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Is she pregnant or not?

Ok so I was seeing this girl on and off for months,  she wanted to be together but I ultimately decided that that's not what I wanted. Anyways one night she asked to meet up at this bar so we could hang out and see if we could give it one last chance before she gives this other guy a chance who she said asked her ouy. Well we ended up coming home and having unprotected sex in which I did *** inside her, she claimed she was on birth control. Anyways a few days later I told her ultimately it wasn't going to work and she should give this other guy a shot. She wasn't happy about this. Anyways we barely talked for a while then about 10 days after sex she texts me taking about random stuff then after a couple hours she says oh and I think I might be pregnant FML. I already suffer from anxiety so needless to say this had me freaking out. She said she wasn't due to get her period until 4 days from then and says the day we had sex was the day she started ovulating. She said she thought she was pregnant because of spotting aj d something about reading some of the symptoms she was having were early signs. So she said she took 2 pregnancy tests,  the 2nd being at 10 days after sex and they were negative but told me it could be a false negative and to wait 4 days to see if she got her period. So I felt a little better and then got a Snapchat of her drinking wine so assumed I was in the clear, anyways she messages me a couple days later after we didn't talk for those few days and said oh by the way I think we're good then proceeds to talk about random stuff. So I figured after that no more worried. Wrong, I saw her at the bar on Saturday night and she was being belligerent and calling a friend we were with a very derogatory name, then proceeded to show up at my house at 3 AM and begin banging on the door, she refused to leave after 20 minutes unless I came out and talked to her and so I cracked open the door to outside and talk to her and she and 2 friends barged in the door and began being belligerent which caused 2 friends of mine that are female to begin fighting while me and another friend tried breaking it up.  So she messages me the next day and claims one of those girls broke her thumb and saying other belligerent things.  Then calms down and says she is going to get a splint put on and I stopped responding to her after a while, this is on the Sunday she claimed a while back she was supposed to start her period but didn't say anything of it. Anyways we don't talk for for a few days until Thursday night around 11 she texts me and says I went to the doctor today by the way..... So obviously my heart dropped. And then proceeded to tell me how she is going to take care of it (meaning abortion) and saying she could neve4 want to have a kid with me and all this. I asked her why Iit took so long after her missed period (Sunday) for her to tell me about this (Thursday) she said when the doctor went to give he4 an xray he asked if she might be pregnant and said she didn't know so they gave her a test. But when I asked her why didn't give her a test on Sunday when they did the first xray and put the splint on? And she said they must have forgot.  So I said fine well send me a picture of the results and she said the doctor didn't give her any but she can email him and ask him for some.  So obviously I'm frustrated as can be because I have major anxiety, and she has been known to do some things in her past relationships from what I heard but never anything like this.  So anyways after a few more days of not talking she posts a tweet saying something like "have to make a decision between my beliefs and what I know is best for me in the long run" I'm assuming referring to abortion. So I can't tell if this girl is just messing with me or If she really is pregnant. Just kind of wanting to hear some feedback from others. Sorry this was so long.
2 Responses
134578 tn?1517087675
COMMUNITY LEADER
She's messing with you. All she has to do is yank your string and you vibrate for days. If she is pregnant (a big if), there is no proof it is from the sex with you.

This is one of the better reasons to see a good therapist who specializes in anxiety management. (If you have been seeing one, find a better one. You do not have to have "major anxiety" with all the good help that is out there.) You need to learn some tools to desensitize yourself, or you will always be someone's pawn. Don't just wring your hands and say "alas, I have Major Anxiety so of course I take this hard," get your life back and take back your power. People like her will not be able to manipulate you, and you will probably also make better choices about who to hang around with in the first place.

I am not saying she is not pregnant, but I am saying treat everything she says skeptically. If she had gotten pregnant from the sex with you, as you note, she would probably have mentioned it earlier and not through an oblique reference in social media. She has not been sleeping only with you, this might explain the obliqueness of the reference -- the dates might point to someone else. In this situation, all you are obliged to do is to take a legally approved DNA test when the baby is born. You are definitely not required to lose sleep over it mere days after the sex.
3 Comments
I don't want you to think I'm unsympathetic to a sufferer from anxiety. It's just that there comes a time in every diagnosis where one moves (though one would hope the person does not stay there very long) from finding out what the problem is, to using it as an excuse. (As in, "no wonder I'm worried, I have major anxiety.") Then you have to move out of the using-my-health-issue-as-an-excuse phase and get serious and get going on getting rid of the problem. It is possible with good instructions from a therapist to work actively to fix anxiety issues. Or you can give in to them and they get stronger and stronger. Your brain is playing a bigger con on you than that girl is, if you haven't learned to talk back to the fake scare messages it's putting on you. If a pregnancy scare is not a good time to work on anxiety issues, there is no time that is. Don't wring your hands and feel sorry for yourself, it is a colossal waste of your potential. I wish you well, anxiety is a *****. But it is so solvable. Good luck!
Thank you for the feedback, there are so many red flags but then at the same time there are a couple parts of her story that are so detailed it makes me wonder. I can't figure it out and it's like a dark cloud over my daily life. And yes I know I need to seek help with my anxiety, I take medicine but have recently reached out to a few professionals to maybe meet with someone and talk it out.
Better to talk it out than to just reach for the meds, we don't solve wrong thinking with a pill. I was on a light dose of anti-anxiety medication for a long time for panic attacks when driving on freeways, but talk therapy took care of that particular phobia very quickly once I finally did it. There are good specialists in treating anxiety; ask your regular doctor for a referral. Trust their approach and listen to what they say and you should get control over this. Also, please exercise. It tests better against out-of-control anxiety than meds do.
134578 tn?1517087675
COMMUNITY LEADER
You said "I can't figure it out and it's like a dark cloud over my daily life." Why? when she hasn't even come to you and said you have anything to be dark-clouded about? I see no reason to be a drama king over someone who is not all that stable, you don't know the story of what might be going on with her body, the baby is not likely to be from you if she's really pregnant (or she would be on the phone telling you so every day), and for heaven's sake, the world needs your energy. Move on making your life important and finding something fun to do.
4 Comments
Well last Thursday is when she claims she took that test at the doctor because he asked before giving an xray and she claimed it was positive, so that's why I've been freaking out. She hasn't really said much since just a few cryptic tweets
You have been freaking out because this happened on a Thursday?

Seriously, knowing what you know about her and her dramatic tendencies, do you really think she would not have said something direct if she was really pregnant and thought the baby was from you? She doesn't sound like a shy violet.

Save your freakage for when you really have a problem, don't invent one in advance and spend psychic energy on it. Use that for yourself. Be dignified, be ready to offer a DNA test, do not hesitate to ask her for a copy of the paperwork from the doctor. Write if you get an ultrasound that lists an estimated due date and we can figure out if it even puts you in the range. But don't waste your time going into uproar now. It is NOT WORTH IT. Take a break, go fishing, have some fun. Don't be doing this kind of stuff.
No it's not because it was on a Thursday, I don't know where you got that from. If she is pregnant id say odds are it is mine. My point is I'm trying to figure out if she actually is or not, it's easy to say go do this or that to take my kind off of it but I cannot get mymyself to do that right now. She hasn't said a word to me in days only posted a couple tweets. I appreciate your help but it's a lot easier said than done
Keep in mind, this is not a shy girl. If she thought you were the dad she would reach out to you and say so.
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