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Avatar universal

Scared

I have been seeing a counselor for 6 months for severe depression. I can't seem to go a day without thinking about her and what she maybe thinking about me after I leave the session. I think I am making progress but am finding I am spending too much time thinking about my problems,what she may think and what will come out the next session. I am scared because she is bringing up feelings that I never knew I had. My last session left me drained. She is my only support for my fibromyalgia basically because no one in my family wants to understand what I am going through. They just want me to not complain and get over it.Is it normal to be scared of my feelings? To worry about what she thinks of me? Should I ask her what she thinks? Am I too dependent on her?I know I am the one who should be doing the talking not her. Thanks for your help.
17 Responses
242532 tn?1269550379
MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL
I think we discussed this before, but if not, it is normal to have these feelings, and in fact it means your therapy is working on a deep level. Definitely discuss this with your therapist. It is part of the therapy.
Avatar universal
I completley understand where you are coming from.  I have been suffering from severe depression for seven months now.  First of all, are you on any type of medication?  If so, or if not, you may want to talk to your therapist about if this would be a good start for you or to switch anti-depressants.  Are you seeing a counsellor or Psychologist?  In all honesty, from what I have been told and experienced, is that councellors are not properly or extensively trained for this type of situation.  They sort of dab a little into a bit of everything.  I would strongly recommend you see a Psychologist if you already aren't.  You have no idea how much I understand about thinking, and thinking, questioning things, debating things in my head for 24 hours a day.  Like you said.... DRAINED.  It's part of the depression as you know.... actually it was how mine started, being indecisive.  I just want to share something with you.  Psychologists have been well educated and trained to help people with their problems.  It takes a certain person to be able to do this.  I say this because imagine how many patients your counsellor sees in a run of a day, week, year.  Thats a lot of people and different situation that they have to work with.  An important part of being a Psychologist that they have been trained with is to: 1. Leave their work at work and do not take it home, and the same for personal home problems, they must not let that get in the way of their work. Imagine how drained your counsellor would be if she stopped or went home and thought about all of her patients and their situations??  They are taught not to have emotional attachments to their patients, and they don't.  If they worried about every little thing, then they would need a Psychologist aswell.  Psychologists are special people and have special qualities that make them successful at their jobs.  Not to sound mean, but your counsellor does not have any thoughts/feelings towards your situation after you leave.  They have so many other people and other work to do.... it's part of their job.  While you are with them, they will help, listen, offer advice, give feedback, but once you leave that room, your file is closed.  Meaning if your counsellor takes notes and you have a file folder that is kept at the office, when that closes after your session, so does your situation, until next time you see them.  I hope this helps.  I know what a struggle it is because I am dealing with depression and these feelings myself.  Take Care :)

Jeanette
Avatar universal

FM44,

Don't listen to what Jeanette is feeding you. Not all Doctors or therapists are money grubbing hurry out the door types. Many are unfortunately, more than not, but there are good ones out there.

My psychiatrist has given so much of her extra off time to me on the phone that I am surprised she did not dump me as a patient long ago. She always returns my pages and has talked at length so many times without getting paid. I plan to give her my house when my final time comes when ever the Lord takes me and that is because she is the only human that has ever given and shown unconditional caring. This is nothing weird like a romance thing, this is like a best friend or sister type thing to me. To her it's how she is with her patients. She has a heart of gold and gives so much time to mental health people, veterans addicts, and her own clients and still takes care of her husband and children.

