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husband's blues after wife's breast reduction
I'm trying to be as supportive as I can with this, she's had the surgery, I told her before that she's doing this only for herself, not because I had any complaints about her breasts. I like the new ones ok, but liked the old ones better. I was suprised at the feelings I have of betrayal, neglect, almost grieving the loss of my favorite part of her body, feelings of depression. The comments I read from women completely discount the feelings of the men. I'm now having problems "finishing" the act of sex. After she is satisfied I just loose interest, I want to finish in my mind but the feeling just isn't there. I look over at her in normal situations and the fact that she is so much smaller bothers me. It's been 5 weeks now, we'll keep trying, hoping these feelings go away. When I ask if there is a support group for husbands of wives with breast reduction, I get told oh it's all about you then? No It's not all about me, but I do have feelings, and they are hurt, and there isn't anybody willing to talk to about them.
Wow, I can't believe no body talks about this. There is no way a husband or wife can alter their body and then say it is only their business. Imagine a wife who is only attracted to tall men. One day her husband comes home and say,"Being 6'5" makes me feel socially awkward and people always stare at me. Clothes never fit right and they are hard to find. I'm reducing my height to 5'6" so I can live a better life." Post-op the wife would not feel as attracted to the husband and many "height fixated" women would file for a divorce. Somehow, men who are attracted to large breasts are villianize, but it is a common and natural thing among men. Unless a wife is in pain and everything else has been attempted to help, I think wives are wrong to get reductions. Why would a wife want to make herself less atrractive to her husband? Totally selfish.
5 Comments
Good point, thank you for sharing. I know if I came home with an extra 100 lbs. suddenly my wife would be packing her bags. My wife's reduction had nothing to do with pain. She wanted to fit into more clothes and refused to do the real work to lose and keep weight off. Breast reduction surgery was her "quick fix" and now she's putting weight on again. She's never been further from attractive since I've known her. Thank you again for your words.
Divorced my small cup wife after she cut her **** off and found a large breasted woman.
Imagine cutting 4” of manhood off and saying I kept getting it caught in my zip at the urinal. I can tell you this the first words out of a woman’s mouth while she’s packing her bags. “That’s different!!!!!”
Imagine cutting 4” of manhood off and saying I kept getting it caught in my zip at the urinal. I can tell you this the first words out of a woman’s mouth while she’s packing her bags. “That’s different!!!!!”
Uhmmm because she's more than T&A?? In bed everyone is the same height but not everyone is the same size! But, we T&A gender don't give a rat's @!#: about size if we love you and neither should you care about what inches; (and it is mere inches in both scenarios ???) matters...damn get a clue... Sexuality is so not in the inches lol! It's in the IQ...I think you're lacking some inches there. That bothers me more than your height!
I think you'd be doing your wife an extraordinarily big favour if you left her. I don't know her, but my heart aches for her at having a man like you in her life. She deserves so much better, and I hope she finds it.
It's incredibly sad to me that so many of you have let your marriages fall apart because of what you deem as a physical imperfection. My boyfriend and I had only been together for 4 months when I underwent my surgery. I was then forced to spend the following 3 months recovering states away from him, but throughout this time he was incredibly loyal and, above all, excited for me. We've been together for over two years now and I have never felt more confident and comfortable in my body, resulting in an even healthier sex life. Next to trust, the most important part of a relationship is putting the other's health and happiness before your own. It's pretty pathetic that a 19 and 20 year old were able to endure something so inconsequential (in the grand scheme of things) better than some of you who have been married for over a decade. I feel sorry for your poor, undervalued wives. I hope they some day find men who will be attracted to their other physical and intellectual aspects which you have failed to appreciate.
Women have no clue. You completely discount what this man is saying. He is telling you how he feels. My wife had a breast reduction 10 years ago and I am still depressed about it. Poor me I know, but that is how I feel. If there is any constructive suggestions for men who are depressed about their wives breast reduction please comment
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Oh I am the same. Thank you for speaking out. I'm ruined over this. Sex life has gone to about 20% of what it was and I have to take pills to be intimate with her. "Suddenly" i have erectile disfunction. I feel horrible.
It's so aweful as a woman to feel that you are worth nothing more than a pair of breasts... My breasts are the same size as when I met my husbad( got larger with pregnancy)After 12-13 years of dealing with emotional issues over this and some other things that have come up in our marriage because of my surgery we are now in the middle of divorce... I can't live with shallow Hal any longer.. I'm a cute, educated, good mom of 3 with great sense of humor and a passion for my job .. Time does not heal this.. Counseling may help sort out deep feeling why this is so over the top
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I'm saddened to read this. You certainly are more than a pair of breasts but body image and sexual attraction are very deep, complex issues. Calling him shallow is showing the same level of disappointment is the same level of disappointment that he experienced. I know as a man I feel completely marginalized and crazy for not being 100% supportive. I now have to take drugs just to be intimate with her and I'm completely ruined about it. The worst part about was that when she would lose weight her breast size would go down. She just doesn't want to do the work and puts the weight back on. Her body went from a very beautifully curved form to a version that resembles a pile of mashed potatoes. I'm so upset all the time.
Shallow Hal was a great movie but remember Hal had growth, he saw them a particular way through his father's twisted last words, then Tony Robbins taught him only to see inner beauty. He then had it removed and had to conflict with himself. He realized that he loved the person of the heavy girl. You didn't go into detail as to whether he always knew your intentions to have the reduction, if he had its on him. If not some cope, deal and grow beyond that. Other's feel betrayal that they married one person and got the other through no choice of their own. In your regards why would you want to be with a person who doesn't want you? Like Vince Vaughn in Wedding Crashers, don't you want to rub up against some hot Latin guy not thinking of him? Of course you do now you get to date and marry a man post reduction who gets the whole scoop no hidden items. Come 2-6 dates in you have sex in the light and say here I am warts and all chances are your some guys dream girl.
