Compulsive Lieing

[sorrento]

Please advise me how to help my lovely gentle 18 yr old son to stop lieing. He has a wonderful girlfriend who he lies to constantly. Not just to get himself out of trouble wihich is often the case but huge fabrications of story's for no apparent reason.  I can see he has a self esteem problem yet has huge amounts going for him. Good looking and intelligent.  I really want him to be happy and have a successful happy life and would like to take him to somewhere, for help but don't know where or how to go about this as he's really now an adult and also doesn't really want to accept he has a problem.
I have had a problem with him smoking marijuhana, he has burnt himself with cigarettes on the arm during a breakup with his girlfriend. He dropped out mid way through his first year of uni after not telling anyone that he hadn't been going for three months but saying he had.
He only has a very small group of friends who I can say are absolute no-hopers.
He is so shy and yet can be the life of the party.  
This sounds as if I expect too much.  I don't.  I want him to be happy and not lie and be able to face consequences and not have to fabricate stories to impress anyone or get out of trouble or just please someone.
I could go on to tell you all the hundreds of lies but there are too many.  He has also stolen things, small amounts of money and items like lollies etc but doesn't need to.
He is intelligent and has so much going for him  Happy family life, so why?
This is really making me feel very very unhappy and I am feeling sick with worry.  Please advise me how I can get him help without refusing.  ( ihaven't asked him to go as I am sure he doesn't see his problem.)

[Mazaree]

I feel your pain, I have an 18 year old daughter, she lies all the time, it started when she was three years old and has continued down to this day. She lied in school when she was 4th grade and told the teacher that I made her sit in a high back chair all night and would not let her go to bed, she had cheated on her spelling test and told the teacher that is why she done it when she was caught cheating. I went to the school when I heard she had said this, and right in front of the teacher and pricncipal she told them that they were lying she did not say a thing. she steal also, little things she does not need, she told me once she stole my money because she wanted more money than I had. She steals from her big sister, and she skipped school and lied and said she was there, she went to college last year, and never hardly went to class but was alway in place when we picked her up. She lied when we found out and said that the teachers did not like her so they are lying on her. Her final and most awful lie was when she told us that she had met a guy in the Army that was 20 and that he had asked her too marry him, she even showed us the engagement ring that was very small indeed, but the point is she told us that this guy was in the Army so we would not meet him, but low and behold three months ago she married a 44 year old middle school teacher whom she met while attending school off campus. We have the lincense and everything which we received from a friend that works for the county. She  texted my sister and said that she was in Texas and with her Fiancee that was in the army on leave, when in reallity she lives about two miles from us in a small run down home, and the only thing she has is a car to drive. She has no idea we know where she stays, she called a friend from her school just a few days ago and told her she was married too this young boy she met in College, she does not attend college anymore, she is so ashame to let people know that she married this first time married teacher, he must be a fool also. She has been hiding out from us the whole marriage but she has been seen by friends of mine whom she ignore, I guess she is pretending she is invisable, both our kids have problems, it is hard to help them, they will not let you, compulsive lieing is a mental problem and if they do not want help they will not get it. I am afraid that her lieing will catch up with her also, she lies just to lie, whenever she opens her mouth a lie comes out. And also she can be the sweetest thing on earth, she shows that side so people will not know the real her. I pray you can help your son, I think my daughter is beyond help, but time will tell.

[[email protected]]

Sorry for the problem that you are having with your son,I also was a lier growing up but had to catch my self when i feel a lie coming on, this is not a laughing matter but siruse matter.lets start with what cause a person to lie,when the person is growing up he or she may tell a lie to thier parents for attion (the parent give it to them) this is wrong! you should always let he or she know when they are telling a lie,because a person know when they are lieing so it is best for you to correct them when you hear a lie. Also stop lieing for them. any more ? email me at powersplash.***@****
luv to help.

[Roger Gould, M.D.]

I think your son's trouble with lying is part of a bigger picture, and at this time he is failing in a very important transtion in life, leaving home and going to school. He should get counseling by a psychiatrist, and you can find one in your area by going to www.psychologytoday.com, and consult their directory.

One way to get him to go is to not talk about the lying, but talk about his trouble getting his life together.

[ABCMomof3]

People lie because they are hiding something or are trying to get attention or recognition. People also lie because they are afraid of telling the truth; usually when a person is afraid of telling the truth it is because they have been shamed by someone in the past when they were being truthful and they avoid feeling that way again by lying instead of being honest. Sometimes lying feels good; so maybe your son is seeking to feel good and lying is his only vice.

Maybe your son just needs a good talking to by you; someone he can fully trust. You could tell him that you know he lies, and that it will get him no where in life; at least no where that he really wants to be.........it will mostly get him in trouble and it will mostly get people laughing at him; because it will become obvious that he's a liar and it will get him lonely too, because no one wants to spend time with someone untrustworthy.

I feel really bad for him, because there has to be some deep reason as to why he lies like he does. I really hope he can turn his life around, because I have a 17 year old son and something like this would break my heart if he were doing what your son does; so I can imagine how painful this is for you.

Stay faithful to your son and always be someone he can count and just because he is 18 doesn't mean his troubles are out of your hands; he still needs you.

[fakiren]

Sorry for my language. I think he doesn