I have often felt insecure as you mentioned because of the constant phone calls I was making in my critical suicidal periods. I also have Fibro although I think it's Lupus and pain relief is the only thing that gives me hope to live. If it wasn't for the pain killers I would definately not be around much longer. Seizures and pain just are not my thing and one can only take so much. Luckily I have Doctors that understand that and are taking care of the problems. I at least can work and function even though I am mentally unstable. Hand in there, I am sure your psychiatrist truely cares about you as a useful human being if she answers yours calls off duty like you or someone mentioned in an earlier post.
Avatar universal
God, thank you for responding. I have been so depressed since I read that my psychologist doesn't care and just thinks of me as a file, another buck in her pocket. I didn't even call her because it was her day off and didn't want to bother her. It seems to me she cares. Gives me a big hug before I leave and tells me to have a good week. I just wish I had more time. One hour flies and sometimes I need that extra time. But, then I think of the next person sitting out there and don't want to impose on there time. I am sure if when she says can we end and I said no she would give me more time. I would like to know if I did tell her what I am feeling about these bad thoughts, does she have to report that to anyone. My insurance is paying for this and believe it or not my employer owns the insurance company. Will they send me to a hospital? I can't do that. Thanks for your reply you just made my day.
Avatar universal
I am sorry if you disagree to what I am saying, but I think you may have taken it the wrong way.  First of all, I NEVER said that Psychologists and Psychiarists never cared about their patients and are money grubbing people.  I was just stating that when they leave the clinic, it is impossible for them to go home and cry for other people.  As my Psychologist told me, "We are trained not to cry when you are crying because it makes things worse, and doesn't help."  That would make them unstable and not be able to do their jobs.  To FM44:  I am sorry that you took what I said wrong.  They do care about their patients, but they can not become emotionally attached.  Does this make sence??  I hope so.  WildCat changed around everything I said.  And WildCat has issues that she/he may need to talk about with their therapist.  Leave your home to a doctor?????? Yes your therapist is your friend and confidente, but that is going to far.  I also suffer from severe depression, and sometimes people say things to me that make me upset when I know its the truth.  Don't listen to WildCat.  Your therapist cares about you, but in a patient/doctor way.  If they didn't care about you or their patients, they would not have chose this profession.  All I am saying is that you can not worry about what your therapist thinks when you leave.  Like everyone else in this world, business is business, home is home.  My therapist does go over my files, and I can call her without an appointment, but she can not take all of her patients situations home with her.  I have enough problems dealing with myself, imagine if we all were therapists???  But I do agree with Wildcat and the doctor that you should bring this up in therapy.  It is a part of healing and overcoming this horrible battle.  See what he/she has to say.  But like I said before, a therapist can not go home and worry about all of their patients.  Just like if your therapist was married and her husband cheated on her she can't come into work and be upset with her patients and crying all of the time.  It to be dealt with at home.  Apparently WildCat doesn't work because my employer has told me from day one that you don't take your personal problems to work, and vice versa.  It doesn't help any.  In ending, WildCat did make some good points, but don't go as far as he/she is by saying to leave her house to the therapist.  WildCat is way to attached to the therapist, and when it is time to leave without any more sessions, WildCat will have no choice but to end.  A therapist is not your life partner as WildCat is implying.  If this is the only person that has helped him/her, thats great because soooo many people do not understand this illness or chose not to, but you can not become emotionally attached that when the end does come, you are going to feel like you have been abanded.  Take Care and I truely hope that you and your therapist can work this out for the best.  Please do not follow everything that WildCat is saying, you will end up being hurt.

Avatar universal
I guess I did take what you said wrong. What i meant to say about what she thinks when I leave is I hate this depression and don't want her to think I am getting worse. And yes I am getting worse. I'm sick of everything. The meds and there side effects. The pain I am in everyday from my fibromyalgia. Especially, my friends and family who after 10 years they would at least want to know what I am going through. Didn't mean to take what you said wrong. Thanks for clearing it up.
Avatar universal
HI!!   I must have taken you wrong aswell.  What you are saying about how she may think you are getting worse, that I can relate to.  I go through the same thing.  I want her to think that everything is ok, when it's really not.  My reason is because I don't want my meds increased to a higher dossage.  And yes sometimes I do have to "fake happiness" to my family, friends and my therapist because I am afarid of their reaction and think "Why is she crying again?  Why can't she be happy?"  My familt have tried to be supportive, but as you said, nobody really understands depression.   Unlike if I had another illness such as cancer, they know what this is and I feel would be more understanding and sympathetic.  For people in my family, it's like they aren't even trying to understand what is happening with me, or even care.  They just want me to stop being down because it makes them depressed to see me like that.  But I am glad that we understand where each other are coming from :)  Take Care :)

Jeanette
Avatar universal

Jeanette,

You definately have taken what I said completely way out of whack. Ii realize that once the sessions end, they will end. I will not be hurt. If I was then I would not be recovered from my depression.

As far as my house, it is my business who I leave it to. Like I said, she is one of the few people that have treatedme well in my life.