Rose if there is pain or any other medical condition and a husband doesn't understand the reason for getting it done when it is to take away pain or give you a healthier life. Is a man who fell in love with your boobs and not you. I realize this is not your story. My wife did speak of discomfort or pain every once in awhile, but I rarely ever seen or new that she would take a over the counter pain med and never anything stronger. So how bad was the pain?? I'm guessing and in no way standing in judgment, if anything I
hope when you were in pain there was something you had that would help you. There are no awards for living in pain. My wife about 6 years ago had a skin cancer not diagnosed correctly on her chin for 3 years until she changed doctors. By the grace of God it did not go into her bone. They only had to remove her chin under her bottom lip from right to left, but the chin bone stayed. I walked into the room where she was sitting up and ask me how she looked as there are no mirrors in the room. With my eyes filled with tears that were now rolling down my face, she asked "how do I look"? My mouth open and the words BEAUTIFUL came out he did such a great job. My brain was in high crazy gear crying harder than it ever has asking God "WHERE IS MY WIFES CHIN" AS THERE WAS NOTHING BUT A GAPPING HOLE WHERE HERE CHIN ONCE WAS. My wife had a large scar that was in a football shape. When she asked this time " How do I look during this time " I replied the truth "AS BEAUTIFUL AS EVER" So when its about health there is doubt thing need to be done. But when its really not(not that the marks aren't there and the straps are leaving marks) but GEEZ THESE HUSBANDS(REAL MEN) MARRY, TRY TO RAISE A FAMILY CORRECT, AND IN SOME CASES (MINE FOR SURE) I THE HUSBAND WORK SO HARD TO EARN ENOUGH SO MY WIFE CAN LIVE THE LIFE SHE CHOOSES. I DIDN"T ASK FOR THIS PAIN (HEART BREAK) or want it. BUT IT IS REAL AND THE FEELING FOR MY BEST FRIEND SINCE I"M 20 YEARS OLD NOW 49 ARE GONE, and I want them back. I will never not love her she is the mother of my children. I want to love her again as the only love in my life.
hope when you were in pain there was something you had that would help you. There are no awards for living in pain. My wife about 6 years ago had a skin cancer not diagnosed correctly on her chin for 3 years until she changed doctors. By the grace of God it did not go into her bone. They only had to remove her chin under her bottom lip from right to left, but the chin bone stayed. I walked into the room where she was sitting up and ask me how she looked as there are no mirrors in the room. With my eyes filled with tears that were now rolling down my face, she asked "how do I look"? My mouth open and the words BEAUTIFUL came out he did such a great job. My brain was in high crazy gear crying harder than it ever has asking God "WHERE IS MY WIFES CHIN" AS THERE WAS NOTHING BUT A GAPPING HOLE WHERE HERE CHIN ONCE WAS. My wife had a large scar that was in a football shape. When she asked this time " How do I look during this time " I replied the truth "AS BEAUTIFUL AS EVER" So when its about health there is doubt thing need to be done. But when its really not(not that the marks aren't there and the straps are leaving marks) but GEEZ THESE HUSBANDS(REAL MEN) MARRY, TRY TO RAISE A FAMILY CORRECT, AND IN SOME CASES (MINE FOR SURE) I THE HUSBAND WORK SO HARD TO EARN ENOUGH SO MY WIFE CAN LIVE THE LIFE SHE CHOOSES. I DIDN"T ASK FOR THIS PAIN (HEART BREAK) or want it. BUT IT IS REAL AND THE FEELING FOR MY BEST FRIEND SINCE I"M 20 YEARS OLD NOW 49 ARE GONE, and I want them back. I will never not love her she is the mother of my children. I want to love her again as the only love in my life.
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Oh my God lady...I'm in love with your husband!!!-
Being in love doesn't get my **** hard. Your sentiments are very sweet, but sex is an important part of a healthy marriage. And male sexuality is very much tied to physical attraction. The men that are fine with breast reductions probably aren't particularly attracted to breasts to begin with. The husbands who are attracted to breasts will be forced to use pills or fantasize about other women to be intimate with their wives after a potentially disfiguring surgery like breast reduction. The sad thing about it is that men can't control this aspect of their sexuality. An erection is entirely involuntary. Your only hope is that he can change his sexual needs/desires with years of therapy.
The love of my life did this.... I think it ruined our entire future together and it breaks my heart into a million pieces because I loved her for so many other reasons, but without sexual attraction Our relationship doesn’t work.
She could’ve gained 500 pounds, cut off her arm, and got a tattoo on her face... all of those things would have been easier for me to deal with than this.
Women on here are scolding men for being shallow just because they have a differset of priorities of what they want in a mate, and women aren’t as visual. You all don’t understand.
I strongly discourage women from doing this.... they don’t realize what they are doing.
men would rather have imperfect large breast than reshaped small ones.
Deviststed in Denver
She could’ve gained 500 pounds, cut off her arm, and got a tattoo on her face... all of those things would have been easier for me to deal with than this.
Women on here are scolding men for being shallow just because they have a differset of priorities of what they want in a mate, and women aren’t as visual. You all don’t understand.
I strongly discourage women from doing this.... they don’t realize what they are doing.
men would rather have imperfect large breast than reshaped small ones.
Deviststed in Denver
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Good to know, Devastated (I assume that’s the spelling you were aiming for) of Denver. So in other words, any poor misguided women, who ‘don’t know what they’re doing’ (ahem, with their own bodies) and ‘aren’t as visual’ (seriously?? As someone who has their lived well for many years from their visual acuity I would have to argue that point, but another time). So, if I understand you correctly, you think women should just suffer the lifelong pain caused by over-large breasts without any concern for their own physical and mental well-being, to please their man – and I note you kindly speak for all men here – who would rather have large and imperfect than small and reshaped... Really? In the 21st-century? This is your honest and carefully considered opinion? Id suggest you get some education and some counselling, to help you get past your sadly inappropriate stand.
I don’t think I am morally correct. I know it’s wrong, and I hate it. This has caused me nothing but tremendous pain. So you telling me to educate myself is well-meaning, but you can’t re-wire the way my brain works. If I could just push a button and not feel this way I would. I would give every cent I had for that button to exist. But it doesn’t
I am not going to repeat a lot of what has been said already. To the women who say that men need to get over it, you are just as superficial as you accuse the men of being. This issue is complex and complicated and includes issues of how a man's brain is wired and also non physical things like making decisions together in a relationship.
For me, the one thing I will add is this:
I am one of the husbands who has been devistated by my wife’s selfish decision to get the reduction.
After much arguing with her over this (most arguments sounding a lot like this forum) I’ve boiled it down to this.
- 10% of my feelings are purely selfish. I want what I want and don't want to have to like what happened.
- 40% of my feelings are hard wired. Even when I try my best to be supportive, I can’t. You can't turn attraction on and off and as someone who has always loved large breasts this kills the intimacy at a level I can not control.
- 50% is something which hasn’t been directly addressed which I will discuss.
In short, when my wife and I started dating we both shared with each other how important we felt sex to be in our lives. I was led to believe that my wife would prioritize our sex life.
Over the years there have been numerous instances where my wife approached one of the aspects of our sex life in a way that suggested that although sex was important, it wasn’t THAT important. Despite it being important to me, it wasn’t important to her.
