Thanks slandis. I haven't taken meds in a long time. I would really rather battle it out than gain weight :). But I do worry that if I can't take care of myself how can I take care of patients. But at the same time the obsessing could be useful in taking care of patients because checking and double checking can lower the amount of errors a person makes. I do wonder though since my current physican threw my old records away how the school would find the diagnoses anyway unless of course I have to disclose every physician I have been to in the last five years. That will really make me look bad. My grades are excellent and my entrance exam was excellent maybe this will help.
Either way, you already have evidence of a disorder on your records and so you will just need to be truthful about your diagnosis. Take the medicine because it will make you feel better, live more fully, as well as help you do better in school and in your future career. Also, do it for your patients who will need someone who is capable of truly being positive and supportive when they are ill - that's something you simply cannot fake. Also, if you continue to not take care of your illness, it will effect your work and will eventually cause your employer to notice your behavior. It would be much better to prove yourself as a great student and future employee by receiving treatment, as well as be upfront. Particularly since you're going into a medical field, the person hiring you should understand your illness and that it shouldn't affect who you are as a person or as a nurse since you are receiving treatment. Also, he/she will also be able to figure out whether you are lying about needing treatment simply by watching your behavior and adding that to your previous history. Admit it, you won't get away with it for too long, so just be upfront and take care of yourself today instead of digging yourself into a much deeper hole. I believe it will be a decision you will be glad you made once you start feeling better. Remember, right now you're depression is making you think all these negative thoughts. So when that happens, just think about what my doctor says to me, "Your depression is lying to you - it's lying like a rug." Now, doesn't the corniness of such a truthful statement make you feel a little better? No? Well, just imagine it with a hick accent then. :)
There are a lot of decisions to be made, and this kind of forum is not the place to make them all, but let me give you some advice to ponder. Sometimes medications are used too often to cover the normal ups and downs of life, and since that is what you are mostly describing, maybe you should talk more with your therapist about the option of not taking any meds now. Also, new drugs promise more help but all the research so far shows that the newer drugs have not proven to more effective than the older ones... some things to think about.