Advice on childhood issue.

[freddie89]

Here is the story:
When I (Male) was around 5yrs old (I'm 33 yrs old) I played "doctor" with a 4 yr old friend (F). We kissed genitals and buttocks. I did not see or learn this from anyone. We were both curious and this is what we did.. I would say that it occured around 4 or 5 times over the course of about 6 months..We never got caught..We just didn't feel like doing it anymore..Basically we found out what we wanted to know and we weren't interested anymore..
Around the same time,I played "doctor" again with a male friend but this friend was older (11)....The incident with the male friend occured 2 or 3 times over the course of about 6 months..We  did the same type of things I did w/ the female friend..I kissed his penis and sucked his balls..He did not get erect and he did not climax..We never got caught and at the time it did not bother me, In fact I was a willing participant.
Looking back I think it was very strange what had occured w/ the older boy because of the age difference..
Lately I've been thinking about the incident and I have feelings of "why did this happen?" and "I wish it didn't happen"
I realize that It was not my fault because I was just being curious and the older boy was leading me along..I at the time thought it was the same as the incident w/ the girl but now it seems weird to me that he wanted to play doctor w/ me..
A little bit about me:
I'm 33 yrs old, happily married w/ children but I, from time to time, think about the incident w/ the male and it bothers me..
Please advise......

[hangin'in there!]

I suspect that while you were 'just exploring' innocently, that this older boy displays alot of signs of sexual abuse and was innocently immitating the abuser in his life - and it was with you that he re enacted the abuse.  This is probably why it haunts you today.  Because the older boy was using very persuasive tactics that had worked with him, and he wanted to see if it would work on you too. This does not mean the boy meant to 'abuse' you as he was probably trying to understand the situation himself through roleplay. Don't worry about it now, it's in the past and no harm was done.  You were both just kids and have learnt alot from each other.

[freddie89]

Thanks for the input!
I feel much better now.
I realize it was just experimenting.
This forum is a great place to get things off of your chest.

[Dokar]

The fact you even had the courage to post it on here is a sure sign that you can easilly handle what happened.  I'm actually suprised, some people even block out events such as those completely.  Basically it's all a matter of how you look at it.  You weren't old enough to really understand what was going on.  You were probably curious about the parts of people they always keep covered up.  Male or female.  It was just a curiosity you felt compelled to explore.  You weren't forced, raped, or anything else, and you seem to be able to handle it well.  Don't feel alone, this kind of thing happens moe than you think, in an innocent way.  You are only feeling guilty or worrying about it because society has labled such things as being more wrong than burning the flag.

People are ignorant as a whole.  This one mother had 2 boys around that age and they took baths together, she caught them one time doing what you said.  She freaked out.......There was no reason for this, as I said, children are curious.  The only problem this may cause you is if you tell other people that know you personally, as they may look at it the wrong way and make horrible assumptions, it's what people do.

It's all about intention.  Dr's commonly touch men and women in those places, but they aren't doing it in a sexual way, this is why people don't feel guilty about such things as that.  Yous hould take this incident in the same light.  Hell, even laugh about it:)  He might not have been really leading you along, I doubt he even knew what was going on wasn't the norm either.  But if something feels good, at that age you see no reason not to do it.  CHildren are innocent, I'm not saying children should be pleasuring each other but in reality the only real reason it's considered wrong is because that's how people have labled it.

Hey here's a reality check.  Say this thing had never happened, then odds are your life would be entirely different, you probably wouldn't have the wife and kids, and life you do now had it not happened, so all-in-all it turned out to be a good learning experience:)

I'd say don't worry about it, and if it keeps bothering you talk to a psychologist about it, he'll probably say much of what I have:)  I'm sure you felt at least a little better just posting it on here:)

[Roger Gould, M.D.]

What you describe is the natural curiousity of children. There is nothing to be ashamed of, and it is not uncommon for older children to experiment with younger children for the same reason. Children do it all the time.  Remember an 11 year old is still a child even if more advanced, and that 11 year old was preparing for adolescence, so experimenting with you was safe,as it seems to have been for you.

[platinum]

This is just my opinion but I think that you may be feeling guilty over the incident.  It has been hidden for quite some time and is now surfacing.  You should allow yourself to openly think about it, feeling whatever it is you need to-acknowledge the feelings completely and I think you will move on.  I wish you the best with your situation and hope you find the answers you are looking for.