In most instances I learned to love and tolerate even where those issues arose which resulted in aspects of our sex life that I didn’t like.
The reduction was just simply one more example of this message. And so I cannot help thinking that if the sex life was thriving and my wife did this, I might be more willing or able to look past things. But since this is yet another instance of her telling me that what matters to me isn’t important, it goes beyond the physical realm.
For me, the one thing I will add is this:
I am one of the husbands who has been devistated by my wife’s selfish decision to get the reduction.
After much arguing with her over this (most arguments sounding a lot like this forum) I’ve boiled it down to this.
- 10% of my feelings are purely selfish. I want what I want and don't want to have to like what happened.
- 40% of my feelings are hard wired. Even when I try my best to be supportive, I can’t. You can't turn attraction on and off and as someone who has always loved large breasts this kills the intimacy at a level I can not control.
- 50% is something which hasn’t been directly addressed which I will discuss.
In short, when my wife and I started dating we both shared with each other how important we felt sex to be in our lives. I was led to believe that my wife would prioritize our sex life.
Over the years there have been numerous instances where my wife approached one of the aspects of our sex life in a way that suggested that although sex was important, it wasn’t THAT important. Despite it being important to me, it wasn’t important to her.
In most instances I learned to love and tolerate even where those issues arose which resulted in aspects of our sex life that I didn’t like.
The reduction was just simply one more example of this message. And so I cannot help thinking that if the sex life was thriving and my wife did this, I might be more willing or able to look past things. But since this is yet another instance of her telling me that what matters to me isn’t important, it goes beyond the physical realm.
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“I am one of the husbands who has been devistated by my wife’s selfish decision to get the reduction.“ SELFISH?? Wait, you cannot be serious. Oh but you are. Honestly I barely have the words. So you think it’s your wife who’s selfish?? You think your wife should have carried on coping with the extreme pain of huge heavy breasts just because you claim to be “hardwired”? Please forgive me for being what you describe as ‘superficial’, but maybe your wife doesn’t prioritise your sex life to the extent that you’d like because she’s realised over the years she’s ended up married to a man so short-sighted that he can’t see beyond the size of her breasts. (And you call HER selfish???).
However, I do hear you. You’re in terrible pain. You’re mourning a loss. So go get some psychotherapy to help you get past it. Maybe you’ll eventually be able to grow up enough to be a decent husband to the woman you claim to love. (Oh no, wrong again; at no point do you say you love her, you only got to ‘love and tolerate’ aspects of your sex life you don’t like). Seriously, psychotherapy or counselling; I can’t deny that you feel what you feel, but you really need to get a deeper understanding of who is being the selfish one here.
However, I do hear you. You’re in terrible pain. You’re mourning a loss. So go get some psychotherapy to help you get past it. Maybe you’ll eventually be able to grow up enough to be a decent husband to the woman you claim to love. (Oh no, wrong again; at no point do you say you love her, you only got to ‘love and tolerate’ aspects of your sex life you don’t like). Seriously, psychotherapy or counselling; I can’t deny that you feel what you feel, but you really need to get a deeper understanding of who is being the selfish one here.
How did this for a lot of men speaking here? My wife recently had breast reduction surgery about 4 weeks ago. It’s been something she has wanted and needed for a long time. She was roughly a 36 D when I met her 18 years ago. We have been married 14 years. She has grown to a H cup over the years after our 3 children. I agreed with her for the most part that something needed to be done. They hung and the back pain were a real thing. Plus the cost of bras was ridiculous. Being said she got the insurance to cover the surgery after 2 years of complaints. That brings us to now. She had the surgery. I asked alot of questions like would you be somewhat big or proportioned and was told everything would look proportioned. I am having trouble seeing things the way they are now. I am confused with the outcome. I love her with all my being but I’m have trouble seeing the new her. IMO she will likely be a heavy c or d at best. I never thought much about these feelings that I am having. Didn’t even know they existed. It’s almost like I’m mourning the loss a part of her or grieving . I know she is happier physically and emotionally. She is upset that I am going through this and we are trying to be mindful of each other’s feelings. Our marriage is strong and we have had our share of ups and downs. Also for some craziness our sex life has increased dramatically even though I haven’t been in the area of her breast much. I am just starting to venture to that area to see what it feels like for both of us. I’m thinking about seeking counseling and hope Time will heal these feelings. My question is how some other men here deal with this and what was the outcome for them?
I have been on this page many times but never responded. It is the only discussion I have ever found about this online for husbands in our situations. My wife had her surgery 3 years ago and being completely honest with you I still have a hard time about this sometimes. I have experienced some very dark times because of this and like you said, have had to grieve the loss of my favorite part of her body and my favorite part of womens bodies in general. I am a lifelong boob guy and that isn’t going to change. I have been to counseling and spent a lot of time trying to come to terms with this. My wife was a perfect D when we met, perfect in every way. But after 2 kids and 12 years of marriage they had become huge and caused my wife a lot of pain. I understood her decision but begged her to not go too small, but she decided she wanted to go to a B cup. It was a huge change and even to this day I wish she had not gone so small and find myself looking at other womens breasts on TV or on the street and feel sad. I would have been ok if she had done what your wife did and went back to a C or D but I didnt really have any say in this, which also hurt. I was told her surgeon recommended a C for her body shape but my wife had made her mind up she wanted to be small. Like many have said on here, it is incredibly hard to come to terms with especially if you love the look and feel of large breasted women. I know I will have these feelings for the rest of my life which is also hard to deal with and makes me sad because of the loss. But I will tell you there is hope. You have to think about what your life would be without the women you love and then weigh up what is more important to you - life without her or life without her large breasts. Because for me, the thought of losing my wife was stronger than any feelings of the loss of her breasts. So give yourself time but be prepared for a rollercoaster of feelings because if it’s anything like my experience then it’s not going to be an easy ride.
MAY I ASK WHAT THE FINAL RESULT WAS? MY GIRLFRIEND OF 5 YEARS JUST HAD A REDUCTION. SHE WAS A 38 DDD / G. SHE'S 15 WEEKS POST OP. SHE NEVER FELT COMFORTABLE BEING NAKED WHILE BRING INTIMATE, SHE MIGHT BE A LARGE C / SMALL D. NOT SURE IF I CAN GET MYSELF TO WANTING TO SEE HER NAKED AGAIN?
I am 10 years removed from my wife's decision for reduction.
She is a totally good person; a bit controlling, but a good person overall and a great mother.
My wife went ahead with the decision to have breast reduction. She had the classic symptoms of back aches, etc. She met one of her old friends who had a breast reduction and she came home stating she was going to move forward with exploring the reduction.