And work!!!!! I have worked for the past 28 years, who are you kidding! How in the hell would I pay for my house if I did not work!!!! I don't think the bank would give it to me for my looks!!!!

I don't depend on anyone else, I take full responsibility for everything in my life.

[FM44]- My psychiatrist also gives me a hug after each session and yes she has brought her problems with her a coupoe of times. I had to drag the infor out of her and she really didn't tel me much but psychiatrists are humans too, they have emotionns, they are not Gods. I am not suggesting you stay with your psych doc forever, all I am saying is that she appears to really care for you by what you described in earlier posts.

I have gone to many doctors and psychs that don't seem to give a damn, they just take everything in stride for their paycheck like so many others. I work at a place with psych techs that treat the patients like garbage. They should not be in the business.

Now if I ever meet a person that I ever fall in love with, emotional attachment to a man I end up marrying, then obviously the house thing would change. I have a couple of close friends I recently developed, my past alcohol counselor and his wife and they are great. We now work together and are friends!
Avatar universal
I had something happen to me the other night and wanted to know if this has happened to anyone here. I started back on Zoloft after my doctor took me off Celexa. Taken off Celexa because of what I call bad thoughts.There were three days there that I didn't take anything. The second evening that I was on the Zoloft I experinced what I can only discribe as a electrical shock through my brain. I was dreaming of something at the time and this just kind of jolted me out of it. I also had a loud blast go off in my ear. I have spoke to my doctor and psychologist about this and neither have heard of anything happening like this. As usual they kind of dismiss it and expect me to forget about it. This is really bothering me. I am afraid that it will happen again. I am having nightmares and waking up frightened. Any input is greatly appreciated.
Avatar universal
I have had a similar experience to yours FM44.  During my last hospitalization in 1992, I was perscribed thenothiozine, which I believe is a neuroleptic.  About five minutes after I took the medication, I started to feel tingling down my spine and lower part of my head.  During that period in my life I was experiencing visual and auditory hallucinations.  Doctors speculated that my bi polar illness was either induced by LSD or just worsend by the drug.  I don't know if anything I wrote will help you, but I'll send a prayer to Adunua for you.
Avatar universal
I have heard of some of the withdrawal symptoms you described, except in my case it was with paxil.  It is interesting that your counselors had never heard of them.  I researched Paxil because my doctor was going to put me on it until I became concerned.  I had seen a section on the withdrawal effects on CNN.  Feeling of shocks - like electrical ones running the length of your body, extraordinarily vivid dreams (like you mentioned), along with Insomnia, panic attacks, mood swings, and feeling as if you existed out of your own body, were some of the symptoms I looked up.  These cases were all related to the drug, Paxil, but I wouldn't be surprised if they had similar effects.  I'm sure people have experienced the same sort of reaction you have and I would suggest to stay off Celexa and continue with Zoloft.
Avatar universal
Thanks for the advice. I am seeing my doctor next week and I am going to ask her. She has wanted me to have a brain scan but I have put it off. Like you said I think it is the withdrawl symptoms and not something else.
Avatar universal
HI Again :)  I have had similar experiences aswell.  The jolts and the vivid dreams.... actually nightmares that would leave me so shook up that after a while I was almost afarid to fall asleep.  My question is: Have you ever had a sleep test or a sleep lab done?  Also, when I was going through all of this (on Paxil aswell) my Psychiarist suggested that maybe performing a Hyponosis.  I declined, but was wondering had this been suggested to you???  Hope you get answers at the doctor :)

Jeanette
Avatar universal
I had gone a couple nights without the bad dreams but last night they returned. In a house that was haunted and then a dream where I was being suffocated with my pillow. That really woke me up. I am about to go on a hypoglycemic diet and take guaifenisin for my fibromyalgia. This is like my last hope to feel somewhat better seeing meds are not hepling with the pain. I think the anxiety is coming out through my dreams.
Avatar universal
I have experienced that SCHOCK THROUGH THE BRAIN you were describing also.  It was when I was on a higher dosage on Wellbutrin, I also take Effexor.  I have since had my dosage of Wellbutrin lowered.  I also have hypothyroid (underactive thryroid) which was causing my depression to become much worse despite my usual dosage of antidepessants.  My thyroid is now regulated, that's the reason for the decrease in dosage.

