Very confused about my conception

[ranipadma]

My due date given in sonography was 2nd August. I had a induced labour and dilivered the baby on 19th July. Prior to that whenever I use to feel like labour pain I had painkillers (one each day) as I do not wanted to have baby early. Can someone please tell me the tentative period/ dates of my possible conception?? I am having very irregular periods.

Man 1 - Oct 6,7,8
Man 2 - Oct 29 onwards

[AnnieBrooke]

How early in the pregnancy did you have your due date given to you by sonography? Did that date ever change as your pregnancy progressed? (I don't mean because of the early birth.)  Did the doctor or pediatrician confirm that the baby was born two weeks early?

If the due date of August 2 was accurate, your assumed date of conception would have been November 9. And if your cycles were super regular (which of course you have said they are not), your first day of last period would have been October 26. On the face of it, this all suggests Man 1 could not have been the father.

I assume you are concerned because the baby was born earlier than expected? Did any doctor who examined the baby suggest something different than that you delivered about two weeks earlier than expected? (Such as, did someone say the baby seemed full term?) Unless your sonogram was really inaccurate, it just doesn't sound like the baby was born early enough to suggest Man 1.

[AnnieBrooke]

I should add, I was writing on the assumption that you are concerned about the paternity of the baby that was born on July 19, and that you had sex the prior October (I assume 2016) and that is what you are concerned about in regard to the baby  born (the following( July. However, because you didn't name years, and just said July and October, I can see that it is just possible your post could have been written to discuss a baby you had in the summer after which your cycles became irregular, and then you got pregnant in the following October or November (after the baby was born) and are pregnant now (and the only reason you mentioned the baby is to point out that your cycles became irregular after its birth). If that is the case, write back, because my answer does not address that scenario.

[ranipadma]

Thank you so much for the reply, at the moment I am very tensed.
Yes my concern is about the paternity of the baby born who is already 6 months old now.

During my first sonography and all the subsequent sonographies the date did not change from 2 August, 2016. I had already forgiven myself in life and moved on trying to be more loving to my family. Believing that only love can bring back my family. Issue has recently arised because now my baby is 6 months plus and when I look at my baby I often see Man-1 in him.

Once again I will give the dates

Oct, 2016 - 6,7,8 - Man 1. On 23rd I had bleeding which was less than regular.

Nov 1 onwards, 2016 - Man 2.

Around  December 1st week (10/12) I did my first sonography which said I am 7 weeks pregnant. I must have had around 4/5 sonographies and my dates remained the same i.e 2nd August. In my last sonography I asked the doctor if there is any possibility that this baby was conceived a month prior to which she replied - No.

But I was so depressed during the last trimester esp the 9th month that I had 1 painkiller every night not to deliver the baby early (I know this is crazy and has no logic may be but I did this)

Looking at my condition everybody suggested me of inducing labour which was done on 19, July and baby was born. I wanted to move on with Man 2 and kids until I look at the new born and he reminds me of Man 1...****!! is there any possibility that Man 1 is the father because my periods were very irregular and the last assured one I has on Sept - 22. Please help

[ranipadma]

Oct 23rd I had my periods which lasted for 3 days - less than usual.

[AnnieBrooke]

You are letting your guilty conscience run the show. This baby was not conceived a month earlier, listen to your doctor. See a counselor, therapist, or mental-health specialist if you cannot get past the guilt.

[ranipadma]

Thank you so much for the support. I will wait for the baby to turn like man-2 else the theory which says YOUR BABY CAN LOOK LIKE YOUR X -  will come true. I intend to forgive myself with this lessons learned and move on if the baby is with Man-2. My family survives. If its the other way round my conscience will give me everyday reminder of my sins...which is happening currently. Thank you so much for listening, I am happy that I could share

[AnnieBrooke]

It is common for women in your situation to imagine that the wrong person is the dad even when the dates and the doctors prove it cannot be true, because they feel so guilty. Please speak to someone who is a mental-health professional to ease your mind.

[ranipadma]

Thank you Annie. I am talking to a therapist now. If asked, what would be you one piece of advice for me. I feel extremely low every single day

[AnnieBrooke]

Well, my advice would be to be sure you are not suffering from post-partum depression, first of all. (There is even a very serious problem called post-partum psychosis, but you don't sound like that.)

With the therapist, figure out what is really bothering you and to discuss that problem, don't go on and on about who the baby's dad is when you have no medical reason to think the baby is from the wrong man.

Something is bothering you to the point that you prefer to set up a false theory about the baby's paternity as an explanation of why you feel low.
But the baby's paternity is not in question because the dates and medical evidence prove that it is not.

So, talk to the therapist about griefs and regrets in your life, focusing on the biggest ones even if they seem dangerous to admit to yourself, or forbidden, or you are ashamed of them.

When someone invents, in the face of doctor's evidence to the contrary, the delusion that her baby is from the wrong man, it is usually a signal that what is really bothering her is something she feels so terrible about that it's actually easier to worry about the baby's paternity. Do your best to identify that thing, and talk it over with the therapist, and your worries will ease. Your therapist will be a big help. Good luck!

[ranipadma]

big help thank you. After reading your answers I will definitely try to talk it out with therapist.