Hello Doctor:
I am a very successful 45 year old male, happily married with two boys and one girl. My Father passed away about six years ago. I grieved and moved on. My Mother, who had been sick for several years, passed away about a month ago. It hit me like a ton of bricks.
Last year I spent a lot of time worrying about my health and how I was cutting my life short by my habits. I was overweight, smoked 2 packs a day, sedentary and did no exercise. I quit smoking at the first of the year and haven't had a cigarette in four months. I started exercising and watching what I eat, and despite my metabolism shift due to quitting smoking, I have lost 18 pounds. Depression runs in my family and I have been on Prozac and now Lexapro with great success.
Beginning almost immediately after my Mom's death, I began grappling with my own mortality. I grieved for my Mother but jast as bad I was obsessed with death, particularly my own. It was dibilitating the first week or so.
Well a month has passed and it has gotten better. I function pretty normally at work, but its with me most of the time... the depression and fear of death and the unknown. I look at people that are especially really old and I think, how can they be happy, when the end is so near for them? Sometimes I am will drift out of it, usually in concentration with work or TV and begin feeling normal again but then I hear something on TV and it sets me back into the dark cloud. I have also been forgetful lately, preoccupied almost.
Will this pass? Is this normal? I have sisters that are still struggling but it seems that they are more still grieving for missing our Mother. My issues seem to have warped in this self-indulging pity party. I have started going back to church and that helps some. Any thoughts or advice on what I should do would be appreciated. Thank you.