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Could I be the father ?

On October 29th just after midnight, she told me she started bleeding (LMP). She typically runs a 28 day cycle, sometimes a day or so short. Also, based on OPK testing she typically ovulates between day 12 and 14. On Monday, November 6th (approximately 9pm) we had intercourse. I started to *** outside of her but she put it inside and I finished. At least half of it went inside. On Thursday, she texted OPK and had faint line. Friday morning (November 10th) she told me her cervical fluid was egg whites. She said, it's time. At 11:30pm on the same day, she told me she was cramping and had spotting. She found that to be weird. I researched the symptoms and believe it was ovulation spotting. That night (don't know the time..could have been between 9pm and 2am) she had intercourse with her ex. He claims he pulled out and didn't *** inside of her. Saturday, November 11th, she took OPK test and two dark lines, positive test. She didn't take that test on Friday and previously, she has had a positive OPK test two days in a row. Is it possible she had already ovulated Friday night (spotting indicating release of egg?) Or would it have to be after positive OPK (even though it may have been positive Friday but we don't know.) Saturday and Sunday she complained of cramping. No mention of CF. She insists she ovulated Saturday, November 11th because of the positive test and that's what her app said. Which would have put my sperm at the upper limit of 5 days. Friday night would have been 4 days. Anyway, she texted positive for pregnancy on November 26th. Her expected period was the 25th. Well, she keeps insisting it's not my baby. Last Wednesday (December 6th), ultrasound showed that she was 5 1/2 weeks. She went back yesterday, December 13th, and the doctor said she was only 5 weeks along, that the previous ultrasound was 4 weeks, that her date of conception was between November 19th and 21st, that sperm only lives 72 hours, and there is no way I could be the father. There is no way the doctor can be right. I feel like someone is not being honest. I tracked the timeline in a very detailed fashion including tracking symptoms of ovulation. Please help. Could it be mine??
1 Responses
134578 tn?1546634665

How reliable are the places where she has been getting her ultrasounds? Is she going to a private doctor or just a walk-in place? When she had the ultrasound either time, but especially on December 6, what estimated due date did the doctor give her? (Trying to figure this out based on merely a GA or "weeks pregnant" count is a road to nowhere.) Do you have copies of the ultrasound photos? A fourth-week pregnancy looks very different than a mid-fifth week pregnancy.

How regular are her cycles, does the period come every 28 days no matter what, just like clockwork? Or do they vary?

You are very specific and intent, and for some reason she was using OPKs (please don't tell me it was for birth-control purposes -- all they do is measure hormone surges, not the date of ovulation). Have you two been trying to get her pregnant? Is it causing an argument, that she had sex with her ex? You say darkly, "I feel like someone is not being honest." Are you two now on the outs or iffy?

Because the very simplest way to solve this (though not the cheapest, obviously) would be to contact Ravgen or the DDC and set up a prenatal paternity test for both you and the other guy to do with her in a few weeks. This would be more difficult if you two are arguing and you mentally accuse her of lying and she is responding by refusing to consider that you might be the dad. If you try to insist on testing in such a fraught emotional environment, there is the risk she will label you as obsessive or controlling, and simply refuse to test and refuse to try to get her ex to test. You would be able to get her to test in 9 months by going through legal channels, but it sounds like you are more than interested in knowing now.

I think from the data you give, you have a chance, not a huge one. The calendar does not give you much support (if she always has a period on the 28th day), the cramping that you interpret as ovulation helps your case, the OPK does not favor your argument, the fact that the ex says he didn't come means little (lots of times, there is still sperm in the urethra from a prior ejaculation, and besides, guys who don't want to be fathers always say this). Your assumption that sperm lives only 5 days is not necessarily supported by research, though the research is not definitive. (Some older research says 72 hours, some says 4-6 days, some says sperm lives 7 days but suggests it is not strong enough to penetrate the egg by the 6th day.) None of this can be used to disprove for sure that you could be the dad. The only thing you can do is ask for testing. If you have made her hostile or suspicious of your intensity on the question (or if you are doing this in a battle for control or to be right) then you are going to have to walk back the arguing part and be more constructive and helpful and supportive.

If she is willing to test before the baby comes, you and the other guy should both test. One guy's positive will back up the other guy's negative. Do not use an Internet cheapie so-called lab, call Ravgen or the DDC. Be ready to pony up the big bucks.

If this is not possible, talk to a lawyer and prepare to get a test when the baby is born.

Her cycles are very regular, but more often a 27 day cycle than a 28. She may have had one 28 day cycle in the 8 months we were TTC. Every other cycle her period started on the 27th day, like clock work.
I just uploaded Week 5 and Week 6 ultrasounds to my profile so you can view them.
"Have you two been trying to get her pregnant? " -- Yes -- we have been trying for 8 months to get pregnant, but only once per cycle usually. And on November 10th (around her O day) she told me that she wanted me to get her PG and was hoping she could tell me in a few weeks that she was. Well, then she gets pregnant and it's NOT mine (according to her).

All you can do is try to get along with her and be supportive to the child when it comes, whether it is from your sperm or the other guy's. This is a baby coming into the world without two parents in a committed relationship, and it takes a lot of solidity and backup to raise a child, more than one parent alone can provide. Focus on the needs of the child and not on whose sperm produced it, and you will probably come through this OK.
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