Hostile Husband

[tumbles]

My Husband has always had an alcohol addiction.  Because of this he now has congestive heart failure.  He takes 6 different prescribed medications daily.  However he has always been a "rager" although a non violent one until recently.  I just found out he has been taking his best friends oxycontin 60 mg.  He also uses methamphetamine.  
He has always had "an attitude" problem.  He calls it a rage when he can talk about it.  That's only been 2 times in 5 years.  He can't sleep most of the time, he has major anxiety attacks and his mood swings are out of no where.  What you think would normally make someone mad he tolerates but snaps and flips out over absolutely nothing.  Now he literally accuses me of things that have never happened.  It's like talking to someone I've never met.  I've wondered at times if I have lost my mind.  I go to therapy over this.  He hit me once last february out of the blue.  His children won't even go near him.  It's almost like he believes what he saying to be true but it's not.  He has completely isolated himself.  No one will go over to the house to see him.  His doctor's say he has problems that I can't help him with.  This just isn't Ken.  I don't know what to do or how to reach him and I've tried everything from jail to love.  Nothing works.  I don't want him to have another heart attack.  I'm not sure but I believe it's a combination of mental disorders and imbalances with chemical abuse.  What do I do?  What are the side effects of Oxycontin?  Mixed with the other medications and meth?  Will it kill him?  Who should I seek out for help for him?  Please help me, I love my husband, but this isn't my husband it's a monster.

Thank you.

[butterfly31]

Well unlike most of you my husband isnt a drinker nor does he do drugs, But he is very abusive, we have been married for 12 years and numerous times he has beaten me. We have a 11 year old daughter, she has seen her fair share of what he can do to someone. I talked to everyone I knew about why he was doing this knowing full well that the answers were always the same,, They didnt know why being he wasnt a drinker or a user of some sort. I kept this from my parents for a lot of years until recently. His parents knew the whole time but just turned their heads and didnt care. Finally after I was able to get on my feet after getting hurt from working 2 jobs to keep a roof over our heads and to take care of my daughter I kicked him out. Its been going on 2 1/2 years now,, We havent divorced as of yet, but we live in different states and thats for the best.  So for you women who are going through this,, Please get out,, Its never to late unless you keep it that way. And DONT STAY FOR THE KIDS,, that is the worst thing you can do,, all your doing is messing up their minds for their future,, I KNOW,, I have been there and my daughter is going through alot even with the help of people she talks to.. Good Luck to you all ,,,

[linemgr]

I understand completely what you are going through.  When I married my husband I found out he had a gambling addiction.  It took him 6 years and a family intervention to finally do something about it.  I found out during treatment that he was overcoming a cocaine addiction when we met.  Soon after the gambling stopped, the alcohol abuse started.  He drank heavily for almost a year and a half when he got sick suddenly and was also diagnosed with congestive heart failure.  He started drinking again about 3 months after he was diagnosed (which was about 2 years ago) and these last 4 months it has gotten worse and worse.  All he does from the time he gets home from work is sit outside on the porch and drink until he goes to bed.  He has been calling in sick VERY FREQUENTLY, he does absolutely nothing around here, and his moods really scare me.  He does really bizarre and immature things.  Things that you would expect a little kid to do not a 44 year old man.  He gets mad over nothing.  He'll pout for days over reasons that I have no clue.  He constantly (and I mean constantly) mumbles under his breath.  I know that he has an addictive personality disorder, and some of the things he's been doing sounds like depression, but I can't help but wonder about this other bizarre and childlike behavior.  Sometimes, me and my kids just stare at him in complete and udder disbelief.  Have you experienced any bizarre behavior with your husband?  Any advice or insight would be a great help.

[woo62970]

He's an addict. Not much you can do for him. He needs to help himself. til he sees he has a problem and seeks the help he needs it will just get worse and worse. You are married to  him legally you can sign him into a hospitol for 21 days. BUT that will do no good for him if he feels that he has no problem and when he gets out that agression will be 10 times worse on you. If he is violent towards you and your children I suggest you get out of that envirment I know you love the man but sometimes love isn't enough. If you keep telling him he needs help and he refuses to aknowlegde he has a problem then you need to step  back before you and your children gets hurt you can only do so much. It is up to him to get better. First step is admitting there is a problem second is doing something about it. Only he can do that.

[Keegan]

Hi, you say your husband will have mood swings out of nowhere that is how i used to be.  i used to say it's cause, i'm an artist.  but, anyhow, i know i could be difficult to live with. i am certain i have a chemical imbalance because, I DIDN'T want to go on any meds.  I had anxiety also.  Now, i have been taking 20mg of paxil and it is helping so much. It helps with my anger & anxiety.  I do not have mood swings except when i am pms and they don't last long. My husband is also on paxil and it helps him concentrate better.  He has been off of it for 3 days at a time and he says he gets zaps in his head, like a shock.  so, you know... talk to a therapist about this.  good luck!  Please, don't stay with anyone who raises a hand to you.

[nuker]

Your husband needs help!   Get him to an addiction center right away or at least in a program for addiction.  I'm currently in a 10-week long session for alcohol/narcotic addiction and the therapy is really working!

[Roger Gould, M.D.]

Your situation is dire, and it sounds almost impossible to do anything about. Your love and sense of responsibility push you to try, and try you must, but don't expect too much.

First of all, you should talk to the doctor who is managing all of his medications and heart problems about the oxycontin. He should know and advise you and your husband..

YOur husband needs the therapist more than you do.  HOw can you get him into treatment.  That is the goal, since only he can change his patterns.

You also have to protect yourself and your children from physical abuse.  It sounds dangerous and unpredictable. Seek help from your therapist.

These are the best ways to help him and help yourself I can think of.  Maybe others on this forum have some other ideas.