I have been married to my husband for 20 years. For approximately the past 10 years, I have been emotionally unattached to him. I'm not quite sure how this came to be, but I suspect it is connected to his insecurity and subsequent jealousy and possessiveness with me down through the years, often leading to rage bordering on violence. I have known for some time that I was not emotionally attached to this man. I didn't miss him when he was gone, and I dreaded when he came home. He was so sexually demanding, that I think I grew resentful and really started to dislike him. It was something I had come to accept, and although I wasn't fulfilled in my marriage, I was the only one who had to know that. This plan worked until 2 years ago, when my one-time fiance and I bumped into each other. I had been faithful for 18 years, but suddenly I found myself falling - hard - for my past love. The feeling was mutual, and very quickly I realized that my heart had found its home. He is married, with small children, and after 2 years of flirting with the idea of taking steps to be together, he has ended our relationship. Now I am left heartbroken, although I understand why it has to be this way. Now my husband is pressuring me to go to counseling to "make it work". The problem is, I still have no emotional attachment to my husband. He thinks he can heap guilt and financial concerns on me and that will make me "come around". He doesn't seem to get it that I am emotionally dead to him...I suppose I could stay in this for everyone else's sake, but I don't know if I can carry on the charade for an indefinite period of time. Is there something wrong with me that I am emotionally unattached to my husband? I truly do not feel any love for him, other than the basic love I have for all humankind. He calls me a cold-hearted *****, saying I have f***ed him over, am ruining our teenage sons' lives and that I will rot in Hell for it. I am so troubled by all of this. I understand that I can't have my one love...it has saddened me beyond words, but I am dealing with that fact. But the thought of staying with a man I do not love, being his companion, making (gulp) "love" to him, faking my way through the rest of my life with him, is unbearable to me. We live in a small town, and naturally I am concerned that he is busily convincing people that I am a cold-hearted *****. Everyone "loves" him, thinks he's just the nicest guy. No one else has had the experience of being his wife. No one else has had to put up with the years of accusations, criticisms over the smallest of details, such as wearing lipstick, fixing my hair or getting contacts (he claims these are signs of my vanity and my desire to find someone else)or being made to feel like a sex slave. Do you think that I have a dysfunction, being emotionally unattached to him? He maintains that it's all "me", that I'm to blame for everything falling apart. Please advise.