4 Year Old Son - Severe Anxiety or something more?

[bird33]

Our 4 year old is suffering from what appears to be severe anxiety but we are concerned it may be more. He has always been on edge - even as a baby he would startle easily. My wife and I both have anxiety issues. When he was two he did not like going to organized playgroups and would cling to my wife. We started him in a two day/week preschool at two. The first day they had to pry him out of the car and he was crying really bad. It took him about three months to adjust after that he did pretty well. Although the teacher said that he was still on edge. Moving to different classes for music and language seemed to upset him as well. The next year we sent him back to the same school for three days a week. He had problems adjusting again and cried when dropping him off. He started wearing a baseball hat pulled down into the classroom because everyone looked at him (because he was crying). As the year went on the hat eventually came off and he was doing great at school. He was participating in all activites, making new friends and even learning how to count to 20 in French. This past summer he even did well participating on a baseball team. Since this past August things have deteriorated. His mother saw a special on Dr. Phil that encouraged parents to role play with their kids about strangers and being taken. She tried it out with both of our sons. Our 4 year old freaked out. He became even more attached to his mom. About two weeks ago my wife had both of our sons at a large sporting event. My younger son was being watched by a relative and wandered off. My wife freaked and became very emotional. My 4 year old son witnessed this entire episode and was traumatized. On the way home from this event he fell asleep in his car seat. He woke up having a bad nightmare about losing his little brother. A few days later, he had what we thought a first was a night terror. He was jumping up and down on the bed crying with his eyes bugging out. He had four more of these episodes that night, each one of lesser intensity. He said during the dream that everthing looked big. The next day he had what I would describe as a panic attack. He gets a glaized look over his face, crys, says everything looks big and gets sweaty hands. This has happened on about 10 different occasions. We pulled him out of school becasue we wanted to lower his anxiety levels. We've taken him to the doctor for an exam and everything looks normal. We have interviewed a therapist and child psychiatrist as well to help out. He is to the point now that he wants to avoid the car or any indoor place such as a store or even his grandparents house. These are places that he loved to visit just a few short months ago. He always says he does not want to have what he calls big eyes, or the bad dream anymore. When we try to find out more about what "big eyes" is he refuses to elaborate. My wife and I are worried sick. We do not know if we are dealing with anxiety, PTSD, or some other mental or physical illness

[bird33]

Pum,

The first night he had what he calls "big eyes" he had a fever and was pretty sick. Thanks for your comments. He is doing much better these days!

[Pum]

I remember as a child having that experience of everything being big and so does my husband.  I think it was related to having a fever.  It could have started like that but your son is scared of getting it again and has worked it up into a bigger issue.

good luck.

[bird33]

Thanks for your quick response. Everyone that we have talked to thusfar has told us the same thing - anxiety. We are reading up on the topic to better understand our son so we can help him through the tough times. We are thinking of switching him to a Montessori pre-school because it seems like a better learning environment for his personality. Does anyone else have a high anxiety child that has done well in a Montessori setting?

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

Your son is displaying symptoms of Separation Anxiety Disorder. He shows this condition as his baseline, and it is then exacerbated by events in his life such as those you described. It's important to maintain a balancing act - that is, you want to be sensitive to him and supportive, but at the same time try not to restrict his life in any way that would be abnormal for a child his age. Keep him in his pre-school program, and continue to expose him to social situations. He'll show some reticence, but that's OK. With your patience and suport, he'll adapt just as he did to his school program.