Avatar universal

why won't my one year old listen to me

My one year old daughter  she is my first born and I tell her no I tell her to stop I try spanking her she doesn't want to listen to me she just ignores me I mean she makes me feel like she is my husband who wants a divorce or something she listens to everyone else expept me I don't understand why she won't listen somebody help me because I don't understand I feel like taking off running half the time
8 Responses
134578 tn?1614729226
Spanking a one-year-old or actually any child is not a good thing to do.  All it does is take out your frustration, it does not inform or educate the child.  In fact, it teaches your child that hitting is OK.  Bad idea, bad move.  

One-year-olds do what they do because they are very small children with very primitive emotions.  She much of the time is not able to understand what you are telling her to do, and other parts of the time she is not interested in processing it or not able to.  I watched my son one time paint his hair with a paintbrush, all the while looking at me.  He didn't get that he was making a mess that would take some work to remove, he was just randomly painting his hair.  No amount of "no-no-no" from me would have stopped him.  All you can do at this age is stop them directly (if what they are doing is harmful) and redirect their attention to something else.

Are you yourself pretty young?  You sound super, super frustrated and like you don't know other methods.
You're not giving one year old nearly enough credit. Just by my tone, my 13 month nephew will look at me and stop doing whatever he was doing (usually going for antiques on a hall table).

I redirect his attention regularly but he also knows that no means no and is to be followed immediately. One of these days, knowing that could save his life.
Avatar universal
One-year-olds aren't fully equipped yet to understand directions or the meaning of 'obey'. They aren't being disobedient on purpose. They're still babies!

Spanking will only make them more stubborn and/or confused. They need a lot of patience from their parents since they're just busy exploring the world around them, oblivious to our rules.

I can understand getting frustrated being a mom to a baby that young, but please do understand that you're not dealing with a child capable of following precise directions or go by any sort of rules.
973741 tn?1342342773
Hi!  The toddler years and your one year old is beginning to enter that although I still think of a one year old as a baby, really--  are difficult.  First, they are working on communication.  Both understanding and communicating back.  Second, they are supposed to test the limits. That's what these years are for. We lovingly guide them back.  So young at one, you can not reason.  Try redirection.  This means that as you keep your eye on them and you see them about to do something they shouldn't, direct them to something that is acceptable.  Distract and redirect.  Also praise loudly for good behavior and use a different voice (not yelling) for bad.  Time outs when they are a little older than one work well.  Try to stay patient because they are watching your reactions and learning.  If you blow up easily, so will they.  Hang in there. Every parent goes through this.  I had two kids really close in age. I was ON in terms of having to play, watch, guide just about every waking second of the day for 4 years.  LOL  But it's worth it.  good luck
189897 tn?1441126518
Good points by all.  I now have 1 and 2 year old grandchildren.   What we have learned is to baby proof everything!  Especially the drawers and  cabinets.  It stops a lot of the NO's.   Second thing (if you can) is to take them outside somewhere as much as possible.  It tires them out and gives you something different to do.  Play dates with friends with other little kids are great.  The kids won't really play together, but its new stuff to play with and you get some needed time with another adult.

Communication is a big deal.  Neither of you can communicate very well because you really can't understand them and they might understand you, but its pretty one sided.   Look into the Utube BabySigning videos.  The kids love them and it teaches another means of communication.

It is amazing how just taping together a bunch of small boxes will do to give them big building blocks and thus new things to play with.  Hit the goodwill or things like that and look for blocks, dolls, toys, etc for a cheap change of pace.

And ya, you have to watch them a lot.  But they also are doing something new almost every day!  So as Specialmom said, its worth it!
Avatar universal
You smack your 1 year old baby?!?!
3060903 tn?1398565123
Spanking a one year old child is all wrong - I appreciate your reaching out here because i think it will really help you out to make some friends here and keep in touch so that you have some coping tools that will not be harmful to yourself or child. I can say with a grown son, that every mistake i made as a mother while he was growing up i have to live with for the rest of my life. My son remembers when he was a toddler my spanking his bottom and then crying and kissing his bum and saying over and over how sorry i was . Kid's don't miss a thing.  Every bit of advice you've received here i wish to God i had when i was a young mother. I'm so glad you found the forum and hope you stick around and make some friends.  Every moment of our children's childhood is fleeting, they grow up SO fast. and soon you'll be looking back on it all...
Avatar universal
A one-year-old does not have the capacity to 1) fully understand that no means no and 2) the impulse control to stop him/herself.  They are babies.  Over the next year, you can begin to teach your child by saying "No."  in a firm but calm voice, and then moving the item or moving the child away from the item and distracting them with something else.  More importantly, it would be good for you to work on calming your own angry reactions and frustration.  Your one-year old, unlike your husband, is a baby, and should not be hit.
Avatar universal
Try explaining to her why she can't do something, even a 1 yr old can communicate. Do if before the frustration kicks in. Be firm and consistent.
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