dental health

[Jaquta]

I was just wondering about my teeth.  I've read previous posts here and have had a previous question answered.  I perceive you as being sensitive to us and our needs.
Just generally issues with my teeth seem to dump me into a severe suicidal crisis.  I understand the emotional content needs to be discussed with a psychotherapist, etc.
My current concerns are about eroded teeth near the gum line due to brushing too hard, too often, etc and binge eating (often sugary stuff, etc) to compensate for the anxiety (relating to my teeth, etc).
Is that eroded part likely to get worse?  Are there things I can do to better protect my teeth?  My fear is that one day I will need dentures.  I would absolutely hate for this to happen.  The worst part would be losing my teeth.
My goal is to better manage my anxiety and therefore diet.  It's complex.  My teeth and health are suffering.
Do you have any dental tips or advice that may help me?  Any would be greatly appreciated.

[Jerome Tsang, DDS]

Ya, its amazing how powerful perception can be and attitude too, of course.  I think that you're definitely being pro-active in your approach and that's a definite positive step in the right direction.  I understand your frustration at it all though but you never know how things will go so keep up a good outlook and things will be fine.  

[Jaquta]

No, not for therapy, just a review.  I expect this specialist may or may not have some recommendations.  It could go either way -be a good thing or a bad thing.  Ideally, I would like things to go well but at worst I would hope that things aren't made worse.
Most doctors have already done a lot of damage.  It is difficult to trust that one won't.
My GP was happy anyway (or maybe that was because he was going on leave).

My GP expects his referral to be done by next week.  I am not sure how long the specialist's waiting list is.  Hopefully not too long.
I think I'm afraid of what the appointment may bring.  It will interesting to see if I'm seen before my GP returns from leave.

Just having so much time lapse before my last T left and now will make the appointment extremely difficult for me.

One thing at a time, right?  Try and be positive.  I saw a program a while back that documented what happened to a guy de-mining in Cambodia, I think it was.
It was very dangerous anyway and he survived by projecting an air of confidence.  By managing all his negative, and I expect over-whelming, emotions he survived.
Always food for thought.

Thank you for your continued support.  

J

[Jerome Tsang, DDS]

Great.  So does that mean that you can look forward to meeting an independent specialist for therapy?  Hopefully something good will come out of that.  At least another perspective and professional opinion on the matter.  

[Jaquta]

I spoke to my GP today.  Apparently the funding for that independent specialist opinion has been approved.  My GP is also taking five weeks leave.

[Jaquta]

When I post in an expert forum I expect an expert to respond.  In most cases anyway.  Sometimes I think patients have more specific information and that can be useful too.
I have different standards and perceptions though and some people are happy with just other members responding.

I never expected or anticipated engaging in a lengthy discussion with a dentist.
I never expected I would be self-disclosing personal issues here (although I expect they are a defense against confronting my dental issues and fears).

This has become community, hasn't it?  I am a bit worried I have compelled you to violate boundaries.  Although my last T said it takes two to manipulate -one to manipulate and one to be manipulated.

I can't maintain or even force a positive attitude.  My mood has slumped even more.
I was trying to keep running so that I could do a running event in April.  I went for a 55 minute run today but ... I feel I have let myself down again by binge eating.

You're probably right.  Emotionally I'm a mess and I feel my behavior has become a bit erratic.  I've been struggling for so long now it is difficult to accept help.  (That is, if there were any to accept.)  I'm not sure how I'm going to be able to manage my parent's farm for them while they're away.  Maybe, if nothing were to go wrong (which it always does).

I think seeing my GP is just me being passive about my health care.  Unless I feel seriously threatened I don't feel as though I have anything left to give.
It reminds me of when I had a severe asthma attack.  My peak flow reading was 110.  The doctor asked me to do another one.  I don't think I could have and I think he saw that.  It feels like I'm being asked to over-extend myself all the time.  Over-extension when you feel past threshold is ...tiring.  It's becoming debilitating.

I think the tooth feels OK, I expect it was sore from flossing and me poking.
I'm paranoid about my other teeth now though.

