I have been diagnosed for years with Bi Polar. I have never been able to take meds properly, for one reason or another. Lithium, depakote, Tegretol- all make me have rashes and other side effects. I am also recently confirmed to be Narcoleptic, by a blood test. I take Dexedrine for narcolepsy, but no other meds at the moment I am happily married and have a stable work history as well.
Recently, my wife of 10 years had me arrested for domestic violence and assault. I was upset over some things she did, and my fears of abandonment kicked in. I threw a drinking glass at the sink near her, and shards of glass showered her. My screaming and threatening behavior motivated her to leave as quickly as possible. She attempted to remove our three small children, but I was afraid if she left, I would never see her again. I refused to let her take our five year old.
I have never been violent in our marriage. I do not abuse substances, and am fairly predicatable. This whole incident unsettled her so much, she called the Police in fear for her son. I do have (selling it today) an automatic type assault weapon, and she was afraid I would do something very stupid. Four car loads of officers surounded my house and were prepared for a hostage situtaion. At the time, my son was safe and not in the home. I did not want him to see anymore. I was in total shcok at the "artillery" with which they came to my home. needless to say, I was as docile and compliant as any person could be. I was totally out of touch with any of this, and could not understand why I was going to jail.
All charges have now been dropped or exonerated, and our lives once again seem "normal". My wife now tells me she will not stay with me unless i remain on some sort of medication. I fear I have breeched a security within my family, and they now are afraid of me. I need help. I have tried to take meds, really tried.
I have to be medicated for Narcolepsy, but am concerend that someone like me is being given amphetamines and nothing else.
I am truly a non violent person, and I could not believe all of this had ahppened "just because I got upset". I am so out of touch with reality over this, I am no longer able to be objective. I merely complied with whatever was asked, and I stayed in jail 48 hours with no complaints, no resentments.
I cannot tell you even now, that I am sure I have Bi Polar. How insidious this disease is! How debilitating. How sad for my family. I hope and pray there are other medications that I could take besides the standard "big three". I have tried many times to remain on the right meds. I simply cannot take those three medications. Are there other drugs? I am so furstrated with the psychological community, the pharmocological community, I dont even want to try anymore. I have been seeing the same Doctors for three years, and not once have I ever missed an apponitment until I stopped going all together three months ago. I have made an appointment with a new PDoc, and I am praying he will be able to help me.
I have tried to manage myself mostly with will-power and abstinance of drugs, etc. I am at the end of my rope. I am ready to totally give it all up. I am so sorry and humiliated that my own children are afraid of me, that my wife of 10 years had to be placed in the situtation of choosing between her husband and her son.
Anything, informtaion, encouragement, suggestions- anything anyone could offer me at the moment would be greatly appreciated.
Ken