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Depression/Mental Health Forum
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Avatar universal

Strange thoughts, depression

I am a 31 year old male. I have been depressed for the last three years due to the ending of an 11 year relationship and the seperation from my 4 children due to it.I have slashed my wrists once, but not good enough...I'm still here. I have set with a shotgun in my mouth, but couldn't pull the trigger because of my children. I think of and wish for death daily. I have planned my suicide over and over again. What scares me worst of all, is that over the last few months, thoughts of hurting others have played in my mind. Noone in particular. Just anyone, really. As time passes, these thoughts are recurring more often. I have never been to any therapy, and have never been on any medications for any mental illness. I have drank heavily over these last three years, but have recently stopped due to a dui and probation. I keep to myself most of the time, and don't like being around others. I never used to be this way. What should I do?
4 Responses
Avatar universal
Dear John,

These must be difficult times for you, "DON'T GIVE UP HOPE".
You are  probably suffering from Major Depression. If you are feeling suicidal or homicidal go to the nearest Emergency Room.
Treatment is available to help you.  The following is a brief discription of Major Depresssion including treatment strategies.

MAJOR DEPRESSION

Major depressions are probably based on some as of yet poorly defined biochemical imbalance in the brain. It may come on at any age, striking women twice as often as men, & affecting up to a tenth of the population at some time in their life. A major life stress may or may not have occurred first.

SYMPTOMS
In the full blown picture, the patient suffers from deep feelings of sadness, guilt, uselessness & futility.
Concentration may be impaired, & memory may suffer. A sense of losing one's mind is common. Tearfulness may be uncontrollable at times. Profound apathy/fatigue occur. Appetite disturbance may be so severe that dehydration, severe weight loss, & eventual death may occur. Suicide is a constant risk, & sleep may be thoroughly disturbed. In some cases delusions occur.

DIAGNOSIS
The above picture is not hard to recognize, but there are many medical diseases which can cause a similar picture, including thyroid imbalance, adrenal gland insufficiency, occult cancer especially of the pancreas, & numerous others. In addition, many patients only develop certain aspects of the overall picture, & may not even relate the depressed mood, but rather may have some overwhelming physical symptom, like fear of cancer or
other problem. In the elderly, the patient may appear to simply be demented-confused & withdrawn, & the tragedy of this assumption is that they may spend the rest of their lives in a nursing home instead of receiving effective treatment. On rare occasions the diagnosis is confusing even after due consideration of the above & adequate medical evaluation. In these cases certain tests of cortisol balance may be used to strengthen one's
suspicions. Routine use of this test adds little, however.

TREATMENT

Intensive hospital support may be necessary to provide the medical, nutritional, & supportive care these patients require. Intravenous fluids, tube feedings, & hygiene may require full time medical & nursing care.
Suicide precautions are often needed. The initial treatment usually consists of the administration of
antidepressant drugs. These include one of the SSRI'S such as Zoloft, Paxil or Prozac. Skill & caution must be exercised especially in the elderly, since side effects of these drugs are not rare. About 65% of patients respond to the medication with a complete remission, although many others derive some lesser benefit. Where no response is seen over several weeks, or where
there is medical danger in waiting the several weeks necessary for the drugs to take effect, & also in cases
where hallucinations & delusions are prominent, the therapy of choice may be electroconvulsive therapy.
Major depression is not a disease that responds well to psychotherapy, although the patient's response to the event
after recovery, & the changes brought about in his or her life as a result of the disease often do benefit or even
require the patient to maintain a close psychotherapeutic relationship for months into recovery. In this way relapses can be detected early, & prevented from becoming full blown. Prognosis has not been well defined,
but clearly many patients are prone to relapse months to decades later. Frequently the relapse is less of a problem since diagnosis & treatment are initiated earlier.


Best Wishes,


HFHS M.D-SW
Avatar universal
You can make it my man.  I am a former athlete who suffered to many concussions.  My health began to deteriorate four years ago.  It collapsed in September of 1999.

Other than the symptoms related to the injuries.  I began to be overwhelmed by "sadness" and "mood problems" that had been hanging in the backround for a few years.  It hit me like a ton of bricks.