I was just thinking about having a baby tonight.  I said I was feeling seriously messed up because I'm not in a relationship and I was thinking about other options, etc.
Anyway, I just read your article on gum disease and pregnancy.  It was interesting.  There are so many things that people can potentially be concerned about.

I listened to some of John Kabat-Zinn's CD today talking about being mindful of each moment.  I think that is probably a good way to approach life (if one can leave all the baggage).

I'm going to back off posting again.  If my GP has anything exciting to share I'll pass that on.
Feel free to set limits at any time.  

[Jerome Tsang, DDS]

Its fine to post in the forum.  I just want to make sure I provide an answer because it is the "Ask an Expert" forum so they may expect a doctor to answer but there have been several posts here where people treat this is a community forum as well.

Well, keep a positive attitude and look at change as a good thing.  I think again that perception is important and you should focus on the positives to help yourself along.  I would still recommend going to your GP anyways.  Its good to follow up and you never know when something good may happen.  I guess by going to your GP, at least you're still being proactive about your care.  It only further helps confirm that you are dedicated to taking care of yourself.  

As for your sensitivity, I would go have it looked at.  Hopefully its something simple such as the filling had a small chip and needs to be repaired.  

[Jaquta]

Last November I think.  The same time I had my lower wisdom extracted.
My next check-up isn't til June.

I wasn't meaning to encroach on your forum.  I felt comfortable taking about dry sockets.  I should have stayed away from oral cancer though.

I joined some yahoo health groups several years ago but they weren't very supportive to me in my recovery at that time.
I was posting regularly on the mental health and emotional eating expert forums and occasionally several others but ... I don't know.  I guess there are reasons why I backed off and now I just feel tired and disconnected.  Before I use to be quite open, now my posts just seem terse or abrasive and not really all that together.

My GP's son featured in the weekend paper and that has triggered me.
I hate being confronted by the losses in my life.

I was wondering about going and living with my younger sister.  That would put me in another district with better services.  There could be work available there too.  ??
My brother has just gotten back from his oe and bought a house.  He would be happy to have anyone down to help him renovate it.

Nothing feels like it is in my best interest.  Options feel like they are taking me too far away from myself.

My parents are going away for several weeks in a couple of weeks (to see my other brother and sister) and have asked me to manage their farm for them while they're away.  I don't expect that will go too well.  Although hopefully it will.

I'll see what my GP says next week if I even bother to keep my appointment.  At this time there seems no point.
I think I talk to others so that I don't have to listen to myself.

I'll yet you know what, if anything, I decide later.

[Jerome Tsang, DDS]

Sometimes there's sensitivity after a tooth has been filled.  I'm assuming yours has been done awhile back though.  You may want to get it checked out.  

I've been reading your comments in the forum and I had a realization. If you aren't able to find a support group locally in your area, I wonder if there's a way to find some type of online support group in a forum setting, something similar to this website.

[Jaquta]

Thanks!  I had a rough night but in the end decided that instead of hoarding the sleep meds my GP gave me that I should actually take one and get a good nights sleep (without stressing about everything).  The temptation is high but I'm concerned about long-term effects and damage.  I can't afford to lose more neurons.

I was just wondering after reading your response to another member.  Is pain after having a tooth filled bad?  I'm not sure if the pain was from flossing or from stressing and running my fingernail between my teeth (which I figured I should stop doing).
I'm a bit paranoid it is infected now.  Should it hurt after being filled though?

Thanks for all your support and advice.

[Jerome Tsang, DDS]

I read "Who Moved My Cheese?" and it was quite a quick and easy read overall.  I think the names got me a little confused at times but I understood the general lesson from the story.  Obviously you take what you will from reading as everything is subject to interpretation and application in your life but I hope that it helps and provides some insight or inspiration.

Yes, it would make sense that our primary concern should be your primary concern but that isn't always the case.  There's a saying that people buy what they want, not what they need.  I suppose in dentistry, it can be somewhat true.  Sometimes patients are more concern with whitening and bleaching than they are with treating their cavities.  Its interesting and I wouldn't say its ALL patients but there are a few here and there that do that.  

I suppose the frustration comes from expectations, which is what you discussed earlier.  I am a perfectionist with my work but not with my life.  I've had to learn to live with "best I could do" instead of getting it perfect everytime because each situation is different and sometimes you can't get it perfect no matter what due to circumstances.  