I understood that this was something that needed to be considered. I asked her to consider looking at weight loss, exercise, etc. before proceeding with such a drastic and radical procedure.
She had her initial consultation and she decided to move forward. I kept pressing as to how much tissue would be removed, etc. All that I got was they would be perkier. I'm a quantative person. How much means 200 grams? 500 grams? 40% smaller? I told her if it was what she needed to do then she should.
I was never invited for a consultation by her or her cosmetic surgeon. I was basically told, I'm moving forward. I tried to persuade her to reconsider or at least look at other alternatives.
The day of the surgery, I drop her off. Park the car. I go to the staff and ask about the length of surgery. No one at the clinic advised me to stay. I had my cell phone with me. I was told the surgery would be about 3 hours so to go ahead and get breakfast. I stayed on site and left cell phone.
Fast forward. Surgery is completed. I knew the results would be shocking at the front end as I had went on internet and researched info and pictures so there was no shock about the bruising and scars. I was hopeful of the "new look"
The surgery was well done. Scarring minimal, etc. But after the breasts had settled I was shocked as to how much tissue was taken. My wife's breasts were reduced at least 50%. I mentioned once to my wife that I was surprised at how extreme the reduction had been and I was struggling with it. I was then told that the surgeon had called out to have me come in and discuss this. Seriously???? I was already at breakfast and nobody called the cell phone. I wasn't advised to stay and in fact was encouraged to go have breakfast due to length of surgery. Furthermore, what doctor and patient consults with you right before the surgery. As if there were any adjustments that could be made at that time.
10 years out, I have never gotten over it. I don't say anything because if I do I'm a selfish bast*rd. I've tried counseling, Viagra, touch,,, etc. The reality is I love my wife emotionally and I am totally faithful, but the visual and touch sensation is gone and our sex life is basically over.
I am angry, but nothing is going to change so I've resigned myself to being a partner in raising our children and in our household management and respective business decisions. The intimacy is gone. There is nothing that can unwire a man's preferences. It isn't just about the size reduction. Surgically altered breasts (enhancement or reduction) do not feel or look the same and a man's brain is wired for a certain look and feel. I am an emotionally sensitive person, but for men in general, there is a certain disconnect between emotionional and physical attraction. We don't dare speak this general truth as we are villified.
My wife could just have well kicked me in the testacles as it has rendered the same result. Sex life is over. We respect each other, but that part of our lives is over.
I agree that women have the right to do with their bodies what they want; unfortunately, in this situation the consequences for many males is loss of physical desire after that alteration. It is what it is. Those women who post on this site that we are selfish pigs are just as shallow as you allude to us being. You are suppressing our feelings and that is a fact.
She is a totally good person; a bit controlling, but a good person overall and a great mother.
My wife went ahead with the decision to have breast reduction. She had the classic symptoms of back aches, etc. She met one of her old friends who had a breast reduction and she came home stating she was going to move forward with exploring the reduction.
I understood that this was something that needed to be considered. I asked her to consider looking at weight loss, exercise, etc. before proceeding with such a drastic and radical procedure.
She had her initial consultation and she decided to move forward. I kept pressing as to how much tissue would be removed, etc. All that I got was they would be perkier. I'm a quantative person. How much means 200 grams? 500 grams? 40% smaller? I told her if it was what she needed to do then she should.
I was never invited for a consultation by her or her cosmetic surgeon. I was basically told, I'm moving forward. I tried to persuade her to reconsider or at least look at other alternatives.
The day of the surgery, I drop her off. Park the car. I go to the staff and ask about the length of surgery. No one at the clinic advised me to stay. I had my cell phone with me. I was told the surgery would be about 3 hours so to go ahead and get breakfast. I stayed on site and left cell phone.
Fast forward. Surgery is completed. I knew the results would be shocking at the front end as I had went on internet and researched info and pictures so there was no shock about the bruising and scars. I was hopeful of the "new look"
The surgery was well done. Scarring minimal, etc. But after the breasts had settled I was shocked as to how much tissue was taken. My wife's breasts were reduced at least 50%. I mentioned once to my wife that I was surprised at how extreme the reduction had been and I was struggling with it. I was then told that the surgeon had called out to have me come in and discuss this. Seriously???? I was already at breakfast and nobody called the cell phone. I wasn't advised to stay and in fact was encouraged to go have breakfast due to length of surgery. Furthermore, what doctor and patient consults with you right before the surgery. As if there were any adjustments that could be made at that time.
10 years out, I have never gotten over it. I don't say anything because if I do I'm a selfish bast*rd. I've tried counseling, Viagra, touch,,, etc. The reality is I love my wife emotionally and I am totally faithful, but the visual and touch sensation is gone and our sex life is basically over.
I am angry, but nothing is going to change so I've resigned myself to being a partner in raising our children and in our household management and respective business decisions. The intimacy is gone. There is nothing that can unwire a man's preferences. It isn't just about the size reduction. Surgically altered breasts (enhancement or reduction) do not feel or look the same and a man's brain is wired for a certain look and feel. I am an emotionally sensitive person, but for men in general, there is a certain disconnect between emotionional and physical attraction. We don't dare speak this general truth as we are villified.
My wife could just have well kicked me in the testacles as it has rendered the same result. Sex life is over. We respect each other, but that part of our lives is over.
I agree that women have the right to do with their bodies what they want; unfortunately, in this situation the consequences for many males is loss of physical desire after that alteration. It is what it is. Those women who post on this site that we are selfish pigs are just as shallow as you allude to us being. You are suppressing our feelings and that is a fact.
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This is so incredibly sad that women are nothing more than a pair of breasts. I had the surgery as a teenager because I could not cope with being so out of proportion. I feel I had no choice, i was constantly laughed at and I really couldnt cope with them. If you were my husband I would rather you tell me the truth and leave me then just put up with me.
I agree, Ashley. I lived a miserable life with my heavy, painful breasts. As a teenager I suffered through depression because of the teasing and staring. I spent years waiting to finally have surgery, only to find out my husband doesn’t want it. I told him this is not negotiable. The truth is, I told him I planned to reduce them before we got married, but he shrugged it off thinking I wouldn’t go through with it. Now that surgery is scheduled, he’s pouting like a baby.
I’m sorry, but you men don’t get a say on this. Are you f***ing kidding me?? You can’t enjoy sex now because she’s smaller? Too bad. If that’s the way it’s going to be, I’ll be happy to go my separate way. At least I’ll get to enjoy my body pain free, and no marriage is worth the sh*t I’ve dealt with.
