Aa
worried gf..
So my best friend since 3rd grade was in a relationship for 3 yrs on and off. one night i think it was like nov. 24 2009 she had a one nihht stand with a 49 year old guy. she said she had sex w her bf a few days before and a wk afterwards. she got pregnant Nd had the baby August 24 2010. The.boy now almost four looks nothing.like her bf at the.time. except for the insanely blue eyes.that everyone in his family have. latley I've ran into the man she slept w and.i can see a.similarity. now she.told.me her.bf.at the.time had.said.he tried to get a previous gf he was.w for 8 yrs pregnant and as soon as they split up she got pregnant. and he has since tried to get another. 2 gfs pregnant but he never has been successful. so my question is what if he can't have children!?? Than this man who joked around w her about it being hia.kid is really the father??? The ex of hers knows now that she cheated around the time he was concieved but.he says.its his.miracle baby and swears his self he can't have.kids. he doesn't want to.find out if.its not.his.son bc he loves him to death either way. my Question is what should she do leave it alone? I meB the older guy obviously knows its possible its his chil and never pursued. anything. and its like he doesn't care. Nd her ex obviously does care so should she do something bc everytime i.see this.man i see major.similarities ?????
COMMUNITY LEADER
Well, at least it was worth repeating. :)
I think if my friend asked me for advice (and ONLY if she did, please keep a sock in it if she doesn't), in your shoes I would say the one about the only thing that she should worry about is making sure she has a medical history on the other guy's family such that any big congenital issue is known, and then just forget it. The child could very well be from who they think he is from, her ex. And he has a happy life. As you and I are saying, it matters SO MUCH MORE than erasing any lingering doubts about where he began.
Even if the other guy is in his 50s, it is not impossible that when your godson is 21 [if he sniffs out that there is a question, and gets a DNA test, and finds out the biological dad was that other guy] it is certainly possible that your godson would be able to get to know him then. People are younger than they used to be at 70 (and a whole hell of a lot more pleasant as well, I might add).
Keep in mind that things could be the way your friend and her ex think they are, that this was a miracle baby from him. That will help you simmer down over the situation. :)
I think if my friend asked me for advice (and ONLY if she did, please keep a sock in it if she doesn't), in your shoes I would say the one about the only thing that she should worry about is making sure she has a medical history on the other guy's family such that any big congenital issue is known, and then just forget it. The child could very well be from who they think he is from, her ex. And he has a happy life. As you and I are saying, it matters SO MUCH MORE than erasing any lingering doubts about where he began.
Even if the other guy is in his 50s, it is not impossible that when your godson is 21 [if he sniffs out that there is a question, and gets a DNA test, and finds out the biological dad was that other guy] it is certainly possible that your godson would be able to get to know him then. People are younger than they used to be at 70 (and a whole hell of a lot more pleasant as well, I might add).
Keep in mind that things could be the way your friend and her ex think they are, that this was a miracle baby from him. That will help you simmer down over the situation. :)
Its just a hard.situation i guess bc I'm his godmother i.worry about.him a lot. but.your right he has two parents that.love.him to deTh and.also has an amazing step father. so know matter what he is lucky. there Re.kids who's father's. or mothers for that fact who.don't care if they have.children or not.Its just a hard.situation i guess bc I'm his godmother i.worry about.him a lot. but.your right he has two parents that.love.him to deTh and.also has an amazing step father. so know matter what he is lucky. there Re.kids who's father's. or mothers for that fact who.don't care if they have.children or not.
I get that but bc this.guys.is.now in his 50s what if her son eventually finds out and doesn't have the.option of getting to know.him bc.he.isn't around anymore??
COMMUNITY LEADER
Sorry, dropped phrase -- "Son can *pursue a DNA test* at that time"
COMMUNITY LEADER
Well, it's not your call, no matter how many similarities you see with the other guy. You are not a primary party to this (possible) drama, you should not do anything including putting importance on the concept that "everytime i.see this.man i see major.similarities." In fact, you should work on stopping looking speculatively on that guy, it is not helping anything for you to wonder, you are not the one who has to decide anything about the situation. The child is happy and has two parents who love him. If your friend and her ex both love the child and act as parents to the child, what good would it do for someone's best friend from third grade to dip her oar in and stir up the water? This goes for later in life, too, when the kid is 21 or more. Do not open your mouth, his mom's sex life is not your secret to discuss.
If your friend is acting torn about this and directly asks for your advice, you can give her advice. But there is nothing further that is morally correct for you to do.
Your advice could be, let sleeping dogs lie, this is a happy child with a dad who loves him and this is rare enough and should not be disrupted. (A happy childhood is worth more than someone's friend's ideas of what someone should do with her life.) I hope you vote for continuing the present love and family happiness for the child, and also that this is how you always act when you see them. Drop the speculative glances or knowing remarks. What good would it do for anyone to find out otherwise?
Your advice could be, get the other guy's health-background info just in case, and then let sleeping dogs lie. This is no different than if a girl is already pregnant when she meets her new man, and the new man loves her child as his own. It should be respected, and not broken up. It's also the story she (not you) could tell her son when he is 21; i.e., that she thought for a long time he was (ex's) and later had some doubt, but it didn't matter in terms of his happiness for anyone to delve into it. Son can at that time if he wants to.
Or your advice could be, demand a DNA test with the other guy because "right is right" and one's best friends from third grade think this is an interesting drama and want it resolved. If it turns out to be the wrong guy's baby, it will possibly change your friend's attitude about the ex in subtle ways, and that might transmit to the ex and to the child, who will sooner or later need an explanation, and it will also bring into your friend's life a lot of annoyance at the other guy who never was interested in being a dad and probably doesn't feel like acting like one now. In other words, take a happy kid from the person who he thinks is the dad and shake everyone's foundation. Frankly, that advice stinks. You don't want to give that advice.
Anyway, try to put a sock in it when you want to confide to your friend about all the similarities you see with the other guy. Let it go.
If your friend is acting torn about this and directly asks for your advice, you can give her advice. But there is nothing further that is morally correct for you to do.
Your advice could be, let sleeping dogs lie, this is a happy child with a dad who loves him and this is rare enough and should not be disrupted. (A happy childhood is worth more than someone's friend's ideas of what someone should do with her life.) I hope you vote for continuing the present love and family happiness for the child, and also that this is how you always act when you see them. Drop the speculative glances or knowing remarks. What good would it do for anyone to find out otherwise?
Your advice could be, get the other guy's health-background info just in case, and then let sleeping dogs lie. This is no different than if a girl is already pregnant when she meets her new man, and the new man loves her child as his own. It should be respected, and not broken up. It's also the story she (not you) could tell her son when he is 21; i.e., that she thought for a long time he was (ex's) and later had some doubt, but it didn't matter in terms of his happiness for anyone to delve into it. Son can at that time if he wants to.
Or your advice could be, demand a DNA test with the other guy because "right is right" and one's best friends from third grade think this is an interesting drama and want it resolved. If it turns out to be the wrong guy's baby, it will possibly change your friend's attitude about the ex in subtle ways, and that might transmit to the ex and to the child, who will sooner or later need an explanation, and it will also bring into your friend's life a lot of annoyance at the other guy who never was interested in being a dad and probably doesn't feel like acting like one now. In other words, take a happy kid from the person who he thinks is the dad and shake everyone's foundation. Frankly, that advice stinks. You don't want to give that advice.
Anyway, try to put a sock in it when you want to confide to your friend about all the similarities you see with the other guy. Let it go.
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