Well, it sounds like you're doing a little better today.  I hope that the book provides some insight.  

[Jaquta]

But those individual differences are what makes life unique.  Imagine how bored you would become if every patient were the same.  I think the lack of difference and therefore challenge could become quite monotonous.
Does that maddening feeling appear when things are different to how you want or expect them to be?  Because you personally are being tested or restricted??

Your job sounds exhausting.  
My GP often says that the counselling is the most demanding aspect.  A dentist would spend a lot of time reassuring too, wouldn't they?  I guess some people do that naturally by having strong personal boundaries and by exuding an air of confidence.

It almost sounds as though you are frustrated by those differences sometimes.  I feel I might be missing an important point.  It seems important to you.
Maybe it is amazement at our 'giftedness'??  Maybe the problem is that sometimes those differences prevent you from achieving a self-imposed standard??

We all have different experiences and different values and beliefs.
Our basic needs are generally all the same.  Emotional needs vary.

I agree to a certain extent (because it is us living our life) but I think health professionals also need to lead and show good judgment.
Wouldn't our primary concern be secondary to any significant health issue?  Wouldn't it be your responsibility as a clinician to address that?
I guess it would still be important for you to validate our concern before you address yours.  And also physical needs are slightly different to emotional needs.
It's all a bit confusing.  For the most part listening to the client is good business.  Like that saying that the customer is always right.  (Which is especially true if you are in private practice.)

I think that if a doctor truly understood (the complexities of a patient's history, etc) that they wouldn't be so quick to judge.
I think sometimes that it is easy to overlook where a person is at in their life which can affect how a person deals with situations.
It almost sounds a little narcissistic to tell people to fix themselves.  I accept that it would be easy to do for a person in a position of power and security in that aspect of their life.  It's easy enough for someone who doesn't understand the situation to over-simplify the process.  We all have our own strengths and weaknesses.

I think due to my mh issues that I don't really have access to many perspectives.  I am only now starting to learn that others perceive the world very differently to me.  Being aware of that has helped me try to understand things from different perspectives and to try to be open to different realities or possibilities.
You could almost be the doctor on the mental health expert forum.  He suggests keeping things in perspective and focusing on reality.  Working on solutions to problems and not just dwelling on problems.

You sound like you could be a bit of a perfectionist.  Success can be measured in all sorts of different ways.  Some people are more flexible with their definition of success. My definition of success would be to score 100% in everything, not make any mistakes, etc.  It's easy to see why my life isn't working for me.  I sometimes overlook the fact you need to learn to walk before you can run.

I am learning to listen to what failure is teaching me.  Before I just use to associate it with shame, embarrassment and humiliation.  Those negative emotions kept me feeling stuck and powerless.

Being open to a degree is useful but you also need to support what you are learning with action.  Maybe I am not as receptive as I think I am.  Openness should carry through to ?acceptance, insights and change.  Maybe I aren't as open to change meaning that I block it at an action level.  But I guess that action is blocked by overwhelming negative emotions.  This is kind of interesting and is a new way for me to approach my resistance to change.

What you say makes perfect sense.  I will check out our library for a copy of the book but I expect they won't have it.  Why do I do that?  I am so pessimistic and mistrusting.  (I was beaten when I was younger so that could explain my negativity and lack of trust.)  It does sound like it could be helpful.
I read Spencer Johnson's book, The Precious Present.  I thought that was enlightening and sums up things/ life very well.

I'm hopeless when it comes to reading.  I struggle with motivation and concentration and get frustrated and lose interest.  I have regressed back to reading Mills and Boon medical romances.  While some can be educational about medicine and relationships it's pretty sad.

Good luck with the reading and dealing with different patients.

[Jerome Tsang, DDS]

I definitely agree with you on the process of healing.  Its definitely different for everyone and everyone has their own pace and process of how it happens.  Its actually quite maddening sometimes cause working on people, we're all just quite different.  Yes, the dentistry is generally the same but how you treat people and how you intereact with them can be night and day as you go from patient to patient.  

