Unsure of who my baby’s father is, help please!

[Aquadee11]

I recently got off depo provera birth control this year and my first period after that (March of this year) lasted about 10 days. I got my period April 11th. It ended April 15th. I then had unprotected sex with Guy A April 18th.. he says he didn’t finish inside... I started having sex (unprotected) with Guy B April 25,26,29,30 then May 2nd and 3rd. He also never finished inside. I missed my period but didn’t think much of it because I know getting off birth control can make your periods irregular sometimes. I took a test May 7th that came back negative... weeks later I had more symptoms and still no period. May 28th I got a positive pregnancy test. My first ultrasound was June 26th and my nurse gave me the due date of January 25th 2021.. saying baby was measuring at 9 weeks and 4 days at the time. Based off online conception calculators my conception date is May 4th and that would make it Guy B right? I’m 99% sure it’s his but I feel like there’s a small chance it could be Guy A... Guy B and I have developed a really great relationship and he’s so excited to be a dad, but it’s eating me up inside!!

[anonymous1949]

I am in a super similar situation! The dates between my one random sex encounter with one guy and my estimated conception is 17 whole days and I also had negative pregnancy tests 3-4 weeks after the one time sex. So while I know logically it is my boyfriends baby, the guilt of sleeping with someone else is totally driving me crazy! Despite all the facts anxiety can convince you that it's a lie.

I've decided to ease my mind, I'm going to collect a discrete sample from my boyfriend to get a prenatal paternity test JUST to confirm on paper what all the facts and logistics point to!  Congratulations though :)

[AnnieBrooke]

Hi, anonymous, this was sweet of you to write in to Aquadee. Your logic should rule your fears, but as you say, at the moment, you aren't heeding logic. And I did agree that you should test if you know your fears will be eased. But I should add, only test if you will believe the result. Women being run by a guilty conscience often write into this community who have tested and gotten good news and are looking right at the test results and they say "What if the test is ... WRONG!?!?!"

My thought from reading your post is that you won't do that, since you're already borderline on even needing reassurance (it almost sounded like it was a flip-a-coin situation even to test). But if you think there will still be doubt in your mind when your DNA test results come back, you might more profitably spend the money on time with a counselor, to talk about ways a guilty conscience can prey on the mind, and how to ignore that and deal with guilt. You can buy a lot of a counselor's time with the big bucks prenatal tests cost, and it might be more helpful in the long run than simply adding more data to the data you already have, which your fears will not let you see is enough. :-)

[anonymous1949]

You are 100% correct Annie. Thank you!!!!

[Aquadee11]

Thank you everyone for your responses/ feedback. We got a prenatal paternity test done and she is Guy B’s baby! All that worrying for nothing; but my mind is at ease now! & congrats and good luck to you anonymous1949 !

[AnnieBrooke]

Glad to hear that your data were confirmed. Take care of yourself and congratulations.

[anonymous1949]

So so happy for you! Congratulations, & enjoy the rest of your pregnancy!
& Thank you, I'll be having my test done in a few days to confirm as well. My therapist is helping some but agreed I should have the confirmation to further ease my mind.

[ppowb]

Everything points to this pregnancy starting with ovulation the first days of May. Be happy that your guy is supportive.

[AnnieBrooke]

Hi, why do you feel like there is a chance the baby is from guy A?

[AnnieBrooke]

Just trying to figure out what part of the data is making you think there is a question. Are you saying the distance between April 18 and May 4 is not long enough?

[Aquadee11]

Hello! I don’t really know how conception works and my grandmother didn’t help my anxiety with the situation claiming that anytime you have unprotected sex you can conceive. That’s the only reason really.

[Aquadee11]

I personally feel like it I did get pregnant from intercourse with Guy A I would’ve conceived before May and the first test I took on May 7th would have came back positive. But I’m no expert so I wanted to reach out on here and get other people’s input. I was embarrassed to talk about it with my nurse

[Aquadee11]

*if

[AnnieBrooke]

Grandma said any time you have unprotected sex, you can conceive. And that is "eating you up inside"? Just that one remark?

Neither your May 7 negative pregnancy test and nor your ultrasound results suggest that the sex on April 18th produced your pregnancy. While granny is correct that women don't always ovulate right in the middle of the month, it is clear from your ultrasound evidence, which is a real picture of the real baby, that you conceived more than two weeks later than the 18th.

Something that happens (and is seen often on this site) is that a pregnant woman with underlying concerns about something else can let her anxiety transfer to an unfounded fear of the wrong guy being the dad.  If that is what is happening, view it for what it is, displaced anxiety, and deal with the real reason you're anxious. Worrying about the wrong thing doesn't make anxiety go away, but addressing the real reason you're anxious will make baseless fears about who the dad is go away.

Grandma was probably just seizing the opportunity to waggle her finger and tell you that "pulling out" doesn't work as birth control, and trying to scare you into stopping doing such a thing in the future. Get a test for all the STDs and stop having unprotected sex with someone with whom you do not want a baby, and she'll be fine.