I’m sorry, but you men don’t get a say on this. Are you f***ing kidding me?? You can’t enjoy sex now because she’s smaller? Too bad. If that’s the way it’s going to be, I’ll be happy to go my separate way. At least I’ll get to enjoy my body pain free, and no marriage is worth the sh*t I’ve dealt with.
If you read all of what that man just said, and your response is just "Too bad", then you deserve to be alone. Marriage is supposed to be a partnership. Each of you should care about the others feelings. If you really need to get the surgery done, even though you know it will destroy your sex life (and ultimately your relationship), then do what you gotta do. But if your attitude is "Too bad", then frankly HE deserves better.
Is this just about really liking big boobs or are you feeling like your wives/girlfriends made this decision without taking your feelings into consideration? As a woman about to undergo a breast reduction, I can tell you it is very easy to get caught up with the notion of finally being ‘free’ of these burdens that cause daily aggravation – from unwanted attention to outright physical agony – that it is difficult to see a downside sometimes.
If my boyfriend told me he wanted me to keep my large breasts, I would have them reduced anyway. I would be very sorry that he felt that way but this is not a ‘team’ decision, I’m afraid. I do value his opinion and I want him to find me attractive, but he does not have to live with them every moment of every day. I agree that it is important to talk about this kind of thing, however I know and he knows that it would be incredibly selfish of him to expect me to live with enormous breasts (30H), when they make me miserable (physically and mentally), just because it gets him off.
Pdxbrb – honestly, it doesn’t sound like you just ‘prefer a voluptuous woman’ you sound like you really don’t like your wife at all. She is ‘a pile of mashed potatoes’, her breasts are a ‘tragedy’, she looks terrible in clothes but even worse when nude, wanted surgery for ‘a quick fix’ because she is too lazy to exercise, she has never looked worse, etc … and you are faking erectile dysfunction because you do not want to talk about the fact that you are still crying over a breast reduction that you didn’t want her to get. I think you are right to say you put her on a pedestal as she was, and now she has revealed herself to be, in fact, an imperfect human being, you can’t handle it.
If my boyfriend told me he wanted me to keep my large breasts, I would have them reduced anyway. I would be very sorry that he felt that way but this is not a ‘team’ decision, I’m afraid. I do value his opinion and I want him to find me attractive, but he does not have to live with them every moment of every day. I agree that it is important to talk about this kind of thing, however I know and he knows that it would be incredibly selfish of him to expect me to live with enormous breasts (30H), when they make me miserable (physically and mentally), just because it gets him off.
Pdxbrb – honestly, it doesn’t sound like you just ‘prefer a voluptuous woman’ you sound like you really don’t like your wife at all. She is ‘a pile of mashed potatoes’, her breasts are a ‘tragedy’, she looks terrible in clothes but even worse when nude, wanted surgery for ‘a quick fix’ because she is too lazy to exercise, she has never looked worse, etc … and you are faking erectile dysfunction because you do not want to talk about the fact that you are still crying over a breast reduction that you didn’t want her to get. I think you are right to say you put her on a pedestal as she was, and now she has revealed herself to be, in fact, an imperfect human being, you can’t handle it.
Words of encouragement for men and women on both ends of this---- my comment is worth a read for advice and maybe a little or a lot of healing!! I'm a 56 year old woman who had a reduction at age 28. My husband (now married 32 years) agreed to the procedure, because after our second child, my boobs almost hung down to my belly button. Here is the weird part....After the reduction, I sort of blocked everything out, and focused on the kids - my husband and I still had great sex, although he wasn't all over my boobs anymore and I kept them covered and assumed the .. ahem .. top position. Oddly, I didn't care - I wouldn't and couldn't allow myself to care. Fast forward 28 years from reduction dat. Here I sit, with my boobs almost back to the size they were before the reduction, as a spilling over 36 D. Pre-reduction was DD. My boobs are better shaped than they were, but I am anguished over the scars. I practice yoga regularly, and am in good shape, but hate the scars.
Here's where the hope and healing comes in: Instead of wallowing in the past, the woulda (not done it) coulda (not done it) shoulda (not done it), here is my advice to you all. Women, buy some of prettiest, sexiest lingerie you can get your hands on. I like pieces I can shimmy down under my boobs to cover the scar lines, then hoist the boobs up over the top - like a corset. Or push them up over the top of any neckline so your nightie is basically a sling. LOVE yourself , massage vitamin A cream into the scars to get them as supple and faded as possible and grow your hair long!
HUSBANDS! Here is the most important thing for you to do, and I SWEAR it will bring amazing healing to you both. Please try to love her new boobs. Kiss them and caress them (overcome). Fondle them and tell her she is beautiful. Watch it come true, your words are VERY powerful. Buy her flowers, put some petals on her for healing in a moment of togetherness.
Help her heal, because I can guarantee if you are feeling appalled, she is feeling those feelings 100 times over. You can actually turn this around some, and watch for yourself the amazing power of acceptance, love, transformation...all within YOUR ability. Please try
, and see the wonders of your human touch, kind words and caring. Try it...it might not happen over night, but try it for a while and watch your wife become beautiful again. You need it, she needs it. You can't go back but you can change today and tomorrow. Try it... :) Best to you all. xo
Here's where the hope and healing comes in: Instead of wallowing in the past, the woulda (not done it) coulda (not done it) shoulda (not done it), here is my advice to you all. Women, buy some of prettiest, sexiest lingerie you can get your hands on. I like pieces I can shimmy down under my boobs to cover the scar lines, then hoist the boobs up over the top - like a corset. Or push them up over the top of any neckline so your nightie is basically a sling. LOVE yourself , massage vitamin A cream into the scars to get them as supple and faded as possible and grow your hair long!
HUSBANDS! Here is the most important thing for you to do, and I SWEAR it will bring amazing healing to you both. Please try to love her new boobs. Kiss them and caress them (overcome). Fondle them and tell her she is beautiful. Watch it come true, your words are VERY powerful. Buy her flowers, put some petals on her for healing in a moment of togetherness.
