How to deal with an angry husband

[ctuesday]

I'm lost...my husband has a sharp comment at the end of each answer when I ask him a question.  If I have an opinion about anything I'm automatically wrong; he'll side with dirt on the ground before I could possibly be right.  Seems everything I say ticks him off.  When he calms down, most times I can explain to him gently my view which he'll admit is right 90 percent of the time.  We can't go a day without his temper flairing.  Yesterday we were stamping letters, I (softly) said "stamps go in the other corner"... first he said he didn't do, then harsly stated I did it exactly like you told me too, he got louder and angry then realized and admitted he had put them on the wrong side; stormed out the room saying it's only one.  Later when he was calm I explained to him how he went off on me showing him this is the behavior that's hurting our marriage.  He didn't go off on me...here's where I'm lost... If he can't see him 'blowing up' he can't change his behavior and said he's not taking any anger management classes.  Help!!!

[Roger Gould, M.D.]

Instead of anger management classes,invite him to see a marriage counselor with you to figure out why this behavior is happening, especially since it can be so harmful  to the marriage...looking together is a better course than hoping he will change unilaterally.

[TOMBOMB]

My wife can get like that.  Drives me nuts.  When I need to voice some hurt feelings or something,  she just gets angry right away.  Dosnt listen to what I have to say. shes got a bit of a temper like that. It just makes the whole process of resolving conflict take way to long.  When she finally does listen like an adult,  then the argument is over right away and she often agrees that I was right.

but listen,  sounds like the guy is frusterated with being wrong 90% of the time.  Are you telling him when he is right,  are you praising him when he does things well.  All men or most men myself inculded are like dogs.  We love to be patted and rewarded for being good dogs.  

Think about it,  how do you train a dog.  Was it maslov or pavlov or some psychologist who said that animals respond better to positive reinforcement?  If you are overcritisizing him,  like I often to to my wife,  maybe he feels beaten like a dog who is always punished and will become dangerous.  Are you giving him more praise then punishment/critisism.  I would feel angry and dejected if I was wrong 90% of the time.  Are you subtly emotionally beating him?  Could your own negativity,  trying to change him,  be causing his temperflairs.  Or maybe he needs some medication.  Maybe he needs to start smoking pot to cool it,  I dont know.  It just sounds like you may be overly critical.  

Marrage is fifty fifty,  what are you doing that could be pissing him off?  How can you change your own behavior so that your not pressing his anger button?

So if you cant admit that you are half the problem then I would say that your the problem.  

peace and love

tommorrows my 7 year anniversary