Negative Psychosis

[nomad10101]

Dear Doctor,

In this account I'll try and give a brief picture of what precedes the disturbance that lead me here:

-My therapist prescribes 75 mg of Effexor XR for social anxiety.
-About a month later I start to feel very disoriented, fuzzy, and my vision blurs.
-I stop the meds, but my vision gets worse, and doesn't improve for two agonizing months and with major help from homeopathic treatment.
-Six months after the Effexor ordeal, I find myself here:

I'm a 21 year old and recently enrolled myself in an intensive day-treatment program for depression and [severe] social anxiety,  but am worried about what else is going on with me. Firstly, I seem to be hearing my thoughts spoken to me. They're short phrases; no dialog or voices other than my own, but still, it seems very abnormal. I'm not too worried there though. The mind is so complex that being sensing more than one corner at once can't be so nutty. It seems similar to racing thoughts. What really bothers me is what else I've been feeling.

I've been experiencing what I'll term, from what I've been reading online, some of the negative symptoms of psychosis. I feel like my thoughts are slowed down, my brain so heavy and clouded that it can be hard to think straight. It's like my brain is stoned -- a feeling I haven't experienced since I quit  smoking pot a year and a half ago. The psychiatrist at the program I attend thought it was major depression and wanted to prescribe Buspar, but I still remember effexor! Im a bit wary.

On my second visit  to the program psychiatrist I tried to elaborate more, which caused him to suggest .5 mg of Risperidone from a simple SSRI. However, I'm still afraid of meds and wonder if all this can be overcome by taking advantage of the program I'm in. Can I fix my mind without commercial meds?

Anyway, all these forum threads and websites I've been reading have me unsure of my state. Any advice? Am I psychotic, depressed, schizophrenic? I don't want to lose myself. So many of these characteristics could fit me that I feel like I'm losing it. The program I'm in is a group of 20 people. Most days I find it so hard to comminucate with them. Eye contact has always been a big thing with me, so I just put my head down and kind of ignore everyone when groups aren't in session (we get 20 minute breaks between groups). This makes it hard for people, I suppose, to include me. What should I do there?

Sincerely,
a concerned soul

[Roger Gould, M.D.]

First of all, its very good that you are in the program, and try to make eye contact, and friends, and work hard in the group therapy. That is very necessary.

Re the medications. You should seriously taking the last one your doctor recommended, risperidone, and then see what happens to your symptoms.  If they improve, that will tell you something useful, and it will make it easier for you to get something good out of the program.

[ABCMomof3]

Well, as you can see, I'm not a dr. but I could be your friend today. I read everything you wrote and I can certainly understand your fears and concerns; I'd have them too, if it were happening to me.

In my life, I have had the liberty of seeing one of the best pysch docs alive!! And so I do know a lot about this stuff, though at times I wished I didn't.

Yes, people get better without meds all the time. Please remember that and hold that hope in your heart. Everybody needs hope and I've shared mine with you, so you have lots of hope now!!

Sometimes, for no reason (or no reason we can recognize at the time) mental illness or depressions can visit us and make our lives very miserable and the world can become a very scarey place to be.

It doesn't last forever.

That is one of the things you really need to understand. You will get better. I promise you and I have faith; I have faith that this mountain of yours will be moved or made very easy for you to climb.

Something you can do to help that maybe no one has told you about; is praying. You also need to take your meds with a big glass of H2o and prayer. Walk in daylight hours, moderate exercise, good multi-vitamin and omega 3 and fish oil (good for the heart and brain)

My dr. told me that there is strong evidence that omega 3 fatty acid works in treating depressive illness when used in conjunction with antidepressants. Sometimes people don't respond as well to their medications until omega 3 is added.

Maybe you could mention this to your own dr.

you know what you should do, you should get some little sticky notes and write down little cheery suggestions to yourself; I do and it really does help.

I wrote down *today, I am healthy and well* or * depression only lives if its fed, today I will not feed my depression*

WE all have a tendancy to feed our depressions and anxieties, even when we don't realize we are doing it. And sometimes we can think our lives our stress free when really they are not. Sometimes too much thinking can make us so overwhelmed that we can make things much worse then they really are, because we are precieving things to be threats when sometimes they aren't.

I am no longer threatened by my depression. I am no longer living in fear.

Has anyone taught you how to deep breathing exercises? Do you know that you cannot have an anxiety attack or panic attack if you are in the middle of deep breathing? When you feel an attack coming (which most people do) you can stop it in its tracks by deep breathing. To get you started on deep breathing; breathe in through your nose to the count of 5......stop for a count of 2, exhale to the count of 5. Do this a couple times and the attack will go away. Only do it a couple times, because if you are not used to giving yourself this much oxygen, it could make you feel a teeny, little tiny bit dizzy; but it won't hurt you, breathing like this is very cleansing and good for you. And when you're feeling depressed, its good to have lots of little things you can do that are good for you.

Do you realize how far you have already come in your illness? You have come so far and I'll bet you didn't ever realize you had. You noticed something wasn't quite right, you reached out for help, and you are in the process of recovering already.

Everything has a beginning, a middle and an end. So, that in itself is proof you will get over this. It will end. Someday it will be so far in your past that you won't even be able to recall how it felt, you will look back on this and say to yourself *that was a tough time in my life, but I am better now*

I will say a prayer for you tonight. And whenever you feel overwhelmed or think that you won't get better, just picture Jesus with his tender hand on your back, walking with you, and guiding you in the right direction.

Thou shalt not be afraid for the terror by night; nor for the arrow that flieth by day

There shall no evil befall thee, neither shall any plague come nigh thy dwelling

He shall call upon me, and I will answer him: I will be with him in trouble; I will deliver him, and honour him.

Those are a few verses from Psalms 91. When I was having a difficult time I would call my doc and he would tell me to get my Bible out, turn to Psalms 91 and we would read it together, outloud. I want you to do the same. Its very comforting.

I am thinking of you and I wish you well. Please trust me when I say that you will get better, because you will. And you have a wonderful future to look foward to. This time in your life is small compared to all the beauty that is waiting for you to enjoy again. You are going to recover from this; fully.

remember, I'm praying for you.