give me an advise doc.

[ScientificMan]

i hate people who i don't know. like strangers. because when i pass through them like in the streets or any places,
they started to act because of me. for example:

1.) i walked on the streets. when theres a person who  im going to pass by. they will look at me and then they're going to grip their belongings or bags like im going to steal it. - i really hate it. and it happens every time. when ever it happens i always said "fck you" quietly with out looking at them.

2.) departments store. when ever i go to a department store. the guards always starred at me. its like im going to steal something.

in short. i always catching attention of people.  i look at the window and watch people walking. and they don't look at each other. i want to be like that.

i don't look good. i have a deviated septum and my nose is blocked. im physically and emotionally uncomfortable with it. i only sleep for 4 hours. my eyes is big and with a starred expression  with eyebags too.

im really look addict or a criminal right now. its like when there is a crime happening and i'm there, they're going to suspect me.
im always on the offensive and im having these hate, "i don't like you" expression of my face when im outside of my house.

i don't have the money right now to undergo operation. so im  living with it.

im a clean man. i don't have vices like drugs or alcohol and i never hurt people physically. and i don't do crimes.

most people think im a thief based on there reaction towards me and i hate it. its hard when you don't look good.

last doctor.
is it possible that the mind split into two?. like the other one is emotional and the other half is logical?. because 8 years ago i experience quick headache in the middle of my head. and when i look at the mirror. my both eyes have different expression.

i thank you in advance.  

[Roger Gould, M.D.]

It's unfortunate that people are so suspicious and that you have certain looks that stimulate their suspicion...the best you can do is just live your life, and deepen your personal relationships so the stranger on the street will not be so important to you...yes, it is true that our mind can conveniently be described as having an emotional and a logical part..the emotions being automatic, the logic being the thoughtfulness we apply to life, and that is what you have to do....

[Jaquta]

People can stare at all sorts of things and people.  Often it will be because something has caught their attention: fat people, thin people, black people, white people, old people, young people, people with hair, people without hair, people with disabilities, etc.
If people bother to take the time to look they will have an immediate first impression.  I expect these impressions or judgments are based a lot on our own values and beliefs.
I expect you may also be quick at appraising which means you see people's reactions before they can mask it or make a further evaluation.  I think what you also see is the person's reflex response to protect themselves and their property.
You could also be misinterpreting what you're seeing based on how you think others may perceive you.  Meaning that any look will reinforce your current belief.

Good security will stare at everyone.  Observe is probably a better word.  Perhaps some stare/ glare to deter (that's the primary role of a lot of guards).

Some people take note of their surroundings but many don't.  In today's society most people are way to busy or pre-occupied to appreciate the world they live in.

Bummer about your nose!  Is there no way you can get it sorted sooner?
Perhaps people think you have the flu and so pulling away from you is like creating a personal defense for them??  Just another thought.
Are you not able to access public funds/ services?  It sounds like your nose could be making you seriously unwell.

If you yourself think you look like an addict or crim then perhaps it is understandable that others may also see you as such.  Not that that doesn't make it any less painful or aggravating for you.

I've had similar thoughts myself at times.  When I've been unwell I've sometimes had thoughts of killing my mother.  It stresses me to think that if my family are killed that I would come under suspicion, just because I had mh issues.
It's interesting how our own preoccupation with our issues starts to affect how we think and behave.  If we're law abiding, why should we be so afraid?

Perhaps if you work on your facial expression and try and rein in your defensiveness people may start reacting differently to you.  Perhaps with sympathy or interest rather than mistrust??

In a form of treatment I was suppose to be accessing for my mh issues they have a skill where you are asked to access both the emotional and rational aspects of your personality and integrate them so you can access both and not just the emotional or rational/ logical part.

I think to look at each eye separately there would need to be some changes, however small, and in this brief space of time perhaps your expression could have changed?

Take care.

J