Aa
Conception question! Do I need a test?
So due to ovarian cysts the past year, I've been on and off Nuvaring and had irregular periods.
May 10 I put in a new ring for the first time in 2 months and starting bleeding that week which my doctor said was normal. I spotted and bled almost the entire month. May 31 I took out my ring for the off week. As scheduled, like every time I take out the ring, I had heavy bleeding with clots on June 4-June 6. I never resumed birth control.
However, June 3 I had a one night stand with a man that only lasted maybe 10 minutes. No condom, but he never ejaculated. I had been bleeding on & off that entire past month, stopped for a couple hours, and then like I said woke up on June 4 with heavy clots and bleeding as expected.
On June 7, me and my boyfriend got back together and had completely unprotected sex almost every single day for the entire month of June. I never could monitor my cervical mucus because I later found out I had bacterial vaginosis and gonorrhea from the one night stand (totally sucked and have since been treated). I also had some spotting on June 14th.
Around June 22th, I noticed my cervix felt higher and softer and I had a higher sex drive. I decided to take a pregnancy test because I didn't know what to expect from getting off birth control recently, it was negative.
I waited until July 1, took another and it was negative. July 2, negative test again. I went on vacation that weekend and felt totally normal but once I got home on July 7, I noticed I had some cramping. On July 9 I had sore breasts.
July 12 I got a positive home pregnancy test. July 13 I got a blood test and my hcg levels were 8837.
My ultrasound July 22 dated me at 6 weeks and 4 days, giving me a due date of March 13. And my next ultrasound on August 28, was consistent putting me only 1 day behind at 11 weeks & 5 days.
My doctor said I likely conceived on June 20th give or take a few days but I wanted to know how accurate that was and if it means the other man cannot be the father. She seemed to think it was extremely unlikely I got pregnant from the encounter on June 3, but my anxiety just won't let me rest. But I also don't want to pay $1700 for a paternity test if I'm just worried about nothing. Can anyone logically help me ease my mind or should I just get a test done?
May 10 I put in a new ring for the first time in 2 months and starting bleeding that week which my doctor said was normal. I spotted and bled almost the entire month. May 31 I took out my ring for the off week. As scheduled, like every time I take out the ring, I had heavy bleeding with clots on June 4-June 6. I never resumed birth control.
However, June 3 I had a one night stand with a man that only lasted maybe 10 minutes. No condom, but he never ejaculated. I had been bleeding on & off that entire past month, stopped for a couple hours, and then like I said woke up on June 4 with heavy clots and bleeding as expected.
On June 7, me and my boyfriend got back together and had completely unprotected sex almost every single day for the entire month of June. I never could monitor my cervical mucus because I later found out I had bacterial vaginosis and gonorrhea from the one night stand (totally sucked and have since been treated). I also had some spotting on June 14th.
Around June 22th, I noticed my cervix felt higher and softer and I had a higher sex drive. I decided to take a pregnancy test because I didn't know what to expect from getting off birth control recently, it was negative.
I waited until July 1, took another and it was negative. July 2, negative test again. I went on vacation that weekend and felt totally normal but once I got home on July 7, I noticed I had some cramping. On July 9 I had sore breasts.
July 12 I got a positive home pregnancy test. July 13 I got a blood test and my hcg levels were 8837.
My ultrasound July 22 dated me at 6 weeks and 4 days, giving me a due date of March 13. And my next ultrasound on August 28, was consistent putting me only 1 day behind at 11 weeks & 5 days.
My doctor said I likely conceived on June 20th give or take a few days but I wanted to know how accurate that was and if it means the other man cannot be the father. She seemed to think it was extremely unlikely I got pregnant from the encounter on June 3, but my anxiety just won't let me rest. But I also don't want to pay $1700 for a paternity test if I'm just worried about nothing. Can anyone logically help me ease my mind or should I just get a test done?
