Aa
My Children's Father has Antisocial Personality Disorder
My children's father and I have been going through the divorce process for over two years. He is an attorney in our county and has been able to delay the proceedings because he knows the judges. He has been diagnosed as having Antisocial Personality Disorder,a condition which ultimately destroyed the marriage. He has a history of being verbally,emotionally and psychologically abusive to me and our two children(12 and 14). He has a history of aggression and makes threats to the children to physically harm them in violent ways. Both children have been seen by a psychotherapist periodically.
The children and I were forced to move from the famly home when he refused to do so. He exhibited no remorse or guilt for this action, citing that he was entitled to stay in the home, alone, because he had been the main breadwinner during the marriage. He has blamed all of his problems on me, his two former wives, his parents, his former business partners, and his clients. He has no guilt about breaking the law and flaunts his illegal actions in front of the attorneys during meetings, daring them to send him to jail.
I hired an advocate to protect the children, but she has fallen under his spell. He is outwardly charming and verbally facile. He has manipulated her by lying and convincingly playing the role of victim. He has also been working on the children for two years. Through my children's revelations to me, I have learned that he lies to them constantly about his personal situation and about me. He has frightened them into believing that if they tell the advocate what is going on at his house, he will be persecuted and possibly even prosecuted by the law. They live in fear of getting him in "trouble".
I have asked him to cease this harmful behavior. He, in turn, goes to the children and accuses them of spying and tattling on him. The advocate is not a psychologist, therapist or social worker. She is a lawyer. She has been "taken in" by his lies and manipulation, and believes that he is being treated unfairly by me. She will not acknowledge his mental health history. She has not interviewed the mental health professionals who can verify my claims and concerns. She returns to court on May 6 to give her final recommendation to the court about parenting time. She is recommending that he receive MORE time with the children, because she feels sympathetic toward him.
MY QUESTION: IF THE JUDGE FOLLOWS THE ADVOCATE'S ADVICE AND GRANTS MY HUSBAND MORE PARENTING TIME WITH THE CHILDREN, IS THERE ANYTHING I CAN DO TO REDUCE OR COUNTERACT THE HARMFUL EFFECTS OF THIS DISORDER ON THEM? WHAT ARE THE LONG TERM INDICATIONS FOR CHILDREN WHO HAVE BEEN AND CONTINUE TO BE MANIPULATED AND "PARENTED" BY A PERSON WITH ANTISOCIAL PERSONALITY DISORDER?
The children and I were forced to move from the famly home when he refused to do so. He exhibited no remorse or guilt for this action, citing that he was entitled to stay in the home, alone, because he had been the main breadwinner during the marriage. He has blamed all of his problems on me, his two former wives, his parents, his former business partners, and his clients. He has no guilt about breaking the law and flaunts his illegal actions in front of the attorneys during meetings, daring them to send him to jail.
I hired an advocate to protect the children, but she has fallen under his spell. He is outwardly charming and verbally facile. He has manipulated her by lying and convincingly playing the role of victim. He has also been working on the children for two years. Through my children's revelations to me, I have learned that he lies to them constantly about his personal situation and about me. He has frightened them into believing that if they tell the advocate what is going on at his house, he will be persecuted and possibly even prosecuted by the law. They live in fear of getting him in "trouble".
I have asked him to cease this harmful behavior. He, in turn, goes to the children and accuses them of spying and tattling on him. The advocate is not a psychologist, therapist or social worker. She is a lawyer. She has been "taken in" by his lies and manipulation, and believes that he is being treated unfairly by me. She will not acknowledge his mental health history. She has not interviewed the mental health professionals who can verify my claims and concerns. She returns to court on May 6 to give her final recommendation to the court about parenting time. She is recommending that he receive MORE time with the children, because she feels sympathetic toward him.
MY QUESTION: IF THE JUDGE FOLLOWS THE ADVOCATE'S ADVICE AND GRANTS MY HUSBAND MORE PARENTING TIME WITH THE CHILDREN, IS THERE ANYTHING I CAN DO TO REDUCE OR COUNTERACT THE HARMFUL EFFECTS OF THIS DISORDER ON THEM? WHAT ARE THE LONG TERM INDICATIONS FOR CHILDREN WHO HAVE BEEN AND CONTINUE TO BE MANIPULATED AND "PARENTED" BY A PERSON WITH ANTISOCIAL PERSONALITY DISORDER?
My 9-year-old daughter's dad also has an antisocial personality. I diagnosed him myself and my therapist was impressed at how I was able to come up with this. He is a textbook case and I am a psych nurse. I met him through a neighbor about 13 years ago and know the exasperation of dealing with someone like him. He ran out on us, for the 2nd time, after convincing me to quit my job, of 17 years, in Sept. of 2002. He has a new pregnant girlfriend who is completely convinced that he is the victim of everyone. My daughter is completely through with him. He molested his sister for 5 years when she was aged 5-10 years. He told my teenage sons that he trapped his own cat in my garage last summer and after hitting it with a shovel, he chopped it up into pieces. I found this out, and a lot of things, later. I've spoken to him only twice since he left and his answer to everything is "Whatever". When he ran out the first time 7 years ago he married a woman and had a little boy who is 4. He lied about some things to get even with his wife for not putting up with his alcoholic abusiveness, and got custody of the boy. I found out recently from "friends" of his, that he has also conned, that the boy is stuttering now and was recently kicked out of a daycare on his first day for fighting another kid. His wife, whom he never divorced, is my ally now and we've shared our stories. I got his income tax refund in June. That was the first check I got from the DA and then he got some pricey lawyer to harrass me via 1 letter and a phone call. He told me "you need to get passed some things now" but I didn't tell him everything. Then I changed my numbers. I am completely aware that he is ill and will never change. There is a family history of this behavior. I'm very lucky that my daughter is surrounded by good men, including my bro-in-law and sons' dad. I don't date--just hang out with my kids, go to school and work. I know that he will never have the life he thinks he wants and the new girlfriend will eventually find out the truth. Stick by your kids and they will always know who the stable one is.
