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Paternity question
Need some help:
I found out I was pregnant in February. I had sex with my partner all of January unprotected on the 13, 14, 17, 18., where he came inside me. I made the biggest mistake of my life on January 21 and had sex with someone I barely even knew when I was drunk and not thinking straight, he pulled out, (I do however know you can get pregnant from precum) however he did not ejaculate prior to this and peed before hand. My periods are usually 35-38 days long. I was tracking my cycle, and according to my data I should have ovulated around the 17-18. I had my first ultrasound when I was 7 wks 2 days pregnant and it said I was due on October 11. I had another ultrasound when I was 18 wks 3 days and it also said due October 11. When using the conception calculator it says I should have ovulated between the 17-18, do you think this is accurate information? I am freaking out, and need to stop stressing during this pregnancy. I have not been able to sleep or eat. I am sure DNA test is needed but I really don't want to have to keep worrying. If anyone has insight it would be greatly appreciated.
I found out I was pregnant in February. I had sex with my partner all of January unprotected on the 13, 14, 17, 18., where he came inside me. I made the biggest mistake of my life on January 21 and had sex with someone I barely even knew when I was drunk and not thinking straight, he pulled out, (I do however know you can get pregnant from precum) however he did not ejaculate prior to this and peed before hand. My periods are usually 35-38 days long. I was tracking my cycle, and according to my data I should have ovulated around the 17-18. I had my first ultrasound when I was 7 wks 2 days pregnant and it said I was due on October 11. I had another ultrasound when I was 18 wks 3 days and it also said due October 11. When using the conception calculator it says I should have ovulated between the 17-18, do you think this is accurate information? I am freaking out, and need to stop stressing during this pregnancy. I have not been able to sleep or eat. I am sure DNA test is needed but I really don't want to have to keep worrying. If anyone has insight it would be greatly appreciated.
COMMUNITY LEADER
I'd trust the early ultrasound and its follow-up; it sounds like you got pregnant just before having the sex with the wrong guy. (Good thing you didn't have sex with the wrong guy just before, instead of just after, the date it sounds like you got pregnant.) Get a DNA test with Mr. Wrong once the baby is born so you won't worry about this your whole life, but it sounds like with your 7w2d ultrasound saying you were due October 11, you ovulated around the 18th of January.
Regarding freaking out such that you can't eat or sleep, even if the baby weren't from your partner, that is awfully self-indulgent behavior when you're carrying a baby. I take it you never had to deal with an ambiguous situation that is serious and in which you felt culpable, before? Dumping a load of stress on, and not eating, and moaning and flagellating yourself doesn't make it better. Who the baby's father is, is already set in stone. There are only two possible realities, one that the baby came from Mr. Wrong and the other that the baby came from Mr. Right, you moaning and being anxious will not change the baby's DNA. A mommy's duty is to protect and nurture her child, there is no excuse for not eating and sleeping. You may have worries for yourself and your relationship with your boyfriend, but your largest duty from now until the day you die is to your child. It overrides all concerns, even this concern. And given that it looks like Mr. Wrong was three days too late to be the dad, working yourself into a frazzle is a massive waste of your emotional energy, too.
I get that you wish the doubt would go away and wish the event would have gone away. But the event happened, and you've done everything you can in terms of medical evidence short of a prenatal DNA test to let the doubt go away. So, either get a prenatal test from Ravgen or the DDC (with both guys if you can) or just pull up your socks and take care of yourself. Your life won't end if your worst fears are realized, there are women in the Infertility and Miscarriages communities who would trade places with you right now in a heartbeat even with not knowing. And it looks like your fears aren't going to be realized. So get some sleep and get something to eat. If you just can't cope with the ambiguity even realizing all of this, see a therapist. It can do a world of good just to talk things over with a trained person.
Regarding freaking out such that you can't eat or sleep, even if the baby weren't from your partner, that is awfully self-indulgent behavior when you're carrying a baby. I take it you never had to deal with an ambiguous situation that is serious and in which you felt culpable, before? Dumping a load of stress on, and not eating, and moaning and flagellating yourself doesn't make it better. Who the baby's father is, is already set in stone. There are only two possible realities, one that the baby came from Mr. Wrong and the other that the baby came from Mr. Right, you moaning and being anxious will not change the baby's DNA. A mommy's duty is to protect and nurture her child, there is no excuse for not eating and sleeping. You may have worries for yourself and your relationship with your boyfriend, but your largest duty from now until the day you die is to your child. It overrides all concerns, even this concern. And given that it looks like Mr. Wrong was three days too late to be the dad, working yourself into a frazzle is a massive waste of your emotional energy, too.
I get that you wish the doubt would go away and wish the event would have gone away. But the event happened, and you've done everything you can in terms of medical evidence short of a prenatal DNA test to let the doubt go away. So, either get a prenatal test from Ravgen or the DDC (with both guys if you can) or just pull up your socks and take care of yourself. Your life won't end if your worst fears are realized, there are women in the Infertility and Miscarriages communities who would trade places with you right now in a heartbeat even with not knowing. And it looks like your fears aren't going to be realized. So get some sleep and get something to eat. If you just can't cope with the ambiguity even realizing all of this, see a therapist. It can do a world of good just to talk things over with a trained person.
8 Comments
Thank you! This really makes me feel better! I have felt the entire time it is from mr right but the unknown has been killing me. But you're right I can't let the stress bother me because I have this sweet baby coming! We find out tomorow if it's a boy or girl! I thought about prenatal testing but it's too expensive and I don't want to spend the money I don't have, I will wait until baby is born! Thank you again for your help and advice! I see you help a lot people in this situation and your insights always seem right!
Well, "I can't let the stress bother me" wasn't what I was trying to get you to here, I was more saying don't stress in the first place. (Not "stress but try to ignore it." That's just a road to more stress.) Your baby's genetic makeup is what it is, whether you cry and wring your hands or go take a nap will not change who the father is. Stressing over it is a waste of time, it's not going to change things.
Assume your test results are correct and test when the baby is born just to be sure. In the meantime, move on with your life and your plans. No point in tying yourself into knots over something that can't be changed and can't be confirmed for a while.
Assume your test results are correct and test when the baby is born just to be sure. In the meantime, move on with your life and your plans. No point in tying yourself into knots over something that can't be changed and can't be confirmed for a while.
We found out it's a girl! Thanks again for the help
A girl also tends to confirm that you didn't get the pregnancy from the sex with Mr. Wrong (see theory behind the Shettles method). Sounds like you can move forward confident that all is well.
I did read about that! Which made me feel even better. Thanks for all your help!
When I originally posted I was wrong my first ultrasound date was 8 wks 0 days does this make any difference? The first apt I went to I would have been 7 wks 2 days. Thanks again for all your help!
I was using the May 11 date for doing calculations. Unless you are saying that number was not what the doctor said, nothing is different if your ultrasound was 5 days later.
Ok good that is what the dr said both times. Thanks again
Also, my last period was December 24-26. I also had some brownish discharge/ spotting in January on the 23-25.
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