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Sex with two partners, who is the dad?
Hi,
The first day of my last period was Jan 28 - Feb 2. On feb 8,I had sex with guy 1 unprotected, he came inside me. The next day Feb 9 I had sex with guy 2. He pulled out but we did not use a condom. On Feb 14, I went to the gym and when I came back I had cramping and light bleeding for about 3 days. I didn’t have sex besides the dates on 9th and 10th, and supposedly ovulated the 10th. I went to my first ultra sound April 1st, and they said I was 7weeks 3 days along, which tracks back exactly to the 9th when me and guy 1 had sex.
Who is likely to be the dad? I know I probably should do a paternity test either way, but I’m just trying to put my mind at ease. I know it was wrong to be so reckless and I do feel awful.
What concerns me is how close the dates are and that I have been using the pull out method with guy 1 for years and we never had a scare, but he also has never came in me during or close to ovulation (but we have had sex and used the pull out method during this time). Guy 2 is fertile as he already has a son by someone else.
The ultra sound and also the time of implantation bleeding makes me feel safe in believing that it’s guy 1, but because there is no 100%, I am feeling stressed and depressed about the whole thing. I feel maybe exercise could have made the bleeding come early, and I’ve read that dates can be off by 1/2 days. In my situation, this makes a huge difference. Guy 1 wants it to be his and believes it is since he came in me but the other guy didn’t.
What are the odds that guy 2 can be the father?
The first day of my last period was Jan 28 - Feb 2. On feb 8,I had sex with guy 1 unprotected, he came inside me. The next day Feb 9 I had sex with guy 2. He pulled out but we did not use a condom. On Feb 14, I went to the gym and when I came back I had cramping and light bleeding for about 3 days. I didn’t have sex besides the dates on 9th and 10th, and supposedly ovulated the 10th. I went to my first ultra sound April 1st, and they said I was 7weeks 3 days along, which tracks back exactly to the 9th when me and guy 1 had sex.
Who is likely to be the dad? I know I probably should do a paternity test either way, but I’m just trying to put my mind at ease. I know it was wrong to be so reckless and I do feel awful.
What concerns me is how close the dates are and that I have been using the pull out method with guy 1 for years and we never had a scare, but he also has never came in me during or close to ovulation (but we have had sex and used the pull out method during this time). Guy 2 is fertile as he already has a son by someone else.
The ultra sound and also the time of implantation bleeding makes me feel safe in believing that it’s guy 1, but because there is no 100%, I am feeling stressed and depressed about the whole thing. I feel maybe exercise could have made the bleeding come early, and I’ve read that dates can be off by 1/2 days. In my situation, this makes a huge difference. Guy 1 wants it to be his and believes it is since he came in me but the other guy didn’t.
What are the odds that guy 2 can be the father?
If your ultrasound was by gestational age count (which almost all places use this) it would’ve put your conception later on in February. Making both the 9th and 10th encounter seem to be out of that window. Did you have intercourse later on in February other than those two dates you specified?
Since you had sex with the two partners only separated by one day, you can't use that timing to determine who is most likely the dad. It's too close. The odds are tipped in the favor of the first guy, who ejaculated in you without protection, over the guy who did not ejaculate, still with no protection.
1 Comments
RockRose, thanks for writing in. For sure, if the eventful time period where she had sex with two partners is indeed the time period when she got pregnant, she can't use timing to decide who's most likely the dad. What we're trying to figure out is whether that was really the time period that produced the pregnancy. She can determine this if she can get at her ultrasound record or get the clinic to tell her what they determined her GA was when she was there, and she can determine it with a DNA test. There's a chance, based on some of the info she has, that she got pregnant a couple of weeks later than the fateful two days. If so, she wouldn't have to stress about this splitting-the-two-day-difference problem, the dad would just be the one she had sex with two weeks later. That's what all the speculation above is about -- how to try to find out what the tech meant when the tech used an unusual way of counting to tell her something about her dates.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Hi, if you read the first post on this forum, you'll find a list of things to do to try to determine who is the dad, one of them being getting an ultrasound early in the pregnancy, which you've done. But I'm confused by something you said. You said, "I went to my first ultra sound April 1st, and they said I was 7weeks 3 days along, which tracks back exactly to the 9th when me and guy 1 had sex." Did they say you were 7 weeks 3 days "along" or 7 weeks 3 days since conception? Because usually a count of pregnancy weeks given by a doctor begins on the first day of the woman's last period, not on the date of conception.
12 Comments
The technicians exact words were the baby was 7 weeks and 3 days, this is my first pregnancy so I’m sorry if I’m misusing the phrases. Because of the situation, I immediately backtracked on the calendar and it lead me to February 8th. She did ask for the first day of my last period first
Were you given an estimated due date?
11/4/2021
OK, well, that points to February 11 as the ovulation date, and to January 28 as the first day of your last period, but because it points to the exact first day of your last period that you had already told the tech, it's possible your due date was not given to you from your ultrasound results. (Sometimes a doctor will pull out a little cardboard wheel and set it on the first day of your last period and turn it and look at the date nine months later that it suggests, and then inform you that you are x weeks 'pregnant', which doesn't use the baby's measurements in the ultrasound to figure anything out.)