Thanks for your comments about my situation. Good news. I met again with my attorney yesterday. He agrees that the advocate is out of her league with this case (as she is not a mental health professional, but only a lawyer), and that my husband's mental health issues, as they relate to the children, need to be dealt with more aggressively in order to protect the children from possible further psychological harm. Thanks again for your support!
To Indyjo - Thanks for responding.
As a result of the advocate's false testimony in court, I ceased contact with her and took the children to a psycho-therapist. My husband objects to the children being in therapy, and HE has requested that the advocate write another report, backing him up and discrediting the therapist. Even though he made the request, and she is now acting on his behalf, I am still obligated to pay her fees. In an unprecedented ruling in 2001, the first judge on the case ordered that I ALONE would be financially responsible for all of her feees (currently $4,500). No one could figure out why a judge would make that kind of ruling - it was a first. Three months later, and four days before the scheduled hearing, he recused himself from hearing our case in court because he knows my husband (a lawyer in the county). That was 12/18/01. The case was rescheduled for one year later - 12/3/02. We did not finish that day, and our "part two" of the testimony will be on May 6, 2003. The new judge will have to address that conflict of interest at some point. The new judge will also have to decide whether the advocate is credible. My attorney will be questioning her again on the 6th and show that she perjured herself on 12.3.02. IF I "fire" her, it will put me in a bad light - since the case is not over. I just need to know what I can do to help my children cope with a father with this disorder. This disorder can be passed down to children unless there is some intervention.
As a result of the advocate's false testimony in court, I ceased contact with her and took the children to a psycho-therapist. My husband objects to the children being in therapy, and HE has requested that the advocate write another report, backing him up and discrediting the therapist. Even though he made the request, and she is now acting on his behalf, I am still obligated to pay her fees. In an unprecedented ruling in 2001, the first judge on the case ordered that I ALONE would be financially responsible for all of her feees (currently $4,500). No one could figure out why a judge would make that kind of ruling - it was a first. Three months later, and four days before the scheduled hearing, he recused himself from hearing our case in court because he knows my husband (a lawyer in the county). That was 12/18/01. The case was rescheduled for one year later - 12/3/02. We did not finish that day, and our "part two" of the testimony will be on May 6, 2003. The new judge will have to address that conflict of interest at some point. The new judge will also have to decide whether the advocate is credible. My attorney will be questioning her again on the 6th and show that she perjured herself on 12.3.02. IF I "fire" her, it will put me in a bad light - since the case is not over. I just need to know what I can do to help my children cope with a father with this disorder. This disorder can be passed down to children unless there is some intervention.
I'm curious about the fact that you HIRED an advocate to protect the children's rights and she has taken the other side. Can't you FIRE her?
MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL
This is a very tough situation with no easy answers. The long term effects on the children are somewhat dependent on the situation is handled. First of all, I would think that some family therapy for you and the children together with a mature therapist would be the best way to prevent any damage. That is, if they have you and a professional to talk to, then that will help them figure out how to respond to your husband in a way that works for everyone, and your husband will not be able to polarize the conflict so it is you against him.
HOpe this helps..good luck.
HOpe this helps..good luck.
I can give you a view from the childs point of view... grown up at 24 now that came from similar circumstances. While our situations were not the same the children in my family were also afraid to say anything, at a young age, about what we were going through. I think getting the children to a counselor to evaluate them, finding one that they can trust to talk to, and submiting that to the court..would have a great deal more bearing than the advocate. At 12 I believe they get to choose who they want to go see? They are young it is hard to give up completely on one parent.
I think that they might not want to "tattle" on their father, regardless of how they feel, but they also might be hesitant to lie outright about him. No judge I have ever heard of would award more rights to a parent whom the children have said threatens them.
Hopefully more people can help out =). That is just one view of the situation.
I think that they might not want to "tattle" on their father, regardless of how they feel, but they also might be hesitant to lie outright about him. No judge I have ever heard of would award more rights to a parent whom the children have said threatens them.
Hopefully more people can help out =). That is just one view of the situation.
You are reading content posted in the Depression/Mental Health Forum
15 signs that it’s more than just the blues
Can depression and anxiety cause heart disease? Get the facts in this Missouri Medicine report.
Simple, drug-free tips to banish the blues.
A guide to 10 common phobias.
Are there grounds to recommend coffee consumption? Recent studies perk interest.
For many, mental health care is prohibitively expensive. Dr. Rebecca Resnik provides a guide on how to find free or reduced-fee treatment in your area