COMMUNITY LEADER
If your doctor who has read your scans and knows your situation can't convince you, consider getting the paternity test. In this community we count the days and look at the data and give an opinion, but your doctor has already analyzed the situation very clearly and has said it points to conception on or around June 20 or 21. If the assessment of someone with years of medical education and access to your data isn't enough, voices on the Internet aren't going to be more convincing. Get a test if you think it will ease your worries. Chalk the expense up to the cost of dealing with anxiety, and then relax. :)
7 Comments
Yes, you're absolutely right. I guess I was just looking for a confirmation on if I can trust the dates or not but science doesn't lie! I will probably end up getting a test done to ease my anxiety even though I know logically it is my boyfriends, thank you :)
I wrote a note to you on Aqua's post, where you kindly wrote in to her about your situations being very similar. My only added advice from there to what I wrote here is only do a prenatal DNA test if you are sure you'll believe the results. Doing a test is fine if it will ease your worries, but it's throwing your money away if the evidence it provides is not going to be enough. I would suggest you forget testing and let logic rule -- it's cheaper and you can save all that scratch for things for the baby. lol But if you would find the test convincing and can't be convinced by anything else, do the test.
Best of luck!
Annie
Best of luck!
Annie
Ever since I've found your responses to others & myself my anxiety has been eased a little bit.
I already have a therapy appointment set up because I believe my doubts are just coming from the guilt and shame I feel for sleeping with someone else, when I really really love my current boyfriend. But I am thinking if the therapy does not help as much as I hope, since I do have the disposable income, I will go through with the test. I do believe science so I think seeing it on paper will truly convince me.
I also know I need to stay off the internet because there are too many crazy fake stories that are being drilled into my brain causing more panic.
Thank you so much!
I already have a therapy appointment set up because I believe my doubts are just coming from the guilt and shame I feel for sleeping with someone else, when I really really love my current boyfriend. But I am thinking if the therapy does not help as much as I hope, since I do have the disposable income, I will go through with the test. I do believe science so I think seeing it on paper will truly convince me.
I also know I need to stay off the internet because there are too many crazy fake stories that are being drilled into my brain causing more panic.
Thank you so much!
I sometimes post a list (which you might have already seen) that might be helpful to consider when getting ready to talk to the therapist. Not saying you are dealing with any of the issues below, but if so, those are the ones to discuss. Here's the list:
____________
A woman who doesn't really have a paternity problem might still find that her anxiety settles on paternity because it's easier than deeper issues she is anxious about. She might feel guilt or shame for having cheated. She might be catastrophizing the consequences unrealistically ("If my partner found out I had sex with someone else, my whole life will end"). She could be worried she won't be a good mother, or doesn't want to be a mom, or doesn't want more kids and feels bad about it. She might wish the other guy were the parent and not the guy who is. (Closely related: she might not like her boyfriend much but not want to admit it.) She might be devout and feel God will punish her. She might be ashamed of being unmarried and pregnant. A big one is the fear she won't be able to manage financially. Or, she can't see any way to take care of the baby besides by pleasing the father, and feels that is shaky.
In face of this kind of existential anxiety, obsessing about paternity is much easier. The brain hates being in constant stress, so settles on a worry that might not have any basis in fact, but at least doesn't require facing issues that are hard to figure out. Unfortunately, in such a situation, getting an answer about paternity doesn't help, because that question didn't really cause the distress in the first place. Address the real concerns, and unfounded worries about paternity will fade away.
_____________
____________
A woman who doesn't really have a paternity problem might still find that her anxiety settles on paternity because it's easier than deeper issues she is anxious about. She might feel guilt or shame for having cheated. She might be catastrophizing the consequences unrealistically ("If my partner found out I had sex with someone else, my whole life will end"). She could be worried she won't be a good mother, or doesn't want to be a mom, or doesn't want more kids and feels bad about it. She might wish the other guy were the parent and not the guy who is. (Closely related: she might not like her boyfriend much but not want to admit it.) She might be devout and feel God will punish her. She might be ashamed of being unmarried and pregnant. A big one is the fear she won't be able to manage financially. Or, she can't see any way to take care of the baby besides by pleasing the father, and feels that is shaky.
In face of this kind of existential anxiety, obsessing about paternity is much easier. The brain hates being in constant stress, so settles on a worry that might not have any basis in fact, but at least doesn't require facing issues that are hard to figure out. Unfortunately, in such a situation, getting an answer about paternity doesn't help, because that question didn't really cause the distress in the first place. Address the real concerns, and unfounded worries about paternity will fade away.
_____________
I am dealing with quite a few of those issues listed actually, I can't wait to see a therapist and work through them so I can be a great mother to my child. Thank you!
Hi Annie, just wanted to update you that I got the test done and it is indeed my boyfriends. I immediately felt a weight lifted off my shoulders and I feel like I can enjoy this pregnancy. Thanks for your help
Delighted to hear it. Have a great pregnancy and birth!
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