Help her heal, because I can guarantee if you are feeling appalled, she is feeling those feelings 100 times over. You can actually turn this around some, and watch for yourself the amazing power of acceptance, love, transformation...all within YOUR ability. Please try
, and see the wonders of your human touch, kind words and caring. Try it...it might not happen over night, but try it for a while and watch your wife become beautiful again. You need it, she needs it. You can't go back but you can change today and tomorrow. Try it... :) Best to you all. xo
I am really sad to read these men's views. I was 17 when I had a breast reduction. I was 120lbs with 32e boobs. Men of all ages constantly stared and made horrible comments and laughed at me with their friends. I felt like a freak having such big boobs on a small body. I had to give up sports because they hurt so much and I wore really baggy clothes to hide them. All I ever wanted was to have normal sized or small boobs like all my friends had. I did not want or understand the attention. I begged my mother to let me get a reduction. I truly believe I had to have it because I was so out of proportion, but I do have scars and this has affected my relationship s with Men because I don't want them to be turned off by me so I have only ever had sex in dark which I know is also a turn off to men. At 33; I've tried so hard to overcome this and tried to think differently about this and hope that someday a men will like me for who I am,and the fact that I have other attractive qualities about me but it seems what most men really want is a nice pair of boobs and that's really really really awful and they will throw away 'love' because of this one aspect. I'd rather be single than be in a relationship with a man who isn't 100% happy with me like the men commenting here.
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The thing you're missing here, and I'm sorry for your experience when you were younger, is that you're not in a committed relationship or marriage for 10 years. There are men that will be 100% attracted to you as you are. They will notice your eyes, your smile, your hair, legs, whatever and then want to learn more about you. As they get to know how wonderful you are they will want to go even further and make even more of a commitment. This is normal. Men are visual. Men who like a woman's eyes are no different than men who like a woman's breasts just more socially acceptable as it turns out. The difference that you're not appearing to recognize is that a dramatic change like this physically is drastic, sudden, and affects sexual desire. No your sterling personality doesn't carry you through just as my gaining 100 lbs. suddenly is going to hold water with my wife. While you describe the men on this site as shallow beings at best you're showing us what a lot of women have presented us in the face of these reduction surgeries - complete insensitivity. We get to like what we like and if you think we married you or have long lasting relationship based on the size of your breasts then you are selling yourself very short.
My beloved wife of 20 years just told me a couple weeks ago she wanted a reduction. I was shocked and didn't know what to say so I didn't say anything and listened. After a couple of days of soul searching I sat her down and explained my perspective.
First, I reminded her that she asked me out after we had met at a party. I really wasn't interested. She used her breasts to attract me and even went so far as to take her shirt off when we started making out a little. They were fabulous and in my testosterone laden youth they were plenty of incentive to seek a second date. Without her breasts I would never have pursued her or fallen in love with her because quite frankly she wasn't my type. She was and still is pretty chubby.
I told her no matter what she does, I will always love her. After 20 years I still lust after her as well. I cannot guarantee that will continue to be the case if she gets a reduction though. The hard truth is she will then be chubby with small or medium boobs in proportion to her body. I am a passionate man and I will not live a passionless life. The implication is clear and the decision is hers. She said she was shocked, upset and flattered all at the same time. I did tell her that I know I should do a better job romancing her to show her how wonderful she is. She doesn't need an esteem boost from smaller boobs. She needs a daily reminder from me.
First, I reminded her that she asked me out after we had met at a party. I really wasn't interested. She used her breasts to attract me and even went so far as to take her shirt off when we started making out a little. They were fabulous and in my testosterone laden youth they were plenty of incentive to seek a second date. Without her breasts I would never have pursued her or fallen in love with her because quite frankly she wasn't my type. She was and still is pretty chubby.
I told her no matter what she does, I will always love her. After 20 years I still lust after her as well. I cannot guarantee that will continue to be the case if she gets a reduction though. The hard truth is she will then be chubby with small or medium boobs in proportion to her body. I am a passionate man and I will not live a passionless life. The implication is clear and the decision is hers. She said she was shocked, upset and flattered all at the same time. I did tell her that I know I should do a better job romancing her to show her how wonderful she is. She doesn't need an esteem boost from smaller boobs. She needs a daily reminder from me.
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She deserves so much better than you
I feel all the confusion here by the men. Breasts are wonderful. It's some sick game that society plays when you strive for perfection. But if you have a man who truly loves you why change??
As for me. I had a reduction. I hate it. I'm not me anymore. I'm anyone. I'm not special. I wish I'd never done it I am looking to get implants to take me back. Any women. Is it a reduction you want or an uplift. Be clear.
As for me. I had a reduction. I hate it. I'm not me anymore. I'm anyone. I'm not special. I wish I'd never done it I am looking to get implants to take me back. Any women. Is it a reduction you want or an uplift. Be clear.
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Thank you for sharing and for your honesty. You had your best intentions with your procedure. Hopefully in time it gets better for you. Thank you again for sharing-
I'm very surprised this is the best conversation across the internet so this is my story for the past couple months my wife has been hinting she was going through with this procedure and for the longest i was very supportive and the night before the operation we tried having sex but i really wasn't into it and we both went to bed upset at each other she said it would change her life for the better then the day came i had high hopes that things would come out great until i seen her after the operation i was extremely let down from what was said during the pre op she would go from a g cup down to maybe a solid d cup but she looked more like a average c cup on the way home my disappointment and anger got the better of me and i said some very hurtful things and after she had enough she said some back it took me to call a family crisis line to get advise on how to handle the situation they said the same thing many of the female commenters said "she is the one going through the surgery""it's her life"and etc but the only thing that really hurts my feeling that i thought that we are a team and we should think together instead of apart later that night i reassured her that i wasn't going anywhere but i still fall in with some of the guys i have always been attracted to my wife other than her physical appearance she is loving and trusting and we have been through a lot more together than any other women i have ever been in a serious relationship with but i always enjoyed her being a plus sized girl and that was one of the great physical attributes my wife had c cup sized breast look great on a female of a certain body sized but if you put them on a larger size girl it just doesn't look natural at all i understand the women side of the story with the health benefits but i understand the guys side of maybe getting some reassurance than the procedure won't go horrible wrong she is left with nothing but in the end what is done is done i can't cry over her decision when i have my own life to live that's something she has to live with i don't have to like the final result but i have to accept it because she is my wife and thats who i vowed to honor and cherish just like she is going to honor and cherish me and as far as the other commenters now matter if it's been 1 day or 8 years ago that you and your spouse had this procedure done don't let something special slip away over something like this just remember the good times and the bad and the reasons on why you two decided to get married or get involved into a serious relationship in the first place it's not the men fault that they have feeling's or emotion's and it's not the women fault that they have health concern's with having large breast WE ARE ALL HUMAN and all of us are very unique and in a relationship we need to work with, respect, and understand each others needs and feeling to have a healthy relationship p.s. I HATE C-CUPS!!!
