I am an extreme dental phobic. I've spent years trying to keep my phobia under control enough so that I can have continuing care of my periodontal disease. Valium is your friend for dental visits. As for insurance, see if there is a dental program at a nearby college. I got some of my best teeth cleanings done at schools, where they are very very gentle and concerned about hurting you.
I recently lost ground on my phobia and cancelled two teeth cleanings with my dentist. I had two teeth removed by an oral surgeon who did not take me seriously about being completely sedated for the extraction. I waited an entire month to have it done under sedation and then he went really light on the sedative because he was behind schedule and he didn't think I needed to be deep under for such a loose tooth. I got nearly hysterical when I felt him pulling on my tooth (my father used to pull our teeth with pliers, and I absolutely cannot stand to have somebody pull on my teeth). Now I will need a different oral surgeon if I have to go back.
most dentists understand our fear and do their best to make us terrified patients feel comfortable (a little valium helps too). ask friends or relatives who they go to. word of mouth makes a great referral. my dentists office is always packed even though he does no advertising and is only listed in the phone book with one line. dont be afraid to call the office and explain your fear and ask if you could come in , look around, and meet the dentist before making an appointment. do this with several recommended dentists to see which one is the best for you. a good dentist will not think you are silly in fact dental fears and public speaking are the two most common phobias just dont let it get in the way of taking care of your teeth.
Dear Scared:
Well there are 2 of us, does that make us a club? ((giggles)) I'm 49, but the rest of your question is me........