I guess everyone needs something different and is concerned with particular things.  In dental school, we were taught that the most important thing to being a good doctor is to listen to your patient and address their chief concern.  Don't worry about what you think is the biggest concern cause it won't matter to them as much as what they're most concerned about.  I hope that your doctor remembers that lesson from his schooling.  I try to remind myself of it everyday.  It can be "tempting" (not sure if that's the right word) to lecture from a pedestal as a doctor and tell patients to fix themselves.  

I always try to look at life from all perspectives.  I try to see it from all angles.  I hope you do too.  And I think I mentioned it before, I try to focus on things I can do to make it better, not on the bad things that are there.  By taking a more proactive approach, I think it does make you feel more empowered and it gives you a plan of action.  I think another hard thing (for me anyways) is to measure your success.  

On the flip side, while success does help, failure does too.  (Again with the seeing things from all angles).  Failure teaches you alot about yourself too.  I think that by keeping an open mind, you can only improve yourself and that, in itself, is success.

I think my train of thought may be a little confusing.  I haven't personally read "Peaks and Valleys" by Spencer Johnson MD.  I was planning too but from what I've read on the back cover, it sounds like it might be helpful for you.  It talks about the ups and downs of life in a story format and about changing your perspective to help you to more "peaks" and get through the "valleys" faster.  

If you do read it, let me know how you like or don't like it.  I am planning on reading it but I got about 8-9 more books I want to finish first.  

[Jaquta]

Hi.  I'm back distracting with Mahjong Titans and the internet again.  =(
It's not you or anyone else, just me and how I perceive things.  =(

One thing I have learned is that recovery is a process and it is different for everyone.

I see my GP regularly but as to being monitored closely I'm not so sure.  I think sometimes when someone sees you regularly they start to take things for granted.

My GP said that low iron can make a person more emotional.  Low iron can also affect your ability to concentrate, leave you feeling tired, etc.  I guess in many respects it does mimic depression (and dementia due to the cognitive affects).
Last year I just put the fatigue down to radiation, work and anxiety.

My GP was unsure why my iron levels had dropped.  I thought it may have been due to diet but I don't think he was that convinced.  He thought maybe blood loss through periods but if anything they have been much lighter.  He said that some people are unable to absorb iron due to gluten intolerances (or something like that).
I was just wondering whether my breast issues may have something to do with it.  Sometimes I experience this wet sensation but have no discharge.  It may be totally unrelated.  I cancelled my last two surgical appointments due to anxiety.

I'm on iron supplements and asthma meds.  No, no doctor has recommended antidepressants or anti-anxiety meds recently.  My GP did give me a short course of lorazepam though to help with sleep.
I am generally non-compliant with psych meds and I think doctors have given up forcing the issue.  My preference is to make changes through psychotherapy.
I'm not sure what it is with me and meds.  I think initially it was because I perceived that to mean that I was a failure.  I have also competed in sports and so are very anti-meds from that perspective too.  Plus I don't like putting other stuff in my body.  I don't know what it is.  Doctors don't think I am very insightful regarding psych meds.
I don't take meds because I don't not want help but I am just very adverse to them.

In the mhs here there was talk of just medicating patients and getting rid of therapists.  I personally think that is a very bad idea.  Medications generally don't solve life's issues.

My GP, who was new to me at the time, didn't hesitate to refer me for a psych assessment.  That doesn't sound very great but he was concerned about my mood and anxiety.

Also, after hospital I overdosed on all my discharge medication (a lethal amount) and ended up in icu for a week.  It is easier for me not to have medication in the house.

I'm confused about my situation too.  I think I have been discharged from the service but I have received no formal discharge letter.  The therapist I was seeing neglected to return any of my calls after writing to me and asking me to contact him.

Exercise isn't always easy.  I think putting my shoes on and getting out the door is sometimes the hardest part.  I use to have very bad ocd and I would put my shoes on then take them off then muck around with my socks and laces.  My exercise would often take less time than to get ready.
It's summer here so that helps.  Winter was absolutely miserable.  Are you able to choose another activity that you enjoy?  If the walking doesn't inspire you then maybe something else would.  ??
I think generally I feel better after exercise.  I think the oncologist was concerned about the fatigue but I think she also did it to help my ego.  I think that by making it a medical issue it absolved me of some responsibility or pressure.
Probably I couldn't have done it because I was wiped out, wasn't sleeping and was just about passing out from fatigue.

