Aa
Aa
A
A
A
Close
Avatar universal

Paternity

Hello,
I’m having a lot of anxiety about this situation. I had sex Feb11 unprotected  for the first and only time with Guy A (just a fling) February13 I got my period which was pretty normal and on time, my period is usually 30-33 days. I had sex with Guy B February and March ongoing and I’m for sure we had sex on my ovulation day(March 4)I been having sex with Guy B for 12 years and never got pregnant. I missed my March period and went and got a ultrasound done March25 i was 5 weeks then March28 I did another ultrasound I was 5 weeks and 2 days. My last ultrasound was done July16 I was 21 weeks and 3 days at this point the baby is still measuring the same just about 2 days off which I believe is normal. The fact I been sleeping with the same guy for 12years never got pregnant all of a sudden after this fling I end up pregnant just confuses me. Is it possible for Guy A to be the dad? Did the sperm last until my ovulation? Is there any advice you can give me to ease my mind?
3 Responses
Sort by: Helpful Oldest Newest
134578 tn?1642048000
COMMUNITY LEADER
Here is some information. You probably know most of it, but just in case, I'll lay it out for you and for some other person who might come next with the same kind of worries and read this.

1) Guilt or anxiety can make it hard to even understand, or react normally to, scientific and medical evidence in the logical way you might if you weren't distressed.

2) A certain number of weeks "pregnant" told to you by a doctor, ultrasound tech or nurse means that number of weeks since the first day of your last period, not the number of weeks since conception. If a doctor looks on an ultrasound and says you are 5 weeks "along" or 5 weeks "gestational age," or 5 weeks "pregnant," he is saying the baby is of a size consistent with conception being 3 weeks ago. The pregnancy time period is counted by the medical establishment as beginning on day 1 of your period, with the assumption that conception would happen two weeks later.

3) Having a period come means you are not pregnant.

4) If your period comes two days after sex, it means you are not pregnant, and also that you were not ovulating when you had the sex. (You ovulate two weeks before your period, not two days before your period.)

5) Sperm in your body can live 4-6 days, and then it dies. (There is even disagreement about whether it is strong enough by the 6th day to penetrate an egg.) Sperm does not lurk in your body for weeks and then suddenly impregnate you. Unless the prior sexual event was less than a week ago, its sperm is gone.

6) Unless you know from tests that a man is infertile, assume he is fertile. Having slept with someone for a number of years and not gotten pregnant does not mean it is impossible to get pregnant. Every seminal ejaculation produces millions of sperm, and even people with a lower sperm count still have a number of sperm. It only takes one.

7) If you can't break away from obsessive worrying about paternity even in the face of all the medical facts showing who is the dad, see a therapist. Anxiety is its own problem, don't let it settle on paternity if your data don't give you a reason to question paternity. You can waste your whole pregnancy (and bore and frustrate your friends and trusted confidantes) by being uncertain when there is no reason for it. Look for the real reason for your anxiety and address it, and unjustified fears about paternity will fade away.


It sounds from your ultrasounds like you got pregnant around March 4, as you would expect from your ovulation date.

Helpful - 0
5 Comments
There’s always the “what if” I guess that’s where the concern comes from.
When you say, "There’s always the “what if” I guess that’s where the concern comes from," it sounds like you're saying that if you can imagine something dire, it's as valid as the medical facts and as worthy of worrying about. But an invented scenario shouldn't be given equal time with the truth. You can think up a lot of crap that's false, probably ten new scenarios every day if you wanted to. Your task is to be able to tell the difference between fears and reality.

Anxiety is a medical problem all by itself, and well worth addressing when you're pregnant. If you are hung up on an obsessive worry that has no foundation in fact, it's a good idea to find a good counselor and do some work.
My last period was February 13, from the measurement of the baby they put down my lmp was February 19 with conception of March 4. Is it because i probably ovulated later in my cycle? Could the bleeding i had feb 13 be implantation bleeding from the sex feb11? Is a paternity test needed?
You said that your February 13 period arrived about when you expected it in your 30-33 day cycle. If so, that indicates you didn't ovulate on the 11th. (See item 4 above.) You don't ovulate 2 days before a period.

Presumably your March period would have come as usual between 30 and 33 days after your February 13 period (if you hadn't gotten pregnant). If so, that next period would have come March 15 - 18. Ovulating around March 4 wouldn't really be 'later' when a person has a 30-33 day cycle.