The puzzle is the tech saying you were 7 weeks 3 days along. A count in weeks given to a pregnant woman at the doctor's office uses the medical way of counting out of the pregnancy time period, which begins on the first day of the woman's last period, anticipates ovulation as having been two weeks later and then continues to full-term delivery. That's the "gestational age" or "GA." All pregnancy timelines and milestones given by a medical person, textbook, ultrasound, or even "What to Expect When You're Expecting" are calibrated to use the GA count. On April 1, you would have been at 9 weeks GA, and the baby would have been about 7 weeks from conception. A medical person saying something in weeks is not usually talking about when the baby was conceived, except if the woman asks specifically using the word "ovulated" or "conceived." Did the ultrasound tech say this to you in response to you asking when you might have conceived? If so, it makes more sense. But someone there should have told you that you were at 9 weeks 0 days pregnant, too.
Anyway, if you came out of the appointment on April 1 having been told your due date is November 4, it sounds like the time period when you had sex with the two guys very close together is the correct time period. That means the only way to guess which guy might have the better chance of being the dad is that one ejaculated and one didn't. Unfortunately for that idea, 'pulling out' doesn't prevent pregnancy because sometimes guys have sperm in their pre-ejaculatory fluid (available any time he's got an erection). I like that your first guy is pretty sure it's his -- sometimes intuition is correct. But the only way to know for sure before the baby comes is to do a prenatal DNA test with Ravgen or the DDC.
The puzzle is the tech saying you were 7 weeks 3 days along. A count in weeks given to a pregnant woman at the doctor's office uses the medical way of counting out of the pregnancy time period, which begins on the first day of the woman's last period, anticipates ovulation as having been two weeks later and then continues to full-term delivery. That's the "gestational age" or "GA." All pregnancy timelines and milestones given by a medical person, textbook, ultrasound, or even "What to Expect When You're Expecting" are calibrated to use the GA count. On April 1, you would have been at 9 weeks GA, and the baby would have been about 7 weeks from conception. A medical person saying something in weeks is not usually talking about when the baby was conceived, except if the woman asks specifically using the word "ovulated" or "conceived." Did the ultrasound tech say this to you in response to you asking when you might have conceived? If so, it makes more sense. But someone there should have told you that you were at 9 weeks 0 days pregnant, too.
Anyway, if you came out of the appointment on April 1 having been told your due date is November 4, it sounds like the time period when you had sex with the two guys very close together is the correct time period. That means the only way to guess which guy might have the better chance of being the dad is that one ejaculated and one didn't. Unfortunately for that idea, 'pulling out' doesn't prevent pregnancy because sometimes guys have sperm in their pre-ejaculatory fluid (available any time he's got an erection). I like that your first guy is pretty sure it's his -- sometimes intuition is correct. But the only way to know for sure before the baby comes is to do a prenatal DNA test with Ravgen or the DDC.
(I recommend those two labs because I've heard of inaccuracies from other labs, but if you have the opportunity to research results of prenatal DNA labs, you might find others with good ratings as well.)
I figured. And no, no one told me I was actually 9 weeks, in fact, when I went (it was a planned parenthood) I asked about the medical abortion because this was weighing on my mind. They showed me a form that said at 7 weeks the pill would be 97% effective or something like that, I did not go with this option but I do remember they never said anything about me being 9 weeks. I know it had to be either those two dates because that was the only time I had sex in between my initial period and the implantation, I didn’t have sex again until late feb (I think the 28 or 27).
Either way, thank you for your time and answers.
Either way, thank you for your time and answers.
Well, *if* (and this is a big 'if' considering when your period came, unless your cycles are really long) anyway *if* the tech was actually using the GA count when she said 7w3d, you would have gotten pregnant around the 22nd of February. Given that you say you didn't have sex until 6 days after that, probably the tech wasn't giving you a GA count. And again, they wouldn't have said November 4 as a due date if you got pregs on the 22nd. (It would have been more like November 15). Maybe because it was at Planned Parenthood, where they deal with a whole lot of girls who aren't well versed on birth control and pregnancy, they have given up using the medical parlance of GA counts, because they are so confusing. (I mean, who ever would think they are pregnant in two weeks between day 1 of bleeding and ovulation? But that is how the GA is counted. Week 1 and week 2, you aren't actually pregnant yet.)
As noted in the sticky at the top of this community, you can get DNA tests done after the baby is born for a pretty reasonable fee, and you can also get a DNA test done before the baby is born for a fee that's pretty enormous. In a fair world, both of the guys and the woman would split the cost in thirds and do the DNA test before the baby comes, so everyone would know as soon as possible what to expect and who the dad is. (I don't hear of a lot of people who are that civilized, unfortunately.) At least you're not in the position of some women who write in, which is, having to hide the problem from the guy who matters most to them (like, hide the illicit fling from her husband while constantly worrying over who is the father). THAT is the road to massive stress. If you can, see if you can put together the money to do a prenatal test. Otherwise, there is genuinely no way to know until you do a DNA test after the baby comes. Don't forget to test with both guys.