Your first doctor sounds a little intimidating -not really someone whom you would feel safe doing therapy with.  Sometimes the ones you have initial doubts about are the best.  When I first saw my current GP I thought he was an idiot.  He has been great for me in some respects.  I have since told him of my initial impressions and he just laughed.  It's great to have that openness in a relationship.
Yawning sounds a little disrespectful and not very professional.  I guess that was a bit like my last (I call her my last) T, she would always be asking if she could open the window due to hot flushes, etc.

It's OK.  I don't think my doctor even understands my situation and I have seen him weekly for the past ?five years.

Has your panic and agoraphobia been successfully treated?

[Sue10191]

Hi again.  I do not wish to make you feel uncomfortable or pressured in any way.  Everyone learns to cope and heal on their own schedule and in their own time.

It sounds like your GP monitors your situation on a rather regular basis.  That is a good thing, right?  Does he say why iron levels fluctuate like that? and if there are mental health consequenses of low iron?

Are you on medications?  Has your Dr recomended any anti-depressants or anything?  I never thought it was a good idea, but here in the states often times a GP will prescribe anti anxiety or anti depressant meds rather than send someone to a psychiatrist or psychologist.  I don't approve of the practice without careful monitoring of the patient which sometimes doesn't happen by the GP.

So, at this point you do not have access to a mental health professional for psychotherapy?  Sorry, I am a bit confused.  

You mentioned you are a runner.  I think that is fabulous.  It is all I can do to force myself to start walking on a regular basis.  In fact, it has been two days since I last took a walk and I am already starting to obsess over the fact that I do not feel motivated to go out in the cold and exercise.  Do you feel any better after a run? Why did the oncologist think a marathon is not a good idea?  Is it the iron deficiency?

I sure hope you can start some type of therapy with someone who will listen objectively and give you valuable feedback.  I know how beneficial it can be to find the right person to talk to. My first psychiatrist was not very personable but came up with the idea of a group therapy for people with panic disorder/agoraphobia of which I have had a lifelong history of.  Anyway, he was someone who I wouldn't want to have one on one sessions with but as a group facilitator, it worked for me.  The next Dr, during my postpartum depression, was a wonderful man, American originally from India.  He had an annoying habit of yawning during our sessions.  However, I gave him a chance and soon realized the yawning did not mean he was disinterested, it just meant he was a little fatigued in the afternoon.  I grew to like him very much.  He had a very kind, easy going and gentle manner and a sense of humor.  I wish for you someone who can support your efforts to get well as he did for me.

Sorry I asked so many questions.  Trying to understand your situation better.

Take care
Sue

[Jaquta]

Hi
I feel anxious that people are concerned and embarrassed that people are writing.
I think I feel stressed that I won't be able to change enough (or at least enough so that people feel as though I am 'fixed').  I don't want to feel as though I am letting others down or disappointing them.  I know that change for me will take a long time and most likely only happen after intensive psychotherapy.

I had blood tests done about ?two weeks ago.  My iron levels have dropped again from last year after three months of iron supplementation.  ??  
My GP says I am iron deficient but not anemic.  He's given me another script for more iron supplements.

I thought it was the lack of sleep that was making me feel more vulnerable but I expect lack of oxygen isn't help much either.

I was wondering again last night why my teeth, or my teeth not being perfect, bother me so much.  I expect it reinforces my sense of failure as an individual and highlights all my inadequacies.
I was thinking though that I haven't felt judged by Dr Tsang because I have a cavity or because my teeth are eroding because I brush too hard, etc.
I'm not sure why it matters so much to me.  ??  Maybe because they are my teeth and it is me who is damaging them.

I have had dental issues around significant events in my life (a near drowning, my mother being discharged after six weeks in hospital with a broken back and severe head injuries after having watched her seize, stop breathing and being intubated, etc).  Even with all the other stuff I feel it is my teeth which are causing me to become depressed.  Maybe it's because I feel powerless.  ??  I don't know.

