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Avatar universal

Strange Fetish...Potentially Harmful?

My wife recently admitted to me that she gets sexually aroused reading about or watching movies that include torture.  She is disgusted by seeing true accounts of it, only aroused by reading about it or watching it in movies.  If she sees it on the news, or in a recent magazine, it bothers her.  If it's fictional or a long time ago (like medevil) that's what she likes.  We don't act it out at all, she has no inclination to hurt anyone or anything, and does not want to be hurt.  She says she only enjoys it in her mind.  Is this an early warning sign of violent behaviour?  She was abused as a child, emotionally and physically, could that have anything to do w/it?
5 Responses
Avatar universal
Mr.X,

    People may enjoy sexual fantasies which involve sadistic or masochistic content.  If the sexual sadism (which involves intense sexually arousing fantasies, sexual urges, or behaviors/acts in which the psychological or physical suffering is sexually exciting to the person), causes distress or impairment in function, then a mental illness, sexual sadism, is diagnosed.  This does not seem to be the case with your wife.
     What matters is how it affects your relationship and sexual life.  If it does cause problems for you and your wife then a sexual or marital counselor may be helpful.
     Her fantasies are not a predicter  of violence.  Past history of violence is the most important predicter as well as certain mental illnesses especially those involving psychosis,depression and substance abuse.  Your wifes history of abuse very well may be involved in her choice of fetish.
      I hope this has been helpful.  Keep in mind that the information presented in this forum is for educational purposes only.  Specific concerns should be further directed to yor personal physician.

Sincerely,

HFHS MD-JM

Keywords: Sadism, masochism, fetish
Avatar universal
Yes it has to do with having been abused as a child. It's very common in abuse survivors. I wouldn't worry about it. Fantasies don't hurt anyone and are considered quite normal..even the violent type. It's a good sign that the real thing nauseates her, shows she wouldn't act on it. You'd be surprised how many people have these fantasies and are aroused by them. Relax.
Avatar universal
Mr X, Will get back to you on these issues after the doctor has replied!  E       ***@****
Avatar universal
Just a short note on fetishes!  My daughter wanted to please her boyfriend in doing fetish type acts and felt ok with it! My daughter was sexually abused by her first cousin and had all the feelings through the years as an abused person; howver, she did start to enjoy these fetishes that her boyfriend wanted for a few years! Now, she is back to her old self again; her boyfriend is almost out the door!  She is confident on being a beautiful and sexy young woman and does not need these extra things that others may want in order to have a more exciting encounter! If married, that is another issue!  People have problems and go through periods of weirdness sometimes..If it is more than that, it will show itself! As for me, I am from the last century and have been married for 35years now!  We still love and respect each other! Patience and understand can go a long way but if you feel something is really wrong, advise her to seek help! Good luck!
Avatar universal
I have experienced these feelings myself
and have always been ashamed. I am a young female
who grew up with a very controlling and
abusive father, and I have often wondered if that's
why I fantasize about these things. I have gone
the extra step and been a sex slave for a while as a teen,
to act out the fantasies I have had. But I found out that
they are better kept in my head.

Still, I cannot orgasm to this day unless I imagine
horrible scenes of violence and torture. I feel sick for it,
But  it is comforting to know i'm not alone. I think
as long as you don't act out in the way of hurting someone
else it's probably ok.
I still wish I could be more "normal" though
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