can i be changed

[kmathis70]

hi, i know before you told me i'm a self critic. true i am .but let me explain more. i was forced to abort at age 13. after that i heard voices and began self mutilation.i felt no matter what i had to have someone in my life to love or take care of. i was raped several times at 15 only to be told it was my fault. i can't watch tv about rape or abortion or i freak , relivingthe momments in the past. i've been in many abusive relationships so now i expect all of them to be that way . i love and hate all with in minutes of each other. i can go from suicidal to homicidal.ive even planned on how to kill my bf's before needless to say he put me in the hospital. then stol all my money. i want to be in a relationship but how do i when i know they are gonna be messed up. ive had so many dx i don't know what i am . but am going on 16 to get real eval done . maybe that will help . the med i take celxca don't help. ambilify does but leaves me so sleepy. i feel like if i can't fix problems for people then i have no worth. what do you advise on this. i now you can't treat over the net just want your advice

[Roger Gould, M.D.]

Jaquta is giving you some good advise, the most important is to get into treatment after a good evaluation and start sorting this out and making the positive changes you need now to build your self confidence.

[Jaquta]

I'm sorry about your traumatic past.
Your bf was correct in taking that action.  As bad as living with your diagnoses are, hurting him would have made things infinitely worse.
My goal is to address my own issues before engaging in an intimate relationship.
Perhaps the problem is you feel you have so little self-worth (or as the doctor said previously, you feel undeserving) that you accept anything from a relationship, even abuse.
You are you.  You don't need a diagnosis to tell you who you are.  You are kind, caring, considerate, funny, ...

I think you should hang in till the 16th and go from there.
At some point I expect you will have to confront the stuff you don't want too.

Take care.
J