An embryo is smaller than the dot on the i in this sentence -- it does not create gushers of blood for days. On the Internet in non-curated chat rooms where nobody erases stuff that's medical b.s., women often invoke "implantation bleeding" in hopes of explaining away a period. I've seen hundreds of women claim it when they are trying to get pregnant and are disappointed (that a period came) or scaring themselves about someone being the dad from a month before. But in all these years, I've never yet seen a single post where a woman later figures out that she really had it. It's all largely Internet myth.

One thing you asked about that I agree you should do once the baby is born, is a DNA test. This is not because there is any question from your data about who is the dad. It's because you aren't married, and your child has the legal right to have in his or her record who is the father. (If a woman is married, the law assigns paternity automatically to the man to whom she is married, but since you are single, it doesn't do that.) Also, presumably Guy B is as stunned as you are that 12 years of get-out-of-parenthood-free unprotected sex has just gone away, so he should welcome the opportunity to get some proof. You can do a DNA test at the hospital before even leaving for home with the baby. All three of you (and probably also Guy A, though he's not in the running) deserve to have the legal record be correct.
By "all three of you and probably also Guy A" I meant that the people who deserve to have the legal record be correct are you, the baby, and the father. I did not mean Guy A should be tested, since there is no question that he is not the father. The reason I even mentioned him is so you would realize you needed to stop inventing scenarios in which he might be the dad.
134578 tn?1642048000
COMMUNITY LEADER
Did they give you a due date at that very first ultrasound on March 25?
Helpful - 0
38 Comments
Yes they did Nov 25 with all my later ultrasound the due date remain the same it’s been consistent
At the March 25 ultrasound there was no fetal pole just a sac. I’m  guessing I was early in the pregnancy. My period 30-33 days so ovulation may occur later in the cycle.
Yes, see above where I just posted. A woman with a long cycle will still ovulate about two weeks before her next period, not right in the middle between the two start dates of two periods. (Example: 28-day cycle woman ovulates on day 14. 33-day cycle woman ovulates on day 19.)
March 25 ultrasound had no fetal pole, and you're still asking about the guy on February 11? Come on, get real. Feb. 11 guy had nothing to do with nothing.
I’m just overthinking the situation. You’re right! Feb 11 have nothing to with nothing.
Guy A said he will not be taking a DNA test medical evidence shows he’s not the father and the ultrasound tech told him it was no way he refuses to waste his time with the situation. I recently got married to Guy B.
I never thought Guy A needed to take a DNA test. Was talking about Guy B. Congrats on the marriage, by the way! You could still offer him a test if he is wondering, but since you are married, the law will assume he's the dad, and since he is the dad, you really don't have to do the DNA test if nobody's interested.
I'm actually dismayed for your sake that you even talked to Guy A about getting a DNA test. It makes you look foolish, and probably has him congratulating himself that he's not in a relationship with you. You can put a nice spin on it to me and say "I'm just overthinking the situation" all you want, but the goal here is to keep you from making others think you're crazy. A man who had sex on February 11 and then the pregnancy doesn't even have a fetal pole showing yet by March 25 is not "refusing to waste his time" over paternity testing, he's telling you, correctly, that you're wrong. Maybe you will stick with feeling anxious, but it is totally in your power to shut your pie hole about invented scenarios that have no foundation in reality. You don't want to give either man (the fling or the new husband) the opinion that you're nuts.
Thank you for your advice. I know my husband is the father. The guilt of sleeping with someone else cause me to overthink and make scenarios up that got nothing to do with nothing. Thank you again for your advice.
I’m now confident my husband is the father. The knowledge I gain through are conversations I didn’t quite know now I know, I can think differently. Also, I was googling things it didn’t make the situation better for me because it spoke on implantation bleeding, ultrasounds being wrong, and sperm living for  10 days or more. My thoughts was all over the place.
Taking counsel of your fears is never a good idea. I was serious when I suggested that anxiety is its own medical issue, and getting treatment for it (especially if you have it when pregnant) will really pay off. Take care.
Thank you.
Hello,
If I got pregnant from the act of intercourse that happen 2 days before my period, would the early ultrasound determine that’s around the time I got pregnant? My period coming on don’t mean anything because it was 2 days prior was the act of intercourse and it was due to come on there was not enough time to stop it from coming on.
You could not have gotten pregnant two days before your period because there would have been no egg to get pregnant with. "There was not enough time to stop it from coming on" is entirely incorrect for what happens between an egg and a period.

Most of a woman's month, she doesn't have any eggs available for sperm to reach. Only for about two days a month will she have an egg that has erupted out of the ovary and is floating around waiting for sperm. An egg only lives 24-36 hours, and then it fades away. By the time you had sex two days before your period, your egg from your last ovulation would have been gone. You had a period because nothing was going on.