Good luck for your appointment.

[Sue10191]

Hi Jaquta,
I gotta run off to an appointment but wanted to check in and see how you are doing.  I will write later when I get back.

I just have one quick question......you said you have low iron.  Have you had bloodwork done recently to see how anemic you are?  If so, are you taking a supplement to get your bloodcount stable?  I know firsthand the harmful effects of anemia on both the body and mind.

Gotta go.  I will be thinking about some of the points you made in your post.  

Sue

PS Your post was fine and doesn't need editing.  You are an eloquent writer.

[Jaquta]

Thank you both for your responses.

I think talking to my GP has been part of the problem.  He has taken on the responsibility of my care because the mhs won't.  It has put a lot of pressure on both him and I.  His hands are tied and I just feel tortured returning week after week knowing that the support I need is deliberately being withheld (by the mhs).
While my GP visits are invaluable they are also extremely difficult.

I think talking to him yesterday did relieve some tension plus I think expecting that things may change has also helped my mood.
At best I expect the service will send me an appointment letter, delivered to the wrong address of course, asking me to see a shrink which again would be pointless as they won't refer me for appropriate psychotherapy.   ??

It's not your problem.  I hope I'm not making it others problem.  I just feel frustrated by everything here and in my life.
You have already done a lot for me.  Having someone listen has helped a lot.
Now I'm feeling confused.  Am I making others feel powerless and hopeless in order to gain some control?  Not consciously.  I think the mhs leave me feeling fragmented because of their inexperience and skill.  Forcing me to access help elsewhere.  

I have asked other experts here for varying degrees of advice.  All have suggested I see a psychotherapist (which would be great if only I could access one who doesn't make my situation worse).
I haven't spoken to any of these experts directly recently.  I post on their forums but I haven't discussed my present situation.  I have had safety issues before but not like this.  I'm not sure there even is a question to be asked.  Most people would say to get help or go to the hospital.  What do you do when it is the hospital that is the problem?  Go to another one?  My GP said they would just patch me up till they could refer me back to my service.
I told my GP I would pay for the independent specialist opinion he wanted but he wants it to go through the service.  It's all just one big mess.

I'm sorry for that difficult period in your life.  It is one thing to be depressed another to be depressed and have the responsibility of a new born.
How is not a problem.  Lack of energy and motivation definitely is.
I read somewhere that ending ones life doesn't relieve negative feelings because once dead there are no feelings.  I guess that's true (depending on a persons view of afterlife).
That sums up a lot of health professionals, in my experience anyway.  I have found their rejection the most damaging.  Actually one psychiatrist here told someone to walk up to the hospital when they were having a heart attack.  Go figure.
My mental health issues, I feel, have gotten the better of me.  Sometimes they feel as though they take on a life of their own and I become lost in the process.
I am where I am today, struggling, because I have made some very big mistakes in my past.  Some of those mistakes have made me afraid of making others.  That I think is sometimes where death seems so attractive.  I think I also struggle because others have put a seed of doubt in my mind that life can be good.  I guess it makes me wonder whether I can change.  Hope is this very tiny thing that I sometimes hold onto but only because I have doubts.  It sounds crazy that hope is generated by doubt.

My issues are complex.  Structure is really hard to achieve (mainly because of the chaos on my internal world) which is really confusing when I used to be very obsessive compulsive.  Most activities, at best, last for six to seven weeks tops.
It gets frustrating.  I am very competitive and have high expectations for myself so my continued failures just do my head in.
It would be a bit like Dr Tsang repeating his first year papers over and over again every six weeks.  It gets draining and I never see any reward for any of my efforts.

I have been running, or trying too.  I have been carrying injuries plus I think the iron deficiency and the fatigue is really affecting me.  I did go for a 40 minute run today.
I was wanting to complete a half marathon in April but feel this is unrealistic for the results I want.  I think I perhaps need to reevaluate things but can't deal with the emotional consequences of not following through.  Last year the oncologist said that competing would be against medical advice.  That made not doing it only marginally acceptable.