I would usually have this feeling like a jolt or schock of electricity in my head when I was falling asleep.  I would be in between they stage where you are just about to finally dose off and then I would here this big "pop" in my head like gun or a bomb when off. I would raise up so fast..scared to death.  I knew it was the medication since I'm quite familiar with antidepressants.  So for me the scare wasn't that I was afraid of being harmed by my medicatin, just the fact that this sound in my head would go off and scare me!  

This is the other strange thing that would happen..and I have yet to hear about anyone else experiencing this.  You should have seen the way people would look at me when I woud explain this at my support group for people with depression.  Anyway, I would also experience involuntarily jerking from different areaa of my body. Just as I was dosing off, both my legs would jerk at the same time, again scaring me to death as I was about to fall asleep!  Sometimes I sleep flat on my back ith my head to one side and all of a sudden my haed would jerk to the other side real fast...sometimes one or both of my arms would just fly up in the air or to one side and then come back down.  One particular night....everytime I would dose off the jerking would come from my back the area of my back at about my waist....and imagine now....I am laying on my back in the bed.  When the jerk in my back would happen.....remember...I'm dosing off.....and all of a sudden my body would raise up similiar to when you give someone a shock to the heart and the body raising up.  I swear it would feel like someone had just picked me up and dropped me on the bed! I can laugh about it now.  Each time it happened it scared me as anyone would be scared by something like that when you're falling asleep.  It really got on my nerves as it usually did this 1 or 2 times before I could get to sleep.

Now that my dosage is lowered I no loger experience that.  However, every now and then I wake up hearing myself giving out a loud yell.  you know, like when you stump your toe and you yell "ouch!" or "oh!"  It's kind of amusing sometimes.

We all have different and sometimes strange side effects.  Most of them go away after awhile, but if you experince some that are really bothersome and don't seem to let up after a month or so, you migh want to let your doctor know.

Hope my experience helps you.  YOU ARE TRULY NOT ALONE IN THIS.  Take care.  Ingrid
Avatar universal
I'm glad you commented on this shock through the brain. I thought this was from the meds and since then my meds have been changed. My counselor gave me a wierd look when I told her. I use to get all that jerking too when I was on trazadone. It hasn't happened with my new meds. Thanks for replying.
Avatar universal
well, i have an opinion of psychiatrists and psychologists.  i am on medicare but used to be a teacher-- i am 28 and crippled by what my shrink says is hypochondriasis -- and somatoform disorder---  i am in TERRIBLE PAIN RIGHT NOW, run a temperature, cannot tolerate most meds--  and everyone from the shrinks on down say it's in my head.  (there are virtually no specialists around here.)

during my last session with my psychologist-- i was very scared and crying and i said "i am scared i am going to die"-- and he replied "we all die."  then i cried... and he said "do you REEALLLYYYY believe that?!?" (incredulously)

my psychiatrist was good when he was in private practice-- but now that he is working for the county he doesn't give a rat's ***.  when i have a medical/psychiatric emergency, there isn't even anyone i can call.  NO ONE... so i end up in the ER with a bunch of puss doctors who cannot even put on a band-aid-- and there are no psychiatrists at this hospital.

i had a severe reaction to trilafon-- pre-seizure almost-- and they just gave me a stupid valium and sent me home.

maybe i would have known what to take if i could have gotten up with my psychiatrist!!!!!!!!!!

i am in a teeny town-- there are no more private practice psychiatrists-- and i cannot afford a private practice psychologist....

and the other doctors don't know what's wrong w/ me so i am going completely in hoc -- to go to the mayo clinic so someone can tell me what in hell is going on with me.  i never have bought into this--- the notion that intense, surging pain can be conjured up out the mind....  or a low grade temp that has lasted over a month now......  

my psychiatrist told me that vision change was "mentally induced"-- and you know what? after to prescription changes, i had to go back again -- and my left cornea is thinning... this can lead to a corneal transplant--- yeah, that thinning is all in my damned head.

let's face it folks-- you PAY THEM to be your friend for an hour-- and then they forget you when you go home...  don't get attached to them... cause if you lose your insurance or have no money--- i doubt they will want to listen for an hour-- cause they are ONLY DOING THEIR JOBS---

sigh.
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