Bipolar

[Jackie]

I was diagnosed four years ago with Bipolar
Depression. Recently I have also been diagnosed with BPD. I have been in and out of hospitals and have had 38 ECT Treatments. I have no memory of my past. I don't seem to be getting any better. I don't think I ever have any manic episodes just a time that I really feel good. That doesn't last very long. I have also had numerous therapist.  My therapist now is treating me for BPD.  She ask me questions such as what are you feeling?  I can't answer her because I have no emotions or feelings.  I feel like body with no existance. I feel like I am at my ropes end.  Recently I have not been eating I have lost fifteen pounds. For the last two weeks I have been burning and cutting myself with a razor blade.  Thats the only time I can feel anything. I would like to disappear from this life.  I need to know will things get better if I continue or are my doctors telling me this so I won't kill myself.  I really need to know the truth no matter how much it hurts.  Thank You.

[HFHS MD - RG]

I am sure that your doctors are treating you because there is treatment in the condition tat you are suffering from.

Like other medical problems, like hypertension or diabetes, psychiatric conditions are chronic. That means that it stays with an individual for very long.

In treating your condition, you as a patient and the doctor(s)work on a common goal. you need to be clear with that with them. If you have any small doubts, this may affect your progress. Be honest with them, if you feel that what they are doing are not effective, let them know so they can offer you something that may work for you. Therapy and medications work best for patients but it is important that you trust your treating clinicians as well.

[Susan]

I am so sorry you are suffering so much.  Believe me, I have been where you are and there is hope!  I suffered from depression so severe so many years that I lost count; my diagnosis was major depression with psychotic features. I literally had to keep from killing myself on a number of occassions and did end up cutting my wrist.  I, too, felt nothing and it actually felt good to do it.  I know what it is to feel nothing, to be so depressed I had to crawl across the floor to put on my shoes, and want to die to end the pain.

Now I have been diagnosed as bipolar.  I became moderately manic for the first time that I realized in April of 99.  I am not feeling manic now, but I feel good, no depression, I am so thankful and enjoy life now.  My doctor gave me Effexor and it has been working well for me. Even if I feel depressed again, I will know I will come out of it again.

Good luck to you and hang in there.  You are not the only one to feel all those things.  I am one who has felt all that you have mentioned and I am doing so well.

[Kristen]

Hang in there.  I am praying for you.