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Son-Mother Relationship

I am in my late 30s, have a great wife and kids.  I grew up (remember this since i can remember)with a mom that controlled the home and a dad (nicest guy!) that was somewhat non-masculine that 'stayed out of her way' and basically did every command she ordered. My mom controlled with violence (major verbal & physical) for the littlest things growing up... i would get my hair pulled almost daily till say 13 yrs old..remember going in room and pulling hair loose hair out afterwords as kid..she'd use my hair as way to through me on the bed, etc.  In teens I had acute acne as kid and she wouldn't take me to doctor till the scaring was too late. She wouldn't let me play with friends i liked, they were not good enough. Told me i shouldn't marry my wife, etc.  To this day, she's very interested in what 'other people think' of her stature...my wife and her family are not..they are very loving without such hangups.  My mother rarely speaks (nor do we have any form of relationship because of) to her own family side.. why? dont' know. Also, my brother (younger) didn't get disciplined like this .. he's lazy, divorced, has my parents jump on command to help him with all his problems. In summary... i have very deep rooted hate for her that i cannot seem to shake it.  If i see her, I go into total depression "like a light switch". Any good reading on this? She is not interested in counciling.  Seems to get worse as i grow older.  I do not take drugs for depression, nor do i want to.  I'm fine when i'm not around her and my side of the family that draws his emotion. I understand consequences of just dropping this relationship on my family and dont' want to do that.  Any good links or reading may be helpful to me.   Thanks.
5 Responses
242532 tn?1269550379
I am not able to recommend any good reading, perhaps others on this site can do that.  I would recommend some counseling..letting go of these kind of hurts requires some careful thinking through, and figuring out what to do to do that. It is not a simple formula, and is something very important to do...
Avatar universal
I'm really sorry for your difficulties with your family. These issues are very complicated and have no easy solutions. Therapy could help alot. There are some good books to read on family relationships and insight into them. You could do a search and see what you can come up with. Also, sometimes the only thing worse than a bad past is to let it still rule your life as an adult. We have to realize we can't control the behaviors or actions of others but we can try to control our reactions. I wish you the best. Tough stuff to deal with.
Avatar universal
I would recommend reading "Move away from your mother". It's an excellent read.

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There is a great discussion on problematic mother at http://www.seniorparents.net/main/.
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I am currently doing research for an upcoming book which deals with the side effects and withdrawals people have experienced from Effexor XR and other (like) anti-depressants. I am interested in receiving any information current or former users would like to share concerning their experiences with these drugs. Please email me @:
and thanks!
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