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DNA / Paternity Community
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Avatar universal

Who is the father?! Please help me

So I think I might be pregnant with another mans child. On October 3rd, I had drunk car sex with a guy I hardly knew  and he was drunk too. He told me he pulled out and he was certain he did. I was so gone. But I felt really guilty about it and wanted to tell my boyfriend. But I didn't because I love him to death and I made a big mistake. So I got my period October 15th which lasted about 3 days which is somewhat normal. So when I had my period I thought "Yes!! Thank you god!!" And continued to be happy with my boyfriend. So my bf and I had sex and he came in me around the 20th and I thought "no biggie, it's impossible to get pregnant after your period. So I left it at that and we continued to be a happy couple until I missed my period the next month in November. I waited five days for my period to come and still nothing so November 20th I took a home test and it came out positive. I panicked and I remembered my drunken night so I made an emergency appointment to a free ultrasound clinic to see how far along I was. The nurse said I was 5 weeks and some days pregnant. Basing it off of my last period. she said it looked like how it's suppose to. She called it the "engagement ring stage" where it's the yolk sac and the tiny little embryo attached at the top. I told her my story and how afraid I was that it would be the other guys and she said to relax that it's my boyfriends. BUT I haven't been relaxing I've been freaking my self out more and more each week. She made me an appointment to see her again on December 8th where she took measurements and I heard the heart beat. She said I was 7 weeks and 1 day. BUT I take a closer look at the top of the picture of that ultrasound and it said 9 weeks and 1 day. Could this nurse be mistaken? Because I would have conceived the 6th of October and every one knows sperm lives in the body for a week tops. So it would have been that other guys baby. So now I'm freaking out even more and I go to my first OB appointment on the 21st of January and she said I was 14 weeks along again judging on my last period. And doing the calculations on the calendar, if it was with the other guy I would be 16 weeks. Idk what to do. I cry so much and I want to tell my boyfriend but I don't want to stress him out especially if it IS his. he's so happy and he works so hard everyday and I feel like a piece of crap. I'm so confused!!!  Please help me I can't live with the guilt. My pregnancy feels like a guessing game and I try to call my OB doctor but I can never get ahold of her. I am now 17 weeks pregnant.  
8 Responses
134578 tn?1578157483
COMMUNITY LEADER
Hi, do you have the exact information from the emergency appointment at the free ultrasound clinic, when you were in your fifth week?  Exactly how many weeks and how many days pregnant did they say you were?  And what exact date (calendar date, like February 1) was that?

Do you know the difference between how a doctor or nurse counts pregnancy out, and how you or I might think it's done?  They begin the count from the first day of your last period.  That is not because they think you got pregs on the first day of your last period, it's because that is historically how it was done, in the days before the use of ultrasounds.  They didn't know when conception was, but they did know when the woman's last period came, so they would count from that day, knowing that the first two weeks of such a "pregnancy," the woman isn't actually pregnant yet.  This kind of counting (called gestational age, or GA) is still done, even though with an ultrasound they can give a much better guess as to when conception happened.  They just add a margin of two weeks backward in time from when the embryo began, to start the count.

Possibly when the nurse was talking to you about 7 weeks 1 day and you assume you saw 9 weeks 1 day on the ultrasound screen, she was trying to translate from the medical way of counting (which confuses everyone, even women without a guilty conscience) to the way an average person would think of pregnancy as starting with conception.

It would be helpful to have more exact info about the first ultrasound appointment, when you were in your fifth week (but when was it?)  Let me know.
Avatar universal
My emergency appointment was Monday On the 24th of November. I had to make an appointment as soon as possible. I've read that there still a possibility of getting pregnant even using the pull out method and I've also read that women can still have a period and be pregnant. So I'm just a confused ball of emotional mess. I seriously think about this every single day and I've read that I can do DNA testing while pregnant but I could never ask my boyfriend to do that...especially how much it will cost. But any way I'm almost certain she said 5 weeks and 4 days but I can try calling the clinic tomorrow morning and ask if they still have any information on my last visits.
Avatar universal
I was so serious about that first ultra sound that I had told the nurse..."if it's in any way a possibility that it might be the other guy's I wouldn't go on with the pregnancy" as harsh as it sounded and how badly it broke my heart. I would have done so to avoid future problems such as this. The shame I would put on myself and my boyfriend of 5 years. The heart ache he and I would endure and the fact that I would be having a strangers baby and not the man I truly love. I made a big mistake and I am certainly paying everything for it. I don't sleep, I hardly focus on anything else besides this. I'm constantly talking about it with my sister. (She's the only one that knows) so much she gets annoyed and angry. thank god I found this website. I read it religiously hoping some one would answer me. To terminate this pregnancy is in no way near my mind but it will help me know what my next step will be.
134578 tn?1578157483
COMMUNITY LEADER
If the 5 weeks 4 days count is correct, and it was done on November 24, you would not have conceived anywhere near the day of the drunken sex.  You should call the clinic and get the information from the ultrasound report, it might go a long way to ease your mind.
Avatar universal
I just got off the phone with the nurse and she told me 5 weeks and four days. The embryo was incredibly small and there wasn't any flickering of the heart visible yet. There was the little sac next to it which was way bigger than the embryo itself. She said it was really early in the pregnancy. Knowing this puts my mind at ease but could it have been possible to get pregnant only a few days after my period? That night my boyfriend ejaculated in me, usually when I get up it leaks out. This time it didn't. Do you think this was the night I conceived?  
Avatar universal
And do you think it's my boyfriends? Judging on how early along I was?
134578 tn?1578157483
COMMUNITY LEADER
If the 5 weeks 4 days count is correct, and the ultrasound giving you that measurement was done on November 24, you would not have conceived anywhere near the day of the drunken sex.  You would have conceived around October 30.  That is 4 weeks later than October 3, the embryo would have looked radically different.  No ultrasound tech would confuse an embryo that had its start October 3-8 for one that was conceived 22 - 27 days later.
Avatar universal
Yes I'm  forsure that was the measurements I felt too determined to make sure i knew how old this baby was. And I was mistaken about the night I think I got pregnant by my boyfriend. It was actually around the 27th or 28th of October because I remember I had gone to his house after the weekend I went out to a Halloween party that he was angry that I had gone. And he and I had make up sex when he ejaculated in me. But what confuses me still is the fact that I saw 9weeks in the picture of the ultrasound when the nurse told me I was 7.
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