to be touched and doesn't even want my hand or my hugs...I just wait patiently till it ends but the problem is my husband that shouts to the baby saying to stop screaming and saying that this is not normal. When she stops screaming she unable to get back to sleep anymore even if i try everything to soothe her. she just wants to go downnstairs to play If I say no she starts again shouting and screaming. I'm also very concerned about the new baby coming in 2 months cause my daughter is really close just to me and doensn't accept anyone else . so I want to solve the problem as soon as possible and have some advice of how to behave with her when the new baby will arrive. i will also have a mother in law coming to help me that will spend most of the time with my daughter the first months...I really need help!!!
Thanks Adgal.
I do the same with my daughter keeping off the tv an hour before and avoiding giving food close to the bedtime. i have lots of books about the sleeping but at the end i follow my instinct. I've started to cosleep with my lil one when she was only 8 weeks and she was taking my breast while sleeping aswell. She's been cosleeping with me till 18 19 months then because of my pregnancy and the disconfort that sleeping together was giving to both of us(i've noticed that she was not sleeping well cause of my movements through the night and I was having pregnancy sickness night and day) I've decided to stop. It has been hard just for a couple of days but then she quickly understood that nothing bad was going to happen without me..Yesterday I finally convinced my husband to sleep in the living room and so she went to bed crying a little but not so bad...in the middle of the night she woke up again crying shouting and screaming but after a while she went back to sleep by herself cause anyone was in her bedroom so she knew she couldn't have anything from anyone. I just went once to reassure her and then I came out quickly not staying too long. Then nothing at all.she slept through and woke up this morning at 9. I will update you in a week to see how it goes..Thanks again!!! :-)
I do the same with my daughter keeping off the tv an hour before and avoiding giving food close to the bedtime. i have lots of books about the sleeping but at the end i follow my instinct. I've started to cosleep with my lil one when she was only 8 weeks and she was taking my breast while sleeping aswell. She's been cosleeping with me till 18 19 months then because of my pregnancy and the disconfort that sleeping together was giving to both of us(i've noticed that she was not sleeping well cause of my movements through the night and I was having pregnancy sickness night and day) I've decided to stop. It has been hard just for a couple of days but then she quickly understood that nothing bad was going to happen without me..Yesterday I finally convinced my husband to sleep in the living room and so she went to bed crying a little but not so bad...in the middle of the night she woke up again crying shouting and screaming but after a while she went back to sleep by herself cause anyone was in her bedroom so she knew she couldn't have anything from anyone. I just went once to reassure her and then I came out quickly not staying too long. Then nothing at all.she slept through and woke up this morning at 9. I will update you in a week to see how it goes..Thanks again!!! :-)
It's pretty common for children to go through periods of sleep issues. I think just about every mom on this forum will tell you they have been through them in some way, shape or form. It truly is all in how you handle it.
Yes, it will be a bit tougher to get her back into her own bed and room. And the longer you sleep with her, the harder it's going to get. When she was smaller, crying tired her out faster. Now it's going to take longer. And she has learned that a temper tantrum will get her what she wants (sleeping with mommy). My son learned this from me very early. I did try to let him cry it out, it just wasn't the right thing for me (for others it's fine, and don't feel judged or badly if you decide to try it). My son continues to co sleep at 2 1/2 and I am just fine with it, even enjoy the snuggle time. So for me, this has been a good decision. It may not be the case for you. Get the book "Healthy Sleep Habits, Healthy Baby". The author proposes several different ways of approaching this and you need to find the path that is right for you.
Nothing will get better though if you cannot get your husband to work with you on this. The more overtired a child gets, the tougher it is to get them to sleep. It sounds like she is overtired now much of the time (just about all kids are cranky when overtired). Getting angry and yelling at her is going to make everything that much harder and scare her as well. He needs to understand she is not doing this on purpose.
Bedtime stories are a great way to relax small children before bed. So is a warm bath. It's also a good idea to remove all stimulants before bed such as TV, etc. We keep the TV off and the activities quiet ones for at least an hour before bed. It does help. I also avoid having him eating about an hour before bed as then the body is working to digest food. But honestly, she knows now that if she screams she gets to sleep with mommy. I did that as well and now it's much harder to get him into his own bed. He does the same...goes to bed in his own bed in his own room, but part way through the night wakes up screaming for me and I bring him in. Again, for us this works, but it isn't for everyone. You need to decide what works for all of you.
