HELP-NEED ADVICE ON FATHER

[ninasimone445]

Hi,
I would like your opinion on who the possible father could be. My LMP began on 28th/29th July I have a regular 28day cycle and had sex with my boyfriend on the 1st August (last day of period) unprotect and ejaculated, had sex with a friend early hours of 4th (can't remember if he ejaculated although pretty sure he didn't) then had sex with my boyfriend on the night of 5th August he ejaculated in me.  Then didn't have sex again until 17th August where friend ejaculated in me (but i took the morning after pill) found out I was pregnant on the 26th August. 8weeks ultrasound meausured at 9weeks 3 days.  Could my boyfriend be the father???

[AnnieBrooke]

You will do OK no matter what the DNA test shows, and if the child is your boyfriend's he may change his mind.  Time will enlighten and in fact heal, and I know you will do well with your child.  Take care.

[ninasimone445]

Thank you Annie, I cried so much after reading your mail and really took time to process it. I wish I could feel better and in some regard  I actually do however I still cannot help but think on how he behaves. It really is not as if we didn't speak on it and neither is it as if he did not know i wanted a child we discussed it and agreed to try. But of course he has no recolection of this now. Anyway acceptance is key.

[AnnieBrooke]

Well, if he told you all along he didn't want a child, and you never exactly made it a point to sit him down and explain clearly that if the two of you had unprotected sex there was a possibility you could get pregnant, unfortunately now you don't really have the moral high ground.  He was 'stupid to think you could not fall pregnant?' -- i.e., he was supposed to know you wanted a baby no matter what he said about it, and to protect himself better from the possibility that you weren't on birth control?  Maybe he simply trusted you.  It's also pretty hard-edged to call him selfish, when he never kept his preference for no further kids a secret (quite the opposite, if you had an abortion with him), he's 54 and probably hadn't planned to spend his retirement money this way, he is recently separated (a costly emotional event), and he has a child already.  I don't mention these points to chide you, but because how he and you talk now will color the entire future life you have with the child, whether that life is with him or not.  It would help so much to keep things now as tactful and constructive as possible, and part of doing that is to hold back from even thinking things like "selfish," or it will come out in your attitude.  

That all said, you sound like you will be able to do it, and pretty well also.  You are in an enviable position in so many ways, just ask the girls in the teenage-pregnancy forum.  And who knows, if he is the father, he might well come round to the whole idea with a little time.

Take care, and cherish your sweet little one for me.  (((HUGS)))  Annie

[ninasimone445]

Thank you AnnieBrooke,

Your words are truth in fact. Its such a shame really because my boyfriend dosn't even want a child despite us having discussed it on many ocasions i even fell pregnant before and aborted it. This was truly one of the worst feelings I could have experienced. But I felt it was the best decision at the time. Our life is really not bad I have my own home and I have a stable job (as they go considering) he although recently seperated is the owner of his own buisiness has a 25year old daughter has his own home and is 54. Not only do I think he is being selfish I think he is stupid to think I could not fall pregnant again. Anyway it is what it is and my mind has although not wanting it to be the case fine tuned itself into thinking that being a parent doing it on her own just might be a possibility. We have been together for five years and now he feels the worse thing could have ever happened.

[AnnieBrooke]

Well, sweetheart, you are in a better position than many, since you are 42.  Not only does that imply maturity, patience, stability and probably your career solid so you will be able to care for and provide for the child, but also, by the time a woman is 40, if she wants a baby society is not as alarmed or judgmental about her having one than people can get if she is just a kid.  I hope it is your boyfriend's also, but if the other guy is your friend, that is not the worst of second choices.  

[ninasimone445]

Thank you very much I am praying it is my boyfriends. For sure this has taught me an invaluable lesson and changed what I create for myself in life. I am 42 and this will be my first child I waited so long before I decided to have a baby and for sure did not want to have an abortion. I never ever wanted to be in this type of situation it infact was my worst nightmare, to carry and uncertain as to the Father.

[AnnieBrooke]

Thanks for checking it.  So, 9w3d on 9/28 gives you an estimated conception date of August 7, give or take a day or two.  You ask if your boyfriend could be the father -- sure he could.  Unfortunately, the friend is not ruled out either.  If the friend from the 4th had any sperm come out (even if you sorta think he did not ejaculate, if his pre-ejaculatory fluid had some in it), and if you had sex with your boyfriend the night of the 5th, it is a toss-up whose swimmers might have visited the egg on the 7th, since they both could have been present.  The 4th is not far enough ahead of the 7th for all of that guy's swimmers to be dead, and obviously neither is the 5th.  Though your boyfriend has the edge if you are truly absolutely 1000% sure your friend did not ejaculate, unfortunately he doesn't have enough of an edge.  Even in absence of ejaculation, sometimes a woman can get pregnant from a man's pre-ejaculatory fluid carrying sperm in it.  You will definitely need a DNA test when the baby is born.

[ninasimone445]

28th September was the exact date!

[ninasimone445]

I think it was around 21st September if my memory serves me correct...but I know the ultra sound doc said it is measuring at 9weeks 3days five days later than initial thought based on LMP.

[AnnieBrooke]

I meant, what day like 17th of August or the 26th of August?  The ultrasound that you had that told you you were 9w3d along was done on what day in September or October?

[ninasimone445]

At 8 weeks

[AnnieBrooke]

What day did you go in to get the ultrasound that measured you at 9 weeks 3 days?