I haven't been quite right this year

[Animejunkie]

For a while now I have been lacking the emotions that would be normal to feel, I mean going partys dont feel fun even though everyone else is ejoying it, I don't feel guilty about anything or be able to sympathise. My personality changes to extreme levels. At times I will hate everything, I would plan murders in my head, even to the point that when I look up at a friend, I can picture them with bullet holes & gashes. It sort of gives me chills... good ones but obviously so anyone else, thats not right. Other times I can become a total child, I even have tea partys with all my old toys, teapot, the works. When I'm like that, thinking about how I was a few hours ago makes me feel sick.... same with when I'm mentally murdering people, I think it's stupid. Because I lack normal emotions, I sometimes wonder if I'm actually alive. I get paranoid, I start to think everything is fake, then I end up self harming. I know I shoudln't, I don't do it because I'm suicidal, it's because it reminds me that I actually have some sort of feeling left. I know you people must think I'm a freak, but it's taken alot for me to say this... I want help. I want my friends to be able to see me as a normal person, even if it takes alot of time.  

[Jaquta]

A lot of us appreciate and value the input we receive from the doctor and also other members here.

Good luck for your appointment.  I too hope that you will find it helpful and productive.

I have a psych appointment for next Wednesday and I too am very nervous.  I think it's normal to feel a little anxious/ apprehensive.
Sometimes writing questions, comments and concerns down can help.  Usually it is OK to take a support person along if you feel that could be helpful.

Best wishes
J

[Animejunkie]

Thank you very much for the advice. I have booked an appointment, I'm nervous but I'm hoping it will help. You've been a big help.

[Jaquta]

I don't think you're a freak.  I think you're incredibly brave for disclosing what you think and how you feel.  That takes real courage.

I think acknowledging we have a problem and wanting help are important first steps.

I think you should trust the doctor and take his advice.  I do (most of the time).

J

[Roger Gould, M.D.]

You have the kind of problem that can only be helped by seeing a qualified psychiatrist...I urge you to find that kind of help for yourself as soon as you can. This problem can be fixed, so have hope.