As noted in the sticky at the top of this community, you can get DNA tests done after the baby is born for a pretty reasonable fee, and you can also get a DNA test done before the baby is born for a fee that's pretty enormous. In a fair world, both of the guys and the woman would split the cost in thirds and do the DNA test before the baby comes, so everyone would know as soon as possible what to expect and who the dad is. (I don't hear of a lot of people who are that civilized, unfortunately.) At least you're not in the position of some women who write in, which is, having to hide the problem from the guy who matters most to them (like, hide the illicit fling from her husband while constantly worrying over who is the father). THAT is the road to massive stress. If you can, see if you can put together the money to do a prenatal test. Otherwise, there is genuinely no way to know until you do a DNA test after the baby comes. Don't forget to test with both guys.
I will add, here is from Planned Parenthood's website.
..."Because pregnancy is measured from the first day of your last menstrual period — about 3-4 weeks before you’re actually pregnant — a full-term pregnancy usually totals about 40 weeks from LMP — roughly 10 months.
"Many people don’t remember exactly when they started their last menstrual period — that’s OK. The surest way to find out gestational age early in pregnancy is with an ultrasound."
This does lead me to wonder again what was the tech telling you? If she was telling you the gestational age, the sex at the end of the month could actually have been what produced the baby.
I don't think it is entirely conclusive that what you think was "implantation bleeding" really was. Implantation bleeding is more of an Internet myth than a real thing, and what you had could have been breakthrough bleeding. That would suggest ovulation was still upcoming.
..."Because pregnancy is measured from the first day of your last menstrual period — about 3-4 weeks before you’re actually pregnant — a full-term pregnancy usually totals about 40 weeks from LMP — roughly 10 months.
"Many people don’t remember exactly when they started their last menstrual period — that’s OK. The surest way to find out gestational age early in pregnancy is with an ultrasound."
This does lead me to wonder again what was the tech telling you? If she was telling you the gestational age, the sex at the end of the month could actually have been what produced the baby.
I don't think it is entirely conclusive that what you think was "implantation bleeding" really was. Implantation bleeding is more of an Internet myth than a real thing, and what you had could have been breakthrough bleeding. That would suggest ovulation was still upcoming.
I'm wondering if what happened was that the tech asked when your last period was, and you said the 28th, and she said, "Hm! Well, the baby's size says you're 7 weeks 3 weeks along." Meaning, this didn't jibe with your last obvious period. (Which isn't actually unusual. In a conversation like that, she would have been saying the baby was at about 5 weeks 3 days development.) Do you have a photo from that ultrasound that gives some numbers along the side, like GA? Also, was the guy you had sex with at the end of the month Guy 1?
I didn’t take home a photo from that ultrasound unfortunately, but I do think maybe they gave me fetal age instead of GA. (Maybe the pill also goes by fetal age? It’s confusing to me, too) I think this because I took my first positive test (two bold lines, not faint) on March 10, and if what you’re saying is correct that the pregnancy happened from the sex on the 27, then it would have been too early for such a positive. I think the only way to know for sure is with a DNA test; i just would have more peace of mind of course if the dates were a little bit far apart than 24 hours, but it is what it is now. I am hopeful that if it was fetal age from the date of conception, that the fact that it leads up to the exact day of the 8th points to it being the guy I want it to be. I appreciate and truly grateful for all your answers and detailed information.
Evidence on the side of the woman's comment being about fetal age is if she said it "your baby is x weeks" not "according to your baby's measurements, your pregnancy is x weeks." And, the due date they gave you.
What's on the side of her comment being about gestational age is that Planned Parenthood seems to use gestational age (as does every other medical person and institution), and the fact that if they were using GA according to your last period, *someone* should have told you that you were just entering your 9th week, and nobody did.
(Regarding the pregnancy test, a pregnancy test can come up positive 8 days after conception, so it doesn't rule out anything or rule in anything.)
Anyway, only a DNA test will tell you what you need to know now. I'm hoping guy #1's intuition is correct.
What's on the side of her comment being about gestational age is that Planned Parenthood seems to use gestational age (as does every other medical person and institution), and the fact that if they were using GA according to your last period, *someone* should have told you that you were just entering your 9th week, and nobody did.
(Regarding the pregnancy test, a pregnancy test can come up positive 8 days after conception, so it doesn't rule out anything or rule in anything.)
Anyway, only a DNA test will tell you what you need to know now. I'm hoping guy #1's intuition is correct.
You'll possibly get more input when you go to the ob/gyn and get another ultrasound, but don't expect total answers, because ultrasounds get less accurate for trying to determine when conception was as the pregnancy progresses, since babies grow at different rates. By the time you're even at 12 weeks (GA), the doctor will say "plus or minus a week" if asked when conception was based on the ultrasound, and by your 40th week, your baby's measurements are considered +/- 3 weeks, if someone was to try to use them to determine when conception occurred. You aren't going to be able to split hairs about sex one day apart. (In fact, you can't even do that with a 7th-week ultrasound.)
Best wishes that everything turns out the way you want.
Best wishes that everything turns out the way you want.
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