Adult Problems of being an Only Child

[only child]

Can anyone steer me to a web site that deals with current adult problems as a result of being an only child?
Thanks

[Jeniece E]

I am an only child of an only child and I adopted a child with autism. I will have no grandchildren. As I age I have began to worry who will be here to support me. I have a few close friends and have enjoyed watching their children grow. I have thought about starting an only child club but don't know how to begin. Any Ideas ?

[ginsy]

I think that Only Children do have challenges that are different from those faced by children with siblings, but I disagree with the previous poster whose life experiences are not necessarily shared by all only children.

Only Children do face the challenges of socializing when their independent and sometimes introspective natures may be seen as oddball by peers, but is this necessarily a bad thing?   Loneliness is a part of the human experience and it seems to me to be far less healthy for someone to exist constantly needing to be surrounded by people for stimulation.  Only children often develop creative pursuits, independent thinking, the ability to socialize with those much older than themselves (because their first "peer group" was more likely their parents than siblings) and the ability to form a few deep friendships rather than many shallow ones.  Hopefully in this day and age of many only children, at least one of these friendships will be with another Only who can share the tribulations and triumphs of being an Only.

I do agree with the previous poster that much also depends on the family structure -- some parents of Onlies could have the tendency either to coddle or be too strict with their child, but this is also possible with mutiple children.  And, as much as Onlies may feel added challenges when it comes to caring for aging parents, sibling issues are no less of a challenge (worrying about who is really taking better care of the parents, differences of opinion over the best form of care, etc.)

[An Only Child]

I was raised an only child (a brother died soon after I was born).  The last thing in the world I wanted was to have only one child, but unfortunately that's how it's ended up--my second child was killed in an accident.  So I've experienced many facets of being an only child.


It's unbearably lonely being an only child--and it gets worse the older you are. You are usually an oddball during your school years--most people have at least two children.   If you live in a rural area or a small town, you rarely have playmates.  Your parents have everything invested in you--sometimes they are way too strict--won't let you go or grow up.  

Your children do not have cousins, aunts or uncles.  There are no large family holiday, etc. get-togethers.  And, the worst is when your elderly parents are dying--you have no one to comfort you, talk to, or go thru it with--you're on your own.  You have no break or relief from the agony of watching them die, etc.

When you are the parent of an adult only child, if you don't get along with that child, tough.  You have no other options.  That child's children will be your only grandchildren.  

I do not recommend having only one child to anyone!  The only time it might work is if you have a huge extended family close by to offer love, support, companionship throughout life.

[Roger Gould, M.D.]

Sorry, I don't know of any such sites, but I would guess there will be one.  But be careful...it is easy to "become a syndrome" when what you really want is a finely nuanced understanding of what is bothering you. If you want to try the Mastering Stress program link above, and request a review by me,I may be able you get started on that quest.