8 years later and I have never gotten used to my wife's changed body. I never will and no amount of counseling will change. I've tried. We're still married but sex life is non existent. I don't dare say anything or I'm a selfish *******. I just suffer in silence and accept the fact that my sex life is basically over. I'm committed to being faithful. The anger is there and it manifests itself in depression but there is nothing I can do to change my wife's body back or erase the image of what was lost to me physically. Sad but true. There are many aspects about my spouse I love. I pleaded with her to reconsider before going ahead with the surgery but was basically told to get over it. If I could have even had some say as to the extend of the reduction I may have felt different, but it basically came down to the surgeon and my wife making the decision and I had no input.
I dare not say anything or I am a bad person. So, I'm sorry ladies who feel we are selfish bastards, but I've tried to adjust. Most men are just wired to the visual appearance of a woman. It has been proven over and over that sex is very much about the visual and tactile experience for men. What are we supposed to do? Deny our hormones? If a women is suffering PMS due to hormonal changes, it is accetable. If a man has inabillity to adapt due to physical changes in a women we are just awful people. Frankly, I give up.
I dare not say anything or I am a bad person. So, I'm sorry ladies who feel we are selfish bastards, but I've tried to adjust. Most men are just wired to the visual appearance of a woman. It has been proven over and over that sex is very much about the visual and tactile experience for men. What are we supposed to do? Deny our hormones? If a women is suffering PMS due to hormonal changes, it is accetable. If a man has inabillity to adapt due to physical changes in a women we are just awful people. Frankly, I give up.
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Your excuses are garbage. That's all they are too. Men aren't wired for anything. It's entitlement to a woman's body. If you decided to get a **** reduction or extensions, hair implants, dental work to make yourself better ESPECIALLY for your health I am sure your wife would be right there beside you supporting you. Not whining.
Do better
Do better
Women (God love em) simply can't and don't know exactly just HOW harDD-wireDD we are. Esp when blessed with being w/a busty wife and then having it removed from us. It's not your fault; but please don't insist that were all lying when we say we ARE harDD-wireDD for this. It's how we're made and both Darwinists and Christians understand that it is to ensure procreation. Please believe us. There's simply no way to prove it other than forums like this one.
Like already stated "I was surprised at the feelings I have of betrayal, neglect, almost grieving the loss of my favorite part of her body, feelings of depression." My wife had a reduction 13 months ago. I have tried to get used to her new much reduced shape and it is not going well. I find it difficult to look at her scarred breasts. She says what if I had cancer? I say that is different, you underwent a voluntary procedure because you didn't like the way people looked at you. We get nowhere. I more or less can force myself to be with her, but if I think too much while being together I cannot maintain an erection. If I was not in my 60's I would move on, but I don’t relish the thought of "dating." I love her for many reasons, but don't find her sexually attractive. So where does that leave us? In some sort of limbo, a plutonic type relationship without desire that make me nauseous when I think about it. I lusted for my wife for many years, now I have difficulty looking at her.
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Finally. It's been so hard to find anyone speaking up like this. I feel the same. Life is really horrible in the intimacy department. I've looked to engage myself in other passions but its weird to even get in bed with my wife now. Feel like we're just roommates. I'm really torn up about this and its not getting better. Thank you again for speaking out.
I feel like I'm sleeping w/a guy.
Well I have been with the same partner for 11 years. She got the breast reduction early on in our relationship. Maybe after one year together. I still hold a lot of resentment, anger, frustration, betrayal, depression. I felt and still feel shallow for caring so much about her breasts but that is how I feel. I feel it is something a female will never fully understand. What if I decided to get a penis reduction? Would most woman be accepting of that? Highly unlikely. She had a wonderful pair of breasts and went from DD to B/C . I am partial to big **** but I love breast in all shapes and sizes, they were hers and it hurt a lot to see them go. I repressed it for a while but it just made it worse. I regret not speaking up more prior to her doing it. I feel if she were to consider doing it now I would put a up a huge battle. Also it was not for back issues, purely a confidence thing. Well I wish I was hung like a horse but I'm not going to get an operation! Just had to get that off my chest. Getting married in two months and I am still holding on to this ********. If anyone has any advice to finally put this **** behind me, please let me know.
Thanks
Al
Thanks
Al
2 Comments
I spoke up a lot before my wife's procedure but of course any comment made that wasn't 100% supportive meant I was being an insensitive jerk that only cared for her breasts. I now have complete sexual shutdown and am madly depressed over this. She wasn't in all that much pain but wanted to fit into more dressess. She understood somewhat but did it anyways. Knowing she likes tall men (I'm 6'3")--I told her what if I came home one day and I was 5'3". She got that analogy but continued anyways. I love her but I'm completely torn up inside.
Partner? Hmmm what does that mean? I assume its some type of liberal Millennialism. Ok sarcasm aside you mean un-married yet you say you have dealt with this 11 years? May I ask why? If you were unmarried for 11 years why would you stay in it? Or do you actually mean married and that somehow after one measly year, 365 days you didn't know she wanted this procedure? I was like a ton of bricks? If it were a ton of bricks still it was only 365 days in, I assume no kids? Wait a minute were back to you possibly being a millennial which means yes you probably had a kid because usually it goes like this, meet girl, have kid, buy a house then lastly maybe 10-20 years later then get married lol. In other words I assume normalcy how stupid of me because I'm trying to figure out why a guy just dating sticks around for 11 years with a woman who cut off his most precious funbags then hangs around
What is selfish is the way this surgery screws up more relationships than lives it betters. When a man is attracted to a woman that is a good thing. How can you possibly fault an individual for being attracted to you. If he likes your breasts that is a great thing. The doctors tell you how out of proportion you are and they can reduce the size back to a more normal size. Let's step back a second and think about what is actually going on here. A strange individual takes a small sharp knife and cuts large pieces of breast tissue from those very glands that define you as a woman. He then pulls what is left back together staples it and stitches what he can back together to form some resemblance of a breast. In my wines case the nipples look like they were cut with a small cookie cutter, she is scarred from armpit to armpit, half of each breast has ended up as bags under each armpit and the doctor took well over two thirds of each breast. Now she looks normal I guess. Sure they are smaller but very ugly. I can only speak for myself but this surgery was a complete disaster for our marriage.
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"The very glands that define you as a woman." Seriously? What does that say about women who naturally have smaller chests, or women who have them removed due to breast cancer. Reducing the essence of one's gender to their parts is disgusting and offensive.
I realize that many women get reductions for medical reasons and that is understandable. Just saying that having empathy for husbands and boyfriends who find large breasts aestheticly pleasing should not be seen as completely unimportant. You mentioned that you don't understand finding large breasts attractive so I assume you have not empathy at all. But it is hard to experience the women love become suddenly different and less attractive even if you know it is to relieve her pain. I still believe breast reduction and height reduction are close aesthetic equivalents in a gender sense.