Your early ultrasound will have accurately dated your conception (March 25 there wasn't even a fetal pole yet).
I have read many forums with woman stating they got pregnant 2 to 4 days before there period and still had a period that month and the next month period didn’t come. I just don’t want that to be my case.
And these many forums were written by doctors who have medical evidence that women got pregnant 2-4 days before their period?
No not doctors. Just woman trying to inform other women it’s possible to conceive at any time during your cycle not only fertile days.
Good luck with that research.
It was just a forum that I came across while I was surfing the internet. I was curious so I decided to ask you. Thank you.
Your early ultrasound would not have shown such an undeveloped embryo if you had gotten pregnant earlier.
How many days -/+ early ultrasound can be off?
At 5 weeks if they show enough to look at, they are accurate to the day. At 7 weeks, maybe +/-  1 day or 2 days.

Have you seen a therapist for your anxiety yet?
I have not seen a therapist yet but I will be.
Better a therapist than to obsess on the Internet. There is all kinds of help from a therapist, and a lot of bad information online, and your pregnancy will benefit from clear thinking.
I agree. Thank you.
Hello,
Today Oct 16 I had a ultrasound done the ultrasound put me at 35 weeks and 4 days but I’m suppose to be 34 weeks and 2 days. I’m measuring a week and 2 days ahead giving me a EDD of 11/16 instead of 11/25. Does this put Guy A in the position to probably be the father?
Ultrasounds  done later than about 8 weeks GA are not useful to try to date conception, because babies can grow more slowly or quickly than average. This means that by a pregnancy's 40th week, an estimate of when conception was based on the baby's size, could be as much as three weeks off even though it might have been spot-on at week 7. Use early ultrasounds only for this kind of determination. See a therapist for your anxiety if you have not by now.
Does conception date change depending on when the baby comes out? Btw, I have been seeing a therapist about my anxiety.
Babies begin when they begin. When the come out doesn't reach back in time and change all their ultrasounds, development stages at certain dates, and size measurements. Can't figure out how to get you to stop all of this "what if / what if/ what if" stuff. Your information is very clear.
All my other ultrasound been consistent except the ultrasound that was done today. I just want to make sure the change of measurements don’t effect my conception day. Even with a due date of November 16 give a conception of feb 24 guy A still wouldn’t be in the race.
Use early ultrasounds only for this kind of determination, not the one done today.
Thank you.
Hello,
I had a 3D ultrasound done today at 35 weeks and the baby looks nothing like my husband the baby looks like the other guy. I’m just really confused.
Also, I been reading through other stories on this forum and I came across someone saying they had an US done with a conception date November 13 had sex November 12 but dna says it’s the guy she had sex with October 30 Can ultrasounds have a huge error?
3D ultrasounds are not a good indication of how your child will look when they’re born.

Also, regarding the post you read, I believe I know which one you’re talking about. I don’t believe she included that she had an early ultrasound. If I recall (I could be wrong) I think I read her story on another site and she stated her ultrasound was in her 16th-18th week of pregnancy. Entirely to late for a dating ultrasound.

I know the demons that show up when you’re in this type of situation, but you must believe your medical evidence. Science is science. There is always going to be that one story out there that will throw you into a panic. Do you know that person? Are they reliable? Is it true? Don’t let your head get the best of you.
If you will recall what you wrote above (and maybe it would be a good idea to re-read it), at your March 25 ultrasound your baby had no fetal pole yet. If you had gotten pregnant from the sex on February 11, the ultrasound would have shown an embryo with waving arms and legs.
The 3D ultrasound just have me questioning everything but the evidence is there no reason for me to question the reality.
The baby didn’t have a heartbeat March 25 or when I went to double check March 28 I’m pretty sure it would of have a heartbeat if I got pregnant from the act of feb 11 I’m just overthinking the situation
Avatar universal
Thanks you for sharing
Helpful - 0
Have an Answer?

You are reading content posted in the DNA / Paternity Community

Top Pregnancy Answerers
13167 tn?1327194124
Austin, TX
4769306 tn?1568490209
NC
Learn About Top Answerers
Didn't find the answer you were looking for?
Ask a question
Popular Resources
Get information and tips on how to help you choose the right place to deliver your baby.
Get the facts on how twins and multiples are formed and your chance of carrying more than one baby at a time.
Learn about the risks and benefits of circumcision.
What to expect during the first hours after delivery.
Learn about early screening and test options for your pregnancy.
Learn about testing and treatment for GBS bacterium.