Yes, it will be a bit tougher to get her back into her own bed and room. And the longer you sleep with her, the harder it's going to get. When she was smaller, crying tired her out faster. Now it's going to take longer. And she has learned that a temper tantrum will get her what she wants (sleeping with mommy). My son learned this from me very early. I did try to let him cry it out, it just wasn't the right thing for me (for others it's fine, and don't feel judged or badly if you decide to try it). My son continues to co sleep at 2 1/2 and I am just fine with it, even enjoy the snuggle time. So for me, this has been a good decision. It may not be the case for you. Get the book "Healthy Sleep Habits, Healthy Baby". The author proposes several different ways of approaching this and you need to find the path that is right for you.
Nothing will get better though if you cannot get your husband to work with you on this. The more overtired a child gets, the tougher it is to get them to sleep. It sounds like she is overtired now much of the time (just about all kids are cranky when overtired). Getting angry and yelling at her is going to make everything that much harder and scare her as well. He needs to understand she is not doing this on purpose.
Bedtime stories are a great way to relax small children before bed. So is a warm bath. It's also a good idea to remove all stimulants before bed such as TV, etc. We keep the TV off and the activities quiet ones for at least an hour before bed. It does help. I also avoid having him eating about an hour before bed as then the body is working to digest food. But honestly, she knows now that if she screams she gets to sleep with mommy. I did that as well and now it's much harder to get him into his own bed. He does the same...goes to bed in his own bed in his own room, but part way through the night wakes up screaming for me and I bring him in. Again, for us this works, but it isn't for everyone. You need to decide what works for all of you.
In my opinion the yelling/anger is what is causing all you have said ... until your husband does modify his behavior it will continue ,the child is not the problem here
I was using white noises when she was 3 moths old till 6 months then it was not working anymore. She also has a nap in the afternoon everytime of 2 hours and she's always been sleeping very well in the night and in the day since this situation have started.Now also the nap is not so smooth like before and istead of waking up happy she wakes up earlier and cranky. so she sleeps less during the day and sleeps less during the night.About my husband I have to say that for me he's behaviour is absolutly unhelpful and enreasonable. Unfortunatly I feel like a single mum. the only difference is that if I was leaving by myself things could go much better.
Hi Adgal,
I agree with everything you've said..I also think that she needs her own enviroment without us . But the problem seems my husband that doesn't want to help anyway and he's pretty selfish and doesn't really understand what are childs needs. I put lots of effort to make her sleep by herself and now it seems I will have to do everything from the beginning once she will have her bedroom again and is going to be worse cause she has grown up..I'm having a routine with her and I try to be consinstent. dinner time always the same hour and always reading stories and singing a lullaby before going to bed then I always leave a confort toy and l say good night always saying her that mommy is just outside the door and is not far away.This has always been working till all this mess. Last night has been worse. After the bedtime hour when I had to put her into bed she had a temper tantrum again..she was staying in the cot screaming and shouting that she wanted to go to sleep in the bed with me but again I couldn't leave her because it was not a simple crying. It lasted half an hour then I made her sleep holding her hand and singing. after 2 hours she was awake again screaming, and holding her hand and singing wasn't enough so she had to come in bed with me where then she fell asleep and never woke up again till this morning at 8.30. My husband is saying that I don't have to tell stories before going to bed cause I make her excited....it seems to me that is opposite cause she relaxes.after that she always goes to her cot without problems but not yesterday...I think and I hope that our bedroom will be finished by next week. Do you think I will have lots of problems to make her sleep by herself again and if she starts having a temper tantrum like last night before falling asleep do I have to leave her and then come back after few minutes?...I've always noticed that when she was learning to sleep by herself coming back to reassure her was making the cry worse. so I was leaving her crying by herself till falling asleep...but now is not a crying but a temper tantrum.should I behave the same way as it was before? I feel that if i leave she feels abandoned..