2 Comments
Like I said cut 4” inches off and see how she reacts
Uhmmm because she's more than T&A?? In bed everyone is the same height but not everyone is the same size! But, we T&A gender don't give a rat's @!#: about size if we love you and neither should you care about what inches; (and it is mere inches in both scenarios ???) matters...damn get a clue... Sexuality is so not in the inches lol! It's in the IQ...I think you're lacking some inches there. That bothers me more than your height!
I completely understand where you're coming from. I'm still having difficulty looking at what she so proudly shows off. Irrespective of the medical benefits of reduced weight, I think a lot of it for my wife was "fixing" her aestetic and while she's happy with the results its still very difficult for me to process and look at. I liked the large breast when we first met and thought she looked great even after 3 kids and 14 yrs of marriage. I think sweetpea can talk a lot of platitudes and while its true that one needs to get used to it I'm concerned how long that will take. The hard part is trying to be supportive, while hiding how disturbing the the look and feel are.
4 Comments
I'm still not used to the look either. Quite frankly she's now not the kind of woman that I would give a second notice if I were dating. She too is oddly proud of this surgery which is puzzling to me. I must have a great poker face. My wife's health was perfect before the surgery so it wasn't for health reasons as she claims. I'd like to say it gets better but we're not there yet. I'm very supportive of her I just don't want to be with her intimately. And going to the doctor for this phony "erectile disfunction" is a real pain in the ***.
My wife cut her DDD **** off to a 34b and I hated it til I found another well endowed woman. Now I have those lovely nipples in my mouth all the time. I love falling to sleep with her F cup breasts in my hand. Heaven again.
I'm finding it hard to find the words to respond to this. It's hard to believe a person could be so self-involved and superficial that all they care about is the size of a person's breasts. If you hate it so much, you should do her a favor and leave her for this bimbo you find attractive. Disgusting!!!
I agree... The "Ick" factor is glaringly apparent here. Ick, Ick, Ick! I had a breast reduction..... I don't care if he likes them... I'm so much more than a pillow for his head (either one of them lol)!
The love of my life got a breast reduction. My feelings of loss have been devastating. It's a kind of pain I didn't know was possible.
She used to have the most beautiful natural breasts I had ever seen: G cups... full and round and flawless and magnificent. Now she has deflated D cups with huge anchor scars.
I used to feel pure joy and delight when I looked at her body. Now I feel a litany of negative emotions: shock, horror, disgust, revulsion, deep sorrow, raw anger... grief.
Her breasts used to be special in a good way (much larger than average). Now they are special in a bad way (scarred).
I used to feel lucky to have found her. Now I feel unlucky, like I was the victim of a cruel bait and switch.
I would have been perfectly satisfied with her and never been tempted to look at another woman. Now I can't stop thinking about finding someone new, someone intact.
I don't think we can be together anymore. It wouldn't be fair to either of us. I shouldn't have to be with someone who makes me feel this way, and she shouldn't have to be with someone who feels this way about her.
Thinking about why I'm reacting so badly... it has almost nothing to do with size and almost everything to do with the fact of the surgery. It's unnatural. It's disfiguring. To cut away pieces of perfectly healthy breasts... it turns my stomach. It's as bad as if she had injured her breasts in a car crash, or been mauled by a wild animal, or had a maniac run up to her in the street and slash her with a knife. In a way, the surgery is worse. The wounds are so precise and methodical. Knowing the harm was done with her permission, by a board-certified cosmetic surgeon, with the goal of making her more comfortable... none of that matters. At the end of the day, she is still disfigured, and no amount of scar revision, laser treatment, microneedling, dermabrasion, or fat transfer will ever bring her back to the way she was. She can never be natural again.
I feel like I failed to protect her. From herself, from all the people who encouraged or enabled the operation.
I also feel cheated. The reduction means her days of peak beauty are firmly behind her, and I all but missed them. It's an indignity. It stings.
I'm still in love, but the woman I fell in love with is gone. My heart is broken.
She used to have the most beautiful natural breasts I had ever seen: G cups... full and round and flawless and magnificent. Now she has deflated D cups with huge anchor scars.
I used to feel pure joy and delight when I looked at her body. Now I feel a litany of negative emotions: shock, horror, disgust, revulsion, deep sorrow, raw anger... grief.
Her breasts used to be special in a good way (much larger than average). Now they are special in a bad way (scarred).
I used to feel lucky to have found her. Now I feel unlucky, like I was the victim of a cruel bait and switch.
I would have been perfectly satisfied with her and never been tempted to look at another woman. Now I can't stop thinking about finding someone new, someone intact.
I don't think we can be together anymore. It wouldn't be fair to either of us. I shouldn't have to be with someone who makes me feel this way, and she shouldn't have to be with someone who feels this way about her.
Thinking about why I'm reacting so badly... it has almost nothing to do with size and almost everything to do with the fact of the surgery. It's unnatural. It's disfiguring. To cut away pieces of perfectly healthy breasts... it turns my stomach. It's as bad as if she had injured her breasts in a car crash, or been mauled by a wild animal, or had a maniac run up to her in the street and slash her with a knife. In a way, the surgery is worse. The wounds are so precise and methodical. Knowing the harm was done with her permission, by a board-certified cosmetic surgeon, with the goal of making her more comfortable... none of that matters. At the end of the day, she is still disfigured, and no amount of scar revision, laser treatment, microneedling, dermabrasion, or fat transfer will ever bring her back to the way she was. She can never be natural again.
I feel like I failed to protect her. From herself, from all the people who encouraged or enabled the operation.
I also feel cheated. The reduction means her days of peak beauty are firmly behind her, and I all but missed them. It's an indignity. It stings.
I'm still in love, but the woman I fell in love with is gone. My heart is broken.
wow i see this was written over 10 years ago and i really hope things either got better or you both were able to move on separate ways and be happy. i had a breast lift done 2 weeks ago and i asked to keep as much tissue and just do a lift. they said they would be a tiny bit smaller due to the excess skin being removed but pretty much same size. Either way i always took my husband’s opinions into consideration because although i was 100% doing this for me and my confidence, i of course want my husband to also be happy because that also makes me happy. If i was going drastically smaller i can 100% understand it being hard for my husband to get on board not because he doesn’t love me but because i understand each man has preferences when it comes to physical attraction as do women. i would try to find a compromise so we can both be happy. That’s just me tho, and if there was no way to compromise i would sit down and have a long talk about our future because i would never want my husband to not be attracted to me anymore even if he does love me if he really can’t move on passed it i would rather him tell me he’s not attracted than for him to lie to me every day.
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