Go to this website!!: www.mentalhealth.com

*Double click "diagnosis", then "Mood disorders", then "Major Depressive Disorders".  Answer 10/12 questions and it will give you an assesment.  Plain language, real life questions.  I am positive you will recognize your situation in the questions.

GO TO THE DOCTER.  ANTI-DEPRESANTS WORK FOR ALMOST EVERYBODY! (I haven't gone into therapy yet, but I would.  I have a great family Dr., and he is very knowledgeable with repsect to depression.  See you Dr. as often as possible.

I didn't want to be around people.

*I wouldn't answer the phone.

*I was an outgoing guy,..but I can't answer the door. Doorbell and knocking causes a cold rush of @#$% to my heart.

*I was "flipping a coin" at one point.  I had it planned, my office is on the 37th floor in the corner, where the windows are floor to ceiling.

*I at different times I felt desperate, hopeless, trapped, I     would cry or laugh at inappropriate times.

*I knew I would feel better if I could just get off the couch, or out of bed.

*Icouldn't sleep.

*Didn't do the important tasks I was responsible for.

*No interest in doing the things that I LIKE to do.

*Because of my sports career I was way too "macho" to go to a "shrink".

*One night I was standing in my office with a hammer, I was ready, this was it.  I saw myself in the reflection and I froze.

I sat down and looked at a picture of my wife, our 5 year old girl.  

I was ready to do anything.

Anyway, I went to the Dr., he asked me a list of questions.

"oh, yeah.  You're depressed.  But don't worry, you're a classic, right across the board.  Medication will help."
They will probably take 4-6 weeks, you will likely have your drugs switched around until you find the right drug and the right dose.  

PROZAC, ZOLOFT don't make you feel like a zombie. To help you get to sleep, and stay asleep, there are antidepresants that will help you do just that.  They are non-addictive.  

Two that I have tried with success are: Trazodone (aka Desryl), and Elavil.  They are a mild anti-depresant that will likely be prescibed with another anti-depresant (like prozac, zoloft etc.)

MY PHYSICAL HEALTH IS GOING DOWNHILL FAST,YOU WOULD THINK THAT WOULD MAKE ME MORE DEPRESSED, BUT I REALLY FEEL "HAPPIER".

WWW.MENTALHEALTH.COM also has  a section on drugs, treatment, etc.

Eat as good as possible, try and rest, try and get out of the house everyday.

Good Luck, I will watch this board looking for you.  If you like I would share my e-mail address with you so I might share my experiences with you.  I doubt any two are the same.

And you know what, I don't care if people know. I hope you have family or friends around you.  They want to help, level with them.

I hope the booze isn't out of control.  Ask your dr. about it, be honest, he can help.

It's your life man, get it back, do everything you can for yourself, you owe yourself that.

Avatar universal
John, My brother in law is going through the same thing. His relationship was 9 years. Christmas was very hard for him. Its been 2 weeks since the breakup. He barely comes out of his room. He does play hockey which he enjoys. He is 27 years old. He did see a Dr. and is now taking prozac which is taking the edge off but not entirely helping it takes a month or so to take effect. I think you care about yourself or you wouldn't have stopped drinking which only makes things worse. I don't think you want to die or you would, people who really want to die will die they don't waste time. So please see a Dr. you can get better. If you don't want a dui you know you don't want to hurt people and go to prison. I can hear you do care for yourself and others. You will get better with medication. GOOD LUCK!!!!
Avatar universal
I too suffered the same with my bouts of drinking and depression.  As you may know, alcohol is a depressant, and it just puts you further into a black hole.
I used to drink very heavily between the age of 17-24.  By heavily, I mean at one time I was dirnking 15+ drinks a night, sometimes 4 times a week.
I decided in 1994, to quit drinking since I had receieved a dui.

As a result of this, I went to a drug/alcohol (alcohol wasn't the only problem, drugs too) rehab for 30 days.  While its not for everyone, it helped push me in the right direction.  AA meetings I think are the best way to cope with problems from drinkin, its a great way to meet others, talk about problems (many people share the same ones), and just generally socialize without alcohol.

My depression of nearly 10 years, has been succesfully treated with antidepressants, and is now under control.  
Give it a try, it works !!
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