I agree with everything you've said..I also think that she needs her own enviroment without us . But the problem seems my husband that doesn't want to help anyway and he's pretty selfish and doesn't really understand what are childs needs. I put lots of effort to make her sleep by herself and now it seems I will have to do everything from the beginning once she will have her bedroom again and is going to be worse cause she has grown up..I'm having a routine with her and I try to be consinstent. dinner time always the same hour and always reading stories and singing a lullaby before going to bed then I always leave a confort toy and l say good night always saying her that mommy is just outside the door and is not far away.This has always been working till all this mess. Last night has been worse. After the bedtime hour when I had to put her into bed she had a temper tantrum again..she was staying in the cot screaming and shouting that she wanted to go to sleep in the bed with me but again I couldn't leave her because it was not a simple crying. It lasted half an hour then I made her sleep holding her hand and singing. after 2 hours she was awake again screaming, and holding her hand and singing wasn't enough so she had to come in bed with me where then she fell asleep and never woke up again till this morning at 8.30. My husband is saying that I don't have to tell stories before going to bed cause I make her excited....it seems to me that is opposite cause she relaxes.after that she always goes to her cot without problems but not yesterday...I think and I hope that our bedroom will be finished by next week. Do you think I will have lots of problems to make her sleep by herself again and if she starts having a temper tantrum like last night before falling asleep do I have to leave her and then come back after few minutes?...I've always noticed that when she was learning to sleep by herself coming back to reassure her was making the cry worse. so I was leaving her crying by herself till falling asleep...but now is not a crying but a temper tantrum.should I behave the same way as it was before? I feel that if i leave she feels abandoned..
i agree with the other responses you have received. The problem is the situation and your husband. However, if he refuses to modify his behavior (which to me is a warning sign), you can consider investing in a noise machine. Perhaps that will help keep her asleep and avoid the issue altogether. My children need one to sleep, and I also benefit from white noise.
Your child is apparently a very heavy sleeper. When you forcibly wake such a person the reaction can be extreme. I know of one case where the person would vomit. Your daughter does not have a problem. The problem is her environment. You are going to have to find some way to restore the calm sleep she is used to. If your unhelpful husband won't sleep in the living room, then you and your daughter should go to sleep there.
She might even be in the mode that people are sometimes in when sleepwalking, i.e., that she looks lucid and awake but is really not. Your husband is not helping things when he yells. If you awaken a sleepwalker, he or she will get really disoriented and very angry. You might read up on sleepwalking just to see if any of her pattern of night waking sounds familiar.
Ditto all else adgal says.
Ditto all else adgal says.
Well, I don't mean to sound mean, but the first thing that needs to happen is for your husband to stop yelling at her and being angry with her. She isn't doing this to be bad, and honestly, lots of families go through this. All he is doing is scaring her and making things worse. I understand he is frustrated, but this isn't the way to handle it.
When a child is awoken like that and is still tired, they are naturally going to be cranky. Same as you or I would be if we were suddenly woken without enough sleep. She does not yet have control over her emotions, nor does she have other ways to express them, so that is where the temper tantrums come in. Add someone yelling at her, and you have a very upset, overtired and cranky child. That is why she is not wanting to be touched or held, she is just mad. After she calms down she is of course wide awake.
It sounds to me like the very best thing that could happen is for your husband to sleep elsewhere. Best thing would be for your daughter to go back to having her own room where she can sleep undisturbed. Routine is pretty important at this age (it doesn't mean you need to be militant about timing, just consistent). It would be great if you could get the routine back, and allow her the right amount of sleep without being woken up.
As for the new baby, yes, you can expect some jealousy. Make sure you keep making time for her just the two of you. Newborns sleep a lot, so spend that time doing special things just with her. Make her feel included and loved. She should be ok, but expect it to take some time.
All the best to you.
When a child is awoken like that and is still tired, they are naturally going to be cranky. Same as you or I would be if we were suddenly woken without enough sleep. She does not yet have control over her emotions, nor does she have other ways to express them, so that is where the temper tantrums come in. Add someone yelling at her, and you have a very upset, overtired and cranky child. That is why she is not wanting to be touched or held, she is just mad. After she calms down she is of course wide awake.
It sounds to me like the very best thing that could happen is for your husband to sleep elsewhere. Best thing would be for your daughter to go back to having her own room where she can sleep undisturbed. Routine is pretty important at this age (it doesn't mean you need to be militant about timing, just consistent). It would be great if you could get the routine back, and allow her the right amount of sleep without being woken up.
As for the new baby, yes, you can expect some jealousy. Make sure you keep making time for her just the two of you. Newborns sleep a lot, so spend that time doing special things just with her. Make her feel included and loved. She should be ok, but expect it to take some time.
All the best to you.
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