I want to be recovered yesterday.  Yes, I have heard that incremental health changes are the most effective.
I was thinking about this earlier today.  I think that if I allow myself to make progress it will mean that things really aren't that bad and that I don't need support in making other changes.  I perceive it as being very black and white which of course it isn't.  Change shouldn't preclude me from getting psychological input.
It's all about grief and losses too.

I keep a training diary.  No, when I was sectioned for severe depression my diaries were given to the doctors.  I don't document my thoughts or feelings anymore except in this medium.

I can't remember when I called lifelink youthline last.  I expect if I read back over posts I would find the date.  I guess I lack the motivation and don't want to engage with people.  I'm probably only talking here because Dr Tsang has been talking to me throughout this difficult time.  Maybe I feel connected here, I'm not sure.

My most effective coping strategies lately have been using the computer and watching tv.  They are becoming less important now because I am so tired.

Writing all this has been tiring.
Pets, family and everything is stressful.  It's all a long story.
Yes, I have spoken to several of the other forum experts.  I have spoken to Dr Gould the expert on the mental health expert forum.  I haven't discussed recent events.  I flip flop between feeling I need support and feeling that I don't.

Thank you for your suggestions and thoughts.

Yes, very gross.  Poor dentist or dental hygienist.

Even the experts aren't that expert.  Often support is just about using common sense.
Tonight I feel that patience perhaps isn't as important.  Should I be patient and wait another year for support?  I definitely need to be more patient with myself though.

Thanks.  Yes, things have been slightly better.  I haven't been feeling anything today but now I am feeling quite stressed and anxious and sick and frustrated.
I think I've probably over-extended myself both physically and emotionally.

I hate myself because I sound so ungrateful when I actually feel extremely grateful.  I think I'm feeling a little panicked because of the support and the need for me to try and make some changes.

I really can't think all that clearly at the moment.  My head feels very, very muddled.

I can't deal with editing my post so I hope it makes sense with not too many mistakes and it isn't offensive.  I hope it doesn't upset or offend anyone.

Thank you both for your time and suggestions.

[Jerome Tsang, DDS]

I like her suggestions.  I wish I was more of an "expert" on the field so I'd have a larger knowledge base to provide some online support but sometimes it just takes time to try different things and finding out what works and then sticking with it.  I guess patience is key as well as perseverance.  Hope things are better today than yesterday.

[Sue10191]

Good morning Jaquta.  I was thinking about you last evening and this morning.  I feel I can relate to you in some small way.  I had a severe depression after giving birth to my daughter over 20 yrs ago. Much of what you are feelilng I too have experienced, that feeling of helplessness and hopelessness combined with sleeplessness and wild episodes of anxiety.  Anxiety so horrible that tremors literally surged through my body.  My condition deteriorated to the point where I had decided to end my life. I couldn't decide how to accomplish this. I just knew I needed to end this feeling.  I had heard people speak of insanity and now I was experiencing it for myself.  I had called a Dr who asked if I had a fever and if I didn't, then there was nothing he could do for me.  Any health care professional who heard my sypmtoms should have immediately known what was going on and given me a referral to someone who could offer advice.  So I know how frustrating it is when you want help but can't obtain it.  Obviously, I never followed through with the idea that both myself and my family(and the world)would be better off if I ended my existence.  Fortunately, during my depression, my inability to focus and follow through with anything probably saved my life.  I continued to seek treatment, finally was put on hormone replacement and anti-depressants.  Started to get some quality sleep and continued with psychotherapy.  The healing process took a long time.  I have had episodes of an anxiety disorder all my life, but it has been manageable.  You have been through so much Jaquta, the fairly recent death of a family member and a serious health issue.  Yet, you have not let depression and illness get the best of you.  You are still moving forward, seeking a solution.  I noted your statement that you went for a swim and a bike ride.  I know it may seem like an insignificant thing.......but while you continue to seek proper therapy, do you think you would be able to commit to a swim or bike ride each day or even three or four days per week at a scheduled time?  I really do feel like I am making inadequate suggestions, but didn't you want to take small steps toward recovery? These could be the tiniest. May I ask if you keep a daily journal?  If it seems overwhelming to write down all your thoughts and experiences at the end of each day, then may I suggest just jotting down "good day, bad day or better or worse or okay"and briefly why it was good or bad.  When was the last time you called "lifelink"?  Even if their help has limitations, continue to take advantage of it.......even just to distract you during the worst feelings.  I don't know you so I am trying to come up with an arsenal of small ideas which may help to cope during this difficult time.  Do you like or have a pet? a significant other? close friend or family member? clergy person?  I would like to close this letter with one more question that echos Dr Tsang.  Have you tried to speak to any of the Drs at the other forum sites?  Sending good thoughts your way!

