Am I going crazy?

[Brooks60]

I am a 47 year old single mother with two teenage boys and a demanding job. I have a family history of anxiety/depression and OCD. Last yr. I was diagnosed with ADD and take Adderall XR 30mg. I have tried many anti-depressants in the past and most recent Zoloft 50mg.  I still have had no energy, no short-term memory, am exhausted, don't sleep well.

I enjoy my job although it is quite demanding. I have been working 50 to 55 hours per week in order to not get behind (ADD & OC).  Until recently I got along very well with my boss and everyone.  I seem to have lost my common sense and have been stepping on a lot of toes.  I was written up for violating a couple of company policies and snapping at my supervisor.  When these things occurred I truly did not think I was doing anything wrong, but in retrospect I know I was out of line.  I have also been very short tempered with my children lately.  

I have no self-esteem and have a hard time getting over my mistakes.  I seem to keep falling into the same black hole no matter what medication I take.  I now feel I need to find a new job as I have caused too much damage. I am sick at the thought of this as I am already overwhelmed with responsibilities outside of work.    

Before I was diagnosed with ADD I had been on Effexor which seemed to work best for me, but my doctor hestiated to prescribe it with the Adderall.  The Zoloft isn't working, obviously.  I had such high hopes with Adderall, but it doesn't seem to help me one way or the other.  I can't say I am really any more focused and I certainly don't have any more energy.  

I have decided to return to counseling, although I can't say it helped much in the past and it is so expensive. Please give me some options here as I don't know what to do.
Thank you for your consideration.

  

[bridjon]

Hi Brooks 60. You have not posted to any of the replies! Your writing was articulate your explanation was detailed and concise, your understanding of your own situation is clear... So why not just go for it? You know you can…What else is to be said?  Now at least you know somebody cares how you make out… (I am not selling anything!!)

[bridjon]

OK Lets get at this, you are a woman with a great deal of responsibility. The type of responsibility is very high level, after all you are responsible for two other people. So what if you lost it a bit at work? Stop being so hard on yourself. Reflect on what happened and you may find some contributory actions on the part of others! You keep on about various medications…why not try it on your own? Leave your job…are you sure you are not just running away? Hang in there and make it your aim to show those at work you can be cool. NO do not make a big issue of it by telling people, just start being cool. Why not right now as you finish reading this. There is nothing wrong with you.

[Roger Gould, M.D.]

You and your doctor have a few options to consider, starting with just stopping the adderal and going back to effexor, and also include counseling so you have everything working for yourself.  The other alternative is small doses  of Adderal along with effexor on  a trial basis.  You will have to do some experimenting to find the right mixture.