I am in my late 30s, have a great wife and kids. I grew up (remember this since i can remember)with a mom that controlled the home and a dad (nicest guy!) that was somewhat non-masculine that 'stayed out of her way' and basically did every command she ordered. My mom controlled with violence (major verbal & physical) for the littlest things growing up... i would get my hair pulled almost daily till say 13 yrs old..remember going in room and pulling hair loose hair out afterwords as kid..she'd use my hair as way to through me on the bed, etc. In teens I had acute acne as kid and she wouldn't take me to doctor till the scaring was too late. She wouldn't let me play with friends i liked, they were not good enough. Told me i shouldn't marry my wife, etc. To this day, she's very interested in what 'other people think' of her stature...my wife and her family are not..they are very loving without such hangups. My mother rarely speaks (nor do we have any form of relationship because of) to her own family side.. why? dont' know. Also, my brother (younger) didn't get disciplined like this .. he's lazy, divorced, has my parents jump on command to help him with all his problems. In summary... i have very deep rooted hate for her that i cannot seem to shake it. If i see her, I go into total depression "like a light switch". Any good reading on this? She is not interested in counciling. Seems to get worse as i grow older. I do not take drugs for depression, nor do i want to. I'm fine when i'm not around her and my side of the family that draws his emotion. I understand consequences of just dropping this relationship on my family and dont' want to do that. Any good links or reading may be helpful to me. Thanks.