I had to chuckle a bit when you spoke of your father's dental hygiene habits, or lack of.  My 80 yr old father in law says, why should he clean his teeth, that's what he pays the dental hygienist to do! Gross indeed!!
Sue

[Jerome Tsang, DDS]

Thanks.

I'm glad you spoke to your GP and let him know the seriousness of your situation.  I wish I could do more.  Have you spoken to any doctors here on the forum currently in regards to your situation?  

[Jaquta]

I would say very lucky.  I have found Jerome, Dr Tsang, to be very giving.  I have also found him to be very generous with his time, expertize and concern.
I find his holistic approach helpful and I feel accepted for who I am (warts and all).

There have been no easy answers.  I feel my situation has become more urgent (but with the same lack of solutions).  I spoke to my GP yesterday and again voiced my concerns.  I told him that at this point I am ready to set a date to end my life.  I am tired of the lack of involvement and responsibility from my local mental health services and I am tired of feeling as through I am holding on for dear life 24/7.
My GP said he would speak to the director/ psychiatrist again.  
My sleep has been disturbed and I am iron deficient which my GP said would make me feel more vulnerable.
I also had some dental work done towards the end of last year which is sore and which is causing me extreme emotional distress.  =(

I am still trying to find solutions.  I feel I am in a precarious situation and I hope the service will provide access to appropriate support soon.

Thank you for your kind words and concern.  I'm sure Dr Tsang will also appreciate the recognition for his time, effort, compassion and commitment.

[Sue10191]

How lucky is the cyber community to have such a professional as Dr Tsang.  Someone who will lend a cool, intellectual and rational ear to what ails us all.  I am greatly moved.  Hope you are finding answers to your problems Jaquta.  

[Jerome Tsang, DDS]

Its ok.  We also learn and grow from failures more so than from success as success tends to make us feel more confident and prevents us from keeping an open mind and continuing desire to improve.  

Just take it day by day.  What is most important is probably your attitude and perception on things.  Things happen all the time but its our perception of what happens that influences how we feel about it.  Try to keep an open mind and don't get down on yourself.  Best of luck!

[Jaquta]

I don't know either.  I think it could be two.  ??
When I tried posting yesterday it said the forum had reached it's daily limit.  You may have noticed a decrease in the number of posts you were responding too.  ??

My GP asked me about making a formal complaint.  Gee, I'm just so tired of everything.
My GP thinks I am depressed and is concerned about my lack of sleep.

I think for me, maybe taking the tablets the doctor gave me to help me get some quality sleep (and therefore not feel as vulnerable).  Get some exercise.  Do some work.

I think a big one for me is to motivate myself to want to take steps to make things better for myself.  I think I became so run down by the lack of support from my health provider and the constant suicidal thoughts and urges.  It's been draining and I just want to give in and not have to fight so hard for my health and my life.
If I just focus on one thing at a time as you suggested then maybe it is possible to regain some momentum.

I have tried to access an advocate who can help with the complaints process.
I always hoped the mhs would change its dysfunctional ways.  I don't think anyone should have to go through what I have.

So that is my current plan.  Take some steps to reduce my stress and improve my health.  Make a formal complaint against the hospital.  (Which will be stressful but will hopefully elicit some changes.)
Maybe view this time as an opportunity to work on skills so that when adequate psychotherapy is available I don't regret potential losses during this time.

I can just see help becoming available when I've just about eaten myself to death.  Needed a triple bypass, had limbs amputated, lost all my teeth, ...  =(

Maybe I am able to make permanent lifestyle changes.  Maybe if I allow myself to make mistakes and learn from them and to be more flexible.  Maybe I can do this.