I 'm in a state which I'm unalbe to determine whether I'm physically or mentally ill which are causing symptoms on my body that is hard to explain.
I started to lose hair,gangivitis, and dry skin, extreme dry throat and really painful,also diagnosed with cracks on the retina, and these all happened in the past half an year.
All these contributed my mood swing, which happens periodically. Sometimes I feel that I'm in extreme illness, I see my skin are all in pale, and bruised colour, pain over partial portion on the skin, and this could happen anywhere on the body, which is really the fact. Hard to breath, muscle weakness and totally tired, and I will feel really really down.
But at times, I will tell myself that I'm perfectly fine, as I have to tell my body to waive all the symptoms and ignore them. And sometimes this self determination works, and I could see that my body respond to this by showing some positive things, such as soothening on the throat, better skin color, and feel everything in control, and I feel extremely happy, as I feel that I'm given the second chance of life.
But this week , all the miracles started to vanish and the evil is back, I started to see that my skin look all bruised, my gums are hurting and receeded a bit, and there are (pimples) grown on a number of sports on my body, particulaly on my face, and I started to feel all tired AGAIN!!! HELP!! AM I A psychomaniac?
Why is my body is trying to fool me again and again? Did I do something wrong, GOD. I just wanted to live normal, a normal life, and why do I have to enter this situation, helpnessly hopeness.......man I can't control myself........and my tears are falling.......sorry..I really can't control myself.......what did I do wrong.......
Could you think of any medical situations that are simular to my case.......? I just had test on diabetes, liver and renal system and thyroid, and all cam out perfectly fine. And I was suppose to see the doctors in a hospital to have a triage checkup, and it was on two friday ago, but it was such that two wks ago I was once again "RECOVERED" physically and mentally, but all changed once again this wk. Therefore I missed out the occasion for a GOOD CHECKUP, but my feeling tells me that the result would be the same once again, as they will be perfectly fine and once again I will feel hopeness from my doctor.
Is there something wrong? could it be my blood became poisoness, or is there something wrong with my organs, my brain, my hypothalamus, or do I have cancer which I still havne't not discovered? I would really wanted to know the answer to my prob. I really hate the fact that I'm seriously a scientific person, in a sense that I stuided a lot of chemical and biological science, but now I could find a clue myself, as now I think I have disturbed the equilibrium in my body, and there is no way out.
Killing myself was a thought, but I really don't want to put it into action. I attempted but failed. Please help me before the ENDING THOUGHT is strong enough to eat away my concious.