toilet training

[matt611]

my son is 5 years old this april and I am beside myself with this problem.  He refuses to poo - in fact has only ever done a proper poo twice in his life.  The weeing has been sussed since age 2 and a half but pooing no.  He started school last september and whilst the school are happy to change his pant once or twice during the school day the other kids are obviously starting tonotice that my son smells at times.  I have tried everyything.  I am patiant, although I have lost my temper a couple of times, I have tried star charts, bribery, have taken him to see a peadeotrician and the gp but all to no avail.  He does of course get constipated because he constantly holds his poo but soils his underwear continuously.  He doesnt seem to care and would play in dirty pants all day if a allowed him to,  He is tough and just sayes he doesnt care but being his mum i am protective and even held him away from school for the first 2 terms because of this.  I have tried ignoring it and just cleaning his bum with no fuss and stopped sitting him on the toilet at set times and he still just carries on as normal.  The gp gives me movical to give him and im reluctant to give it during the week in case he ''explodes'' at school.  So if i give it i do at weekends and that clears him out.  I dont know which way to turn now and feel like giving up.

any help would be welcome.  I do wonder if i need to find a child psychologist for him.

[rileysmomOH]

Please do not ignore it!!!   What you will get is a son that will become full of poop and be miserable.
I went through everything you have decscribed.   I listened to my Ped and did charts and ignored etc.   It just got worse!!!!   I explained to my daughter that she is in charge of her own body and guess what.....she kept withholding.   I made her clean out her underwear, up to tens pairs a day (per the suggestion of the phycoligist that we went to that DID NOT HELP) and guess what....she didn't care.  It took a year of this.   Going no where, being embarassed, having people look at me like my kid was horrible.  My daughter is also very tall for her age, pull ups did not fit!

Here is what we did.   I finally did some research and found a website about Encopresis and it sounded like my daughter to a T.    I then changed Doc's.   I got a referral from someone I knew and called.   I MADE SURE on the phone that the nurse new what I was talking about before I made an appt.   They assurred me that the Doc new what Enco was.   When I explained to the nurse that my daughter has not pooped a "real poop" in months she got me in right away.  The doc new what was going on with my daughter.   We had an exray done and my daughter was full......I mean full......of poop.  The Doc had us do an oral clean out.   Milk of Mag twice a day for three days plus Miralax.   On the third day my daughter exploded.   It all came out.   We then needed to have her do sits after each meal to keep her on track.   She did not go and we did not push her to go but she had to do sits to "retrain" her colon on how to work.   I even had her blow up a balloon using her belly muscles.   We had to retrain her on how to push.   She was so good at withholding, she forgot how to push. Two years later, she is still on Miralax daily and is doing well.   When she poops she saves it for me so I KNOW that she is pooping. Yes ladies, I have become the poop monitor!!!   We do have setbacks sometimes.....vacations, the start of the school year etc.   However I now know (as does she) how to see the problem coming and handle it right there and then.   My daughter also very much understands that she has a problem and is very open to talking to me about it.   Also understand that once Ecno occurs, this is a medical problem NOT a psycological problem!!!!

Find a doc that is well versed in this problem.  Get him cleaned out and get him doing sits three times a day.   Again, no pressure to produce, just to get him ok with being on the potty.  Set  a timer and give it to him.   DO NOT beat yourself up about getting upset.   Trust me girl, I lost it many times and so do most people that are dealing with this.   We are not proud of the way we act, it just happens.   Once you understand that he has lost control of his bowels and has no idea that he is "leaking" you will handle it better.   Once we realized that it was medical and not her being defiant, we were able to handle it much better.

Good luck and please keep in touch.

[margypops]

What you have here is a child who is afraid to go, it sounds as if ,in your concern for him you have unwittingly set up anxiety in him regarding his bathroom habits. Time to back off and make less of it ,he has picked up on your concern and it is feeding the issue. By all means speak to your Doctor to get some counselling for you and him, mean time try to let go, let him be in control of his own body, wiping him is not a good idea as it is taking his control away,Make sure he has a good diet with plenty of fibre and veg and fruits, Orange juice etc I would leave off the heavy laxative at weekends aswell.No more talk about it, let him sort it out, if he is constipated he will soil his underwear a bit ,he cant hold it in forever say nothing just wash them, . As I say it sounds as if you, being a caring Mom have escallated the problem.,