You are understandably tired of all these shrinks and therapist but they are still what you need...especially the therapist. make sure you have some who you can talk to and trust and who has a way of making you think about life with perspective and understanding, not just talk about symptoms or immediate crises. That is what you are missing now, from what you are saying here, and that is what can get you back on a good and hopeful track.
i just wanted to tell you that i read your post and am thinking of you and your child.
i know it is disheartening to go through so much only to end up at one brick wall after another. nobody wants to go through starting and stopping meds b/c they don't work or they have side-effects. but you need to take special care b/c you do have the cutting issues going on.
i went through alot before i finally found myself on medication that helped me. i think i tried everything under the sun and i just couldn't seem to get any kind of stabilization of my mood (mostly very dark depression). finally i tried something for long enough and it started to work and i feel normal for the first time in my life!
you are not alone, stay with a therapist and keep looking around for more boards for bipolar patients, i am sure there must be more out there that you could find by doing a search!
I am not familiar with bi-polar depression, however I went through a period of depression (6 weeks to 3 months) during which I experienced all kinds of trauma. What helped me most and probably the reason I experienced healing was 30 minutes of exercise (strenuous) three times a day at first then once a day as I began to feel and look better. A healthy diet which includes lots of water and low calories (no dairy products) was also helpful. Reading books such as Dr Phil McGraw, PhD.,'s Self Matters, was exceptionally helpful; following the academic exercises in those books is most helpful, if monotonous and boring at times. I think most of us think time will do the healing but I believe time needs a lot of help. Good luck and God bless!
It is a proven fact that imthechamp.com can determine acurately whether one has bipolar disorder or not.
The website you love and hate.
I just read your post and my heart goes out to you. Please may I suggest that you seek help through God. Please pray for Him to bless you and direct you to people who can truly give you direction but most importantly His power that can truly change your life. He promises we can have life and have it more abundantly...anger, self-doubt, depression, frustration, boredom, phsycotic hysteria are all conditions of needing Him. I believe that attitude and behavioral changes through Him is the answer, not shrinks and meds. You have a little girl/boy that needs you and you should not put that child at risk on meds and hopelessness. Their is hope and a future for you and it is a prayer away - please read that the only answer to your pain is Jesus Christ. I know I sound religious but what have you got to lose. Read the Bible and see for yourself. Find a God fearing BIBLE church...suggest watching Charles Stanley on Tv on Sunday mornings...HE IS FABULOUS and can help you learn about God. Thanks and God Bless.
My heart goes out to you, truly. You have been through a war. You are going to grow from this tremendously and really develop character. Charles Stanley is amazing and I agree w/ the above post. You should consider listening to Christian radio (Charles Stanley, Dr. David Jeremiah) or maybe reading some self-help books. God understands what you are going through and sometimes he throws obstacles in our life so that we will turn to Him. I think you should continue to take your medication and seek counseling as well. Don't give up this fight. Meds and counseling are God-given and can only help.
Wow, either there are a lot of crazy religious nuts out there, or the bible is really helping some of us bipolar types. I never, NEVER NEVER was into the bible before the last year of hardship that I've had -- 3 depressions, 2 hypomanias and one psychotic mania while on antidepressants. I have three young children and I have been suicidal, as well as crazily manic and having visions of God while being responsible for them. SCARY. I have felt like giving up -- this is too hard!!! I am always struggling!!! I started taking bible lessons from a Jehovah's Witness while really at a low this winter (o.k., you can all laugh now). But this woman comes by my house 2 or three times a week to check on me/convert me to her cult. So far she has not suceeded in converting me but she has made me beleive in God, and I feel like I have a set of rose colored glasses to put on when I'm feeling like this struggle is too great. This new spirituality is really grounding for me -- If I start panicking I pray, and I calm down. If things start looking gray, I look around me and remember that everything around me is an absolute miracle. I feel like a born again Christian or something -- I have a desire to change -- a new motivation to be GOOD. It's too easy to get pulled into darkness -- depression, drinking, woe is me, poor poor me, etc, etc. I'd love to just sit at a bar and drink whiskey and cry. Depression/mental depression is really seductive that way. This Christian stuff is motivating me to choose the other path -- happiness, health, cut out all of the drinking, control my rages, be more generous and kind, blah blah blah. I hope it works. The meds sure aren't much to count on. What else but God is there to count on when you've lost control of your mind/emotions/moods/anger, lost friends, almost lost a good husband... I find comfort knowing (trying to believe) there is a God who is always there to turn to.
There is absolutely a God to turn to and He sees and knows all of your hurts and struggles. He has gotten me through some excruciating times. Life itself with all of its blessings, mysteries and miracles declares there is a God. We may not understand everything and frankly we're not supposed to. That's where faith comes in. Be leary of false teachings though and try to read the Bible for yourself and come to your own conclusions. Some religions are very misleading and don't teach the truth. I hope you find comfort in knowing that God loves you and wants what is best for you and will never leave your side. "I can do everything through him who gives